Exploring furthure, that sense of heavyness that I feel come through with the masculine has show itself to be a sense of lack that I feel.

There's a part of me that feels less than the whole.

This heavyness is felt by others in my life who are quite sensitive, and they can feel it as needyness.

It's like there is a sucking feeling that eminates from me when I get close to someone.

So up untill now, it would seem a large part of my creative endevours have had a root in a sense of lack, that I'm trying to make myself whole.

Yet from what I understand, the divine masculine doesn't express his being in order to fill himself, he is already whole. He simply expresses, because that's the highest form of his being that he can bring into the world.

So a part of me is running around trying to figure out a way to fully express the divine masculine, and this is partly coming from a sense of lack.

It would seem I'm chasing my own tail.

When I stop and fully seat myself in presence and know that I am whole as I am, then the divine masculine can be expressed and explored. There is no need to try and manifest the masculine, it simply expresses itself.

"The divine masculine inspires and manifests, it's the impulse that brings things to fruition."

A part of me tying to fully bring my masculine into being, is in itself, a masculine act. Yet I'm doing so from a sense of lack, and that is what keeps me blind to the realisation that the masculine is present in my being.

I must come to terms with my sense of lack, or realise that I'm a whole being!