With you too Kim. Your honesty and openess is so beautiful amidst the pain. You said Some sense that I have used "dark" or unaligned energy in the past to help get "me" what "i" want but is not in the flow. This is very painful. That resonates with me, so many times I've pushed through and made things happen with my sheer force of will only to find disconnection, and in latter years it's just not worked. Letting go of having any real control over anything is huge.