So a lot of the processing i've been doing lately has really narrowed down my issues to one core theme: low self-worth. Which came about predictably from an unstable unsupportive and many times traumatic childhood. I can say fairly confidently that all the problems i:ve created in my life stem from that one core issue. i've never really learned to accept and trust myself because nothing in my life gave me reason to. the never-ending negative feedback loop. i've tried the external validation but also predictably, it all eventually tanked b/c of this lack of self-worth. So now i see this is where my true starting point is. Where all my current problems overlap, this deep-seated rejection of myself. But how do i create something from something that wasn't really ever there to begin with? things like affirmations never worked; i could never make myself believe those things just by saying them because i didn't funfamentally believe it to be true. While i get one must eventually move beyond the needs of the ego, for me it's hard to find an anchor in the higher when i have no stable base to start from. (i get that that's the opposite of how one is to approach the higher energies but that's how it feels; i can't keep myself up when every little thing in the outer reminds me of how weak and afraid i am) How can i even feel worthy of the beauty and joy and freedom of the higher when i don't even feel worthy to live? How can i let go when i can't trust myself or the flow? This is why i fall time and again and i just don't know how to learn to believe otherwise. And the life ive created just takes so much of my time and energy and self-eesteem that i dont get to connect with my higher self as i feel i should at this point, thus the feeling im not "anchored" to her yet. i still believe its all my fault so in the m8dst of some of my worst densities when i go up i cant hold it, i cnt find her. I just dont feel like i have a starting point to finding anf more importantly holding that self-acceptance. or maybe i'm just too impatient? hoping to be pointed in the right direction...

thanks with love and gratitude๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ™