"The pain is so great, I just want it to stop."

This is what jumps out to me, right at the very end.

What is so painful exactly? Exactly what is the dynamic of the situation that's causing the pain?

You say...

    I am tired, beat up emotionally and it feels like there is no real justice in the world"

Is there more justice for you personally than if you were one of the 65 million refugees in the world?

Will you have a roof over your head tonight and food on the table?

Do you have a car? Money, and friends you can call upon?

You want it to stop. Does the universe ever stop?

So "who" wants it to stop? And where is the pain when it won't.

You know of course that you are creating this pain.

So why are you creating it? What is it teaching you?

Namaste

Open <3