Thank you Chris for your insightful comment. It's clear that some of the concepts/methods I have learned (or the filter through which I have learned them) over the last 5-6 years with regard to spiritual growth have created another layer of patterns of behavior that serve to keep me in the bubble...reading back over my comment and yours I can see that there is still an urge within me to find an escape route from the pain. It's a very helpful reminder for me to stay with the discomfort - to go into it even more deeply to fully process it rather than "cure it" by finding a better feeling with meditation/chanting etc - though it has it's place. Funny enough, I had a dream a few nights ago in which a one eyed man with red underwear was wanting me to come closer to him and I was just trying to get some food out of his house and leave...once I left, I thought I was out and had escaped from this creature but as I walked further away I ran into a translucent barrier...I was still in there with the one-eyed man - I may have gotten some nourishment from the food he had but i didn't stay long enough to really be free. It all seems to be in line. Thank you so much for the illumination!!