Hi Natalia,

There's no need to feel ashamed - every single one of us has our 'stuff' or has had to come through it. It's good that you've had the courage to share - it's always the first step. Often people hold themselves in limitation simply because they're afraid to give voice to what they're experiencing.

Yes I have encountered, and worked with, people with similarly strong compulsive disorders. And it does sound very much as if there's a good deal of Opposing Consciousness Intervention - an energy coming in from the field which preys on excessive, compulsive emotion. Which ever way people see it, there something in the field all around us that works to attach people to conditioned behaviours.

Often there comes guilt and shame with these distorted behaviours. The key is to work to come from the place of the One - you are the One. The One exploded into being, and now unity consciousness - light - is working its way into the unconsciousness - into darkness. It is happening through all of us - we are each 'actors' in a universal 'game' of self-realisation. So it it not your fault. Work to step beyond that idea. Work to accept your situation totally as it is, without trying to change it....

When you can accept things as they are, I'd suggest looking for a centre in all of this - the sense of your soul - as a feeling. How much meditation do you do? Let this sense of centre - a feeling experience - become more what you identify with, rather than the thoughts, mind and ego.

Whatever is going on in the mind, work to connect with the sense of soul. The soul will begin to lead you right back into presence - into the One.

As you keep aligning with the soul, your behaviours will slowly, but surely, change. You'll begin to confront and unravel the patterning in mind and body. Over time, realignment will happen. Your thoughts and emotions will steadily come into line with your soul. Inner sovereignty strengthens, the intervention is steadily ejected from your being.

Have you read Five Gateways? I'd suggest it. It's all about the processes we can apply for aligning with the soul (find out more here... Five Gateways.

Wishing you well