OMG I'm having the most incredible breakthrough!!! I finally processed all the stuff I've been holding onto from my father. Lots of anger and humiliation and fear. He died a year and a half ago and I hadn't spoken to him in some time after a fight we had. My anger towards him had been growing for some time. So I was thinking about all the ways he had hurt me and let me down and suddenly I got an image of a picture I had seen of his father, and how miserable he looked. And suddenly it all clicked. IT WASNT HIS FAULT!!! Or mine!!! I wasn't wortlhess and hated and stupid. Like his father and most likely his father before him had made him feel. And carrying that amount of pain around all the time is exhausting and sometimes needs an outlet, especially when triggered. As I well know. By the way, I think he would have loved you too Open😊. I immediately began weeping with chagrin that I had not only blamed him for so long but never saw him before he died. Because it wasn't all bad and I realized that he was my best friend whom I could talk to about anything. Now even though I'm finally in grief over his loss, I feel lighter, freer, less physical pain, and everything just looks better. Like a cloud has lifted and the sun came out! It feels amazing not hating him. I test it some more and realize there's more to work on, but I don't hate him anymore, and realize my own part in his later behaviour, I'm not so innocent in this. wow, that was liberating!!! I have hope again and I'm starting to understand what real freedom is! I hope I get to talk to him again some day. I'm so glad I have somewhere I can finally share this stuff with, than you.💜