In reply to by barbfromkingston

Wow, what a breakthrough, it feels so intense, like a big flash flood. Immediately I got kind of deja vu, there was similar feeling when Castaneda got his realization, here's from his book:

I took off my wet clothes, covered myself
with a poncho, sat in my bed, and veritably wept my head off, but not for myself. I had my wrath,
my unbending intent, not to let them eat me. I wept for my fellow men, especially for my father. I
never knew until that instant that I loved him so much.
"He never had a chance," I heard myself repeating, over and over, as if the words were not
really mine. My poor father, the most considerate being I knew, so tender, so gentle, so helpless.