In reply to by Barb C (not verified)

Hi Barb,

It's good that you shared. Firstly know that you are not alone and always, but always the asnwer is right there in your experience - your soul is speaking to you through your own words.

Here are some things that jump out...

but I feel like I'm in prison and I won't ever get out.

It's clear you're feeling this and that you desperately want to get out. And that is exactly what's holding you - trying to get out. Don't try. Be in the prison. Don't try to change the experiences. Don't fight them or avoid them, but go deeper and deeper into the feeling of imprisonment until you can completely accept it. In some ways the soul is imprisoning the One in you, in all of us, because it's constantly flowing and experiencing. But if you can go deep into what the soul is creating right now and accept the feelings, then you can touch the one.

You said...

do you think my marijuana smoking habit is helping or hurting?

You already know the answer to that. YES!!!

It's avoidance of what is - avoidance of what your soul is already creating.

And because you're avoiding the authentic experience, then you create internal polarity. Which means you can't be the One in the experience - meaning it holds you in a kind of limbo state without penetrating/transcending the moment into The One.

So I'd say if you truly want to transform the situation for the better, sit in the experience of imprisonment. Don't try to change or avoid it. Completely accept it. Soften into it. Let go into it. Then you'll burst through it.

Namaste

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