Hi Open,
I can relate such a lot to the 7 Rays. I especially recognise thinking I've dealt with an issue only for it to resurface again. It feels like the more aware I become the more I have to deal with my 'stuff' at a deeper level.
One strong thought I get is I don't want to play the game any more, I've been there so many times and am tired of it, I feel I want to totally surrender, or maybe it would be better to say I feel I have surrendered but Im not ready to accept i have. I'm tired of game playing, repeating the cycle of my fears. A sort of feeling of submission. A felling of full circle I suppose, I started off moving round the circle of my own life journey only to end up where I started but to really know myself, and smiling once I'm there.