Hi Open

Interesting you mention it ;)

Because I have this inner question recently: why am I not constantly 'there'?

I still have blackouts. And it feels so strange. Why would I fall back into that degraded way of being if I can be in this state of rightness? I feel the contrast between two different states, where I get stuck on some thing, and then as if my vision gets blurred and I lose the sense of what I am.

On the other hand I accept it, as if there is no need to be 100% in the zone all the time.

Looks like this decision to be constantly conscious can't be forced. It is a shift, and it just happens when it happens. And till then, I have made peace with having consciousness blackouts. What is important for me is being aware of what is going on, and what pulls me out. If I lose it, I am aware, like "Ok, I am contracted into a dense experience now..." and I live through it.

I watch and get to know what prevents me from being there all the time, fully. Or, actually, more precisely put, not being there. For example, one of frustrations I deal with is inability to communicate with people around me, when I am in the zone. I feel we are totally on different vibes, as if living in different worlds, speaking different languages. And the truth in it is that I am meant to communicate. I just still can't find the way, the tool for that. So I work with these things... as a part of ordinary every day life. It's just an example...

And it is truth, that in those places, entities kick in. Maybe I would be too comfortable with my distortions if there would be no enhancers, pointers and generators of really unpleasant sensations, making it really uncomfy to be disconnected? :D