Hey Open,

My goodness, there is an inner avalanche going off with what you said. I think i intelectually understand what you mean, holding space is something i really like to do for others. However, internally the word 'responsibility' rings loudly and i think this excavated the karma that is now presenting itself in plain sight.

I am afraid to accept myself in my true size because I know inside that I am more than I am willing to admit. I know that I have a big life plan with a lot of responsibilities and at a rational level I know well that I can handle it, get closer step by step and have a decent amount of time at my disposal. The same with the refusal of fully unfolding the angelic wings and the subsequent pain in the back, where they are attached - that's because I make myself smaller than I actually am. My ego (or is it really the soul?) prefers to stay small and unimportant, that's safer. Is that being afraid of arrogance? Being scared that my future success will go to my head? I have the idea that i've had great power in another life and did not use it in a responsible way, costing me my life. Now there is the avoidance and lack of acceptance of my true self with all its powers. 

Does that make sense?