Hi Alex,

Please don't take this the wrong way, and I know it's not easy, but despite the past advice, you're still missing the basic point: that to distract yourself from the feeling is avoidance and therefore you won't get into the underlying source pain. This is a consistent thing you keep doing - it seems to be some kind of program you've picked up from previous processes elsewhere - it's not your fault, it's a limitation I observe is prevalent in the spiritual mainstream: that of trying to change reality into something more favourable to the ego.

You said...

    I felt the pull to honour & express the pain of the envy by doing some of my creative drawing. The source pain then revealed itself as despair. However, when I got in touch with this despair, it felt difficult to stay with that feeling, & I became aware that I was starting to "numb it out", to move into my default of boredom & depression.

"Expressing the Pain" means to be in the pain. In this case envy. To let yourself feel into it.

What I've noticed you do, is that once you start to get anywhere near anything that's truly, deeply embedded, you tend to go into an emotional/psychological reaction which takes you out of the possibility to actually feel into the pain. Previously I've called it "the fizz" that distracts from the deep subconscious.

The deep subconscious source pain, once you get through this fizz, may only begin as a slight vibration - barely recognisable as anything. But this is where you need to be. It feels like boredom is another reaction that prevents full exploration of the moment.

This is what I've been working to get at within your process.

Open :-)