In reply to by Open

Hi Open, im struggling so much with reliving my childhood over and over. i am almost never alone and always being watched by controlling ppl i work with and where i live. i am literally in a karmic prison with no means or opportunity to leave. i do appreciate the karma this brings up but the inability to process said karma doesnt make sense. how can i process authentically when these ppl are always there? its like my sister putting me on a pedestal and then following me around and watching me constantly. and when the traumatic events happened she got an energy boost from my suffering and it made her latch on more, and now i have ppl telling me how i should feel and ppl trying to fucking mother me b/c i learned how to play the vctim. its getting better as i stand up for myself butall i want to do is tell them to fuck off lol! i have been trying to leave but i think my resistance to this pain is making me trapped. i guess the lesson is to stop resisting and soften so much they have nothing to feed on anymore, but my frustration and anger keep bubbling up with the paradox that i cant express them. i am afraid of being homeless and jobless and especially because i dont want to have to abandon my cat as i have tremendous guilt over previous pets, who i do emotionally cling to because my inability to assimilate with ppl i dont feel connected to. my health is declining rapidly and im constantly exhausted. everything on your page helps and im so grateful to you and your team. i need something radical i just dont know what. i want to do your retreat but all i have is one outdated tablet and a new tablet that isnt working properly although its mostly just a keyboard thing but do u think i could do a retreat with a wonky tablet and the nosey lonely lady upstairs listening so i cant even express authentically. i am going out of my mind and feel i will end up in real prison if something doesnt give. sorry for all this dense unstable energy but i feel like i could really use some help. thank you so much