I've just attempted the 9 step process regarding my feelings of envy, & got stuck (lost?) at step 4.

Step 1 was to accept & acknowledge my envy, which I did by writing my post on my thread Alex's Experiences.

Step 2 is something I'm very experienced in, as I've done many years of regressive therapy, so that came quite naturally as a result.

With step 3, I felt the pull to honour & express the pain of the envy by doing some of my creative drawing. The source pain then revealed itself as despair. However, when I got in touch with this despair, it felt difficult to stay with that feeling, & I became aware that I was starting to "numb it out", to move into my default of boredom & depression.

Therefore, I couldn't (wouldn't?) allow the source pain to reach it's height, which is what step 4 entails. I'm now left feeling that I'm a failure - I can't do these steps successfully or properly.

Perhaps my despair feels too "big" to dive into, or I don't know how to dive into it, or I'm too scared to dive into it, or there's some kind of other obstacle preventing me from diving into it.

It's easy for you, Open, to say "dive into your source pain" - but just how do I do that when I just can't see (or know) HOW???

I probably need to book another session with my Openhand spiritual coach.

A frustrated Alex