Thank you a lot, both of you, Open and Ben ;) Especially the „it´s not your fault“ statement brought tears of relief into my eyes ;)

After posting this thread I read Chris´ post on combating psychic attack and found it very resonating and helpful. I could relate to so much. Thank you a lot, Chris, for writing that. I will read that again because it is so helpful!

What has been trubling me very much is this strong pull to think over and over again (that is a very common symptom of ocd.) For example, trying to recall what I said. ... and there is a havoc in my head :(. I have noticed I hold my breath often.
So I focus on breathing and some yoga practice...

I believe that a way out of that is getting out of mind into the body, being the observer and bringing acceptance into any feeling. There are many places in my body that show held emotions. I am healing that all. There is a lot in my case. I feel unstable.

Today I feel quite sick in my stomach. Tightness in my solar plexus has been with me for a very long time. And also right under my left collar bone and on the left shoulder.
I heal that by letting Divine Love in (in the near future I will create a thread about what I mean by God and Divine Love and Truth as you wanted to discuss it earlier ;))

I have seen the most of your 5 Gateways movie and it is wonderful! Resonates a lot and it is very helpful for me in this time of my life (I´m not talking about ocd now).

Apart from „ocd“, recently I have become extremely sensitive to any distortions of the city life. I believe this is a part of my evolution.
My situation is sort of troubelsome as I live in noisy city, in a small flat with my birth family and I am constantly distracted :(. For example, when they turn the television on, I can hear it everywhere apart from my bedroom – which I share with my mum. She comes here often and so I cannot meditate here very much.... I feel fragmented.
However, what I can do is being the observer. That I can do always.  That is the way to rise above.
I enjoy going for walks with my doggie, along the river, touching trees... and also attending local yoga class with an excelent instructor. Few months ago I got to know her and I had never thought yoga can be so fun :)
I have been looking for opportunities to move. I haven´t found any yet, I guess that is because I needed to realise some things here, especially that I DO deserve to change my environment so that my soul can grow. But also repent for my past unloving behavior to my family, which is something I wasn´t even aware of for a long time. Now I am forgiving myself, realising that it isn´t even me when I catch myself yelling at my mum, for example.