Dear Jenny, hello to the others
Yes, really the same is with me, thanks for sharing your experiences and your feelings. In the end of the last year, at christmas time and the change to the new year, i only want to be alone, being by myself and so „my friends“ said: Oh, you always pull back yourself, you have to go outside, otherwise you´ll still be depressiv or lonley or blablabla..“ It needed my whole power to say: „No, my only wish is to stay by myself all alone with me.“
My only desire was to be in stillness, to feel the feelings, to hear the silent noise of my soul and come back come back come back... and so i did. And my feeling is also like yours... This tribe is not really my tribe... There are some friends understanding me, because they are in a similar situation and transformation, but the others don´t longer serve me. Yes it feels awful. Then there was a situation with my father today (regards to starwhak...), he asked about my study, (it is very important for him to have a titel, however...) and i told him, that i am uncertain to follow it, because (the course is social work) i recognized that people are wonderful and that they don´t need someone to tell them what to do, and that in my eyes, this system is ill, not to save and the only thing that we can do is to stop, to be and to recognize who we are... And do you know what he said??? It is really crazy... He said to me: „Well, do you think that anybody ´ll hear you? A divorced, single mother without a completion? No one will take you seriously!“ Yes, that´s what he told me, really crude, and this man claims to love me, puuuuuuh, he has no idea!!! Apart from that, it doesn´t interest me if someone is listening because i don´t have to convince someone or to bring him over to something he/she doesn´t want to do... but so is our system here in germany. This system works with a lot of manipulation, and if the manipulation no longer works, than pressure is built up. The only reason is to anchor persons in the 3D matrix. It is not about to become aware and conscious. My experience is, that there is a lot of fear about people becoming aware, because those persons don´t work very well in this organised and controlling system. I feel that is really a little bit dangerous to stop and tell the others what is seen. Yes open, i think (and also feel) a lot about what you have written in your book. To become soft, gentle, peaceful and compassiontate with this situation, but it doesn´t always suceed me. Sometimes a little, sometimes often my feelings coming up and than this could be a really challenging moment. In the situation with my father there was rage and sorrow, feeling of missunderstanding, incomprehension about his stupidity and so on and so on... When i am than totally alone with me, feeling my feelings, recognising who i am and that i am not this person there in 3D playing the game of duality and separation, everything seems to be ok, but... To be confronted with the „old play“ and with persons who believe in that...that hurts again and again, perhaps sometimes i will be able to see always through it, and having peace with it, however, until that, i am here, feel my feelings, try to be soft with the events and sometimes avoiding confrontation which doesn´t need to be....
Warm regards and a lot of thanks for being here, Melanie