In reply to by Open

Thanks Open,

Yes, I do see this. The tricky part for me is judgement coming from strong resistance to the way things are. There IS a struggle against the reality that seems to create more frustration and friction because the world (or at least those inhabiting it around me) don't seem to bend according to the vision I yearn for. And why should they? It's there experience, not mine to control, bend, fix, mold (though I often try to). I feel there IS a way to honor the way it is and still hold a sense of something else inside...though I have not nearly mastered that!!

I feel the ego is more active then it's ever been...everything seems to trigger this control and anger...and the feeling of IT'S NOT OK!! I AM NOT OK!!! I am sure this will all unwind and settle in some new way...the friction is a wake up call to another way of being. I get the sense that touching into the authentic feelings of Not feeling A-ok - is stirring the more active, courageous, and willing to feel heart broken aspects ...which are also mixed in with control and aggression.

 There is something important to me at the moment about wholeheartedly feeling the brokenness and with it this crystal clear vibration..like a note struck on a crystal glass.

Much love,

Jen