In reply to by Megha

Dear Jen, Megha and Open,

I'd like to also share a bit of my story with you as it mirrors yours, and to say you're not alone and I know how hard it can be. 

I broke a relationship off a year ago with someone who I considered to be extremely compatible. Open would say a close reflection of my twin flame. I broke it off because there was no longer an open emotional sharing going on, and also because she seemed to not have feelings for me any more. The last year has been so hard, not least because I also have to let go of the image of a 'family unit' that I have. Since the breakup we're actually connecting better on almost all levels, including the emotional one. This has caused me to yearn for a full relationship again. And it's also been extremely painful when she's pulled away again and closed off.

Jen, like you there remains a feeling that it doesn't work on a 'relationship' level, and yet when I observe how connected we can be, I mourn the times when we aren't. On a more personal note, I have also yearned for the physical aspect. 

It seems that the hardest parts to let go of are the aspects that I feel have been denied me - ie, the deep feelings, empathy and physical love. In contrast, just last week she admitted that despite still not wanting a relationship, she still had feelings for me. Suddenly I observe the dynamic changing. Suddenly with this insight I no longer yearn for these things any more, though I would still wish to maintain the connection we currently have. Then I ask myself, am I so insecure that I need that safety net of knowing she has feelings, that in some ways I am still wanted? Psshhh, I suprised myself with that one!

One thing is for sure - no matter what happens we always seem to have some kind of relationship. Ok so we don't live together, don't often spend time together without the kids, and have no physical intimacy. But it seems to me that the relationship we have is constantly redefined by the moment to moment exploration.

So, always new layers are being uncovered and worked through. I think Open's advise of looking ahead is working wonders too. I always said that if I'm in a place between deep grief and anticipatory excitement, then I know I'm exactly where I should be!! 

This karma stuff eh! Phwerrrr, what did we sign up for?! Wink Emoji

Much love to all of you