I reread this article just now, trying to find some way to work with the immense pain and suffering that I am feeling at the moment within my current circumstance. I can see that the suffering is coming from a place of fighting and non-acceptance. A strong desire for a particular outcome. Even if that outcome feels right and I move toward it, I need to let it go because it seems impossible. So why do I have to keep moving toward the impossible. I work to continuously let go of but is undeniably there. I accept that I have created this situation. I accept that this is what I need, to find the strength to work through this. My soul is completely fine with it but I just cannot help but wish for it to be over. I am tired, beat up emotionally and it feels like there is no real justice in the world. I want to give up but there is a rightness in moving forward no matter what the cost. This makes me really mad. I am attached to this idea of winning or losing in some way. It feels like a never ending pit of despair and frustration. Like I am somehow not "getting it" and it keeps getting harder and harder, like being squeezed until I can't take it anymore. I am tired of my story. I guess I am wishing that in the acceptance there will be some sense of peace but there is an aspect of me that is not accepting. Is it just about witnessing this, recognizing that it is there and accepting that? I know it is not about getting through this, its about being in it consciously but the pain is so great I just want it to stop.