My heart goes out to you. I continue to process a shitload of guilt related to feeling I failed as a mother in so many ways, that I should have protected my children more, made better choices, been far less anxious, calmer, more together, more evolved. I also relate to taking on way too much responsibility for others that I know is truly not mine to take on. It's a pattern I am breaking. And I have released lots of self-judgment and guilt and am continuing to let go, accepting more and more that my children have their own karma to process, and that I'm helping them do that by being just the mother they need, accepting increasingly that I married just the father they need, as well. Both of us so flawed with our own scars and conditioning, doing the best we can. But it all feels too much sometimes. I feel your frustration and anguish.

A few weeks ago I actually stood alone in my kitchen, feeling at my wits' end, shouting, "I fucking hate my karma!" I shocked myself. But it felt damn good to get it out. So I shouted it a few more times. And miraculously, I wasn't struck dead by lightening. Although perhaps I wouldn't have minded at the time! :)

I'm in your corner, beautiful friend.

Much love to you,

x Cathy