This article is in perfect timing for me...recently the noise and inter-sibling conflicts of my children have stirred up intense anxiety within me...I notice resistance to the noise and conflict that I see on the outside...my breath feels tight and my head begins to hurt...I also notice that my children are insistent on my attention and approval in ways I do not observe them with others...it has caused me to notice my own need to be special or to have attention or approval from others...I am (as of today!) noticing this urge and relaxing around it...I realize their behavior is just a reflection of my own patterns. In the past I have alleviated these inner symptoms by imposing all manner of reward/consequence systems...but now I am letting go of these outward means...I am still providing structure and guidance but I am decidedly looking within and asking why do I feel this anxiety? What part of me is controlling and why and what am I afraid of here? Letting go of old control mechanisms leaves me feeling quite vulnerable and raw with the anxiety. I feel that my present condition reflects the way I experienced many of the family experieces I had as a child...and these physiological symptoms are deepset patterns from this early life or another. There's this thought that keeps crossing the mind "I am tired of being scared!" Who is saying that though?? Is it just the ego? I feel truly over feeling nervous and it's not just with the kids - I just am so painfully aware that I am constantly not feeling like enough- it's a constantly running program in my mind- I am so tired of it - but who is tired of it??!...I find that chanting helps so much...brings up those good feelings, regulates my breathing and brings me out of that old pattern and I am able to connect to that warm steady place within. I am now ready to ask how to be in this moment...I am open to guidance and I am tired of "my way"...I feel this enormous urge to shudder and shatter like an earthquake all the holding, fear, nervousness.