I had been living a little more than four years in Germany with my boyfriend, W., who I had met in Lebanon. I got on well with W. who was easy-going. I didn't love him, which meant that I wasn't so vulnerable. As he paid attention to me and was nice, everything was okay. I went to university and liked studying, had friends and was enjoying life.

One evening we were invited to a friend's birthday party. There I met H. It was quite dark in the room, so we could hardly see each other, but as we danced we were both struck by lightening out of the blue. The moment I met him, love burned itself into my whole being.

I had found my love, my saviour. I felt as if I was a small child in the arms of my mother again, held in tender love. But with this feeling came the terror of being abandoned. After only a short period of bliss I ended my relationship with H. I thought my heart would literally break apart, but the love and the fear were too intense, too much to bear.

However we met again and again and about a year and a half later, I left W. for H. Soon after we had taken a flat together, all the masks I had been wearing fell away and bared the needy, love-hungry, helpless, fearful child. With this H. became an overpowering, controlling, unattainable father. My Ray 2 was very dominant and distorted, as was his Ray 1. We both had suppressed the Rays in ourselves that were dominant in the other. We were perfect mirrors for each other.

Only now have I understood why we went through years of misery and loneliness together and never were able to part. The only explanation that makes any sense is that we are soul mates. We met each other very early in our journey in this incarnation, when we were fast asleep and completely unaware, to help each other on our spiritual journey. Both of us felt continually the pull to flee, to end the relationship, but the underlying pull of our souls was always stronger. We were incapable of separating. I thought we were codependent, which is certainly true in the 3D reality, but I always felt there was something else holding us together, a deep feeling of belonging together. As I finally understood a short time ago, thanks to Openhand, I had to laugh and thought: Thank goodness I've already met my soul mate. That's done with and over!

The journey I underwent with H. was an inner journey, this time not one across the world. It was the search for the holy grail, the search for the twin flame whose reflection we had seen in each other. It is by no means over, but now I can see the underlying plan, the purpose of it all as well as the guidance we received. It was the typical journey described in myths and fairy tales, the mystical journey we are all undertaking:
Prince and princess meet and are instantly separated by a witch or sorcerer, or the prince is turned into a beast or the princess into a frog. Then one of them has to search for the lost love, cross ranges of towering mountains and death-bringing deserts, voyage over wide oceans to the end of the world, kill dragons, fulfil countless tasks, bear hardnesses and misfortune, never knowing whether the beloved is still alive and can be saved.

In this relationship I was forced to grow up, to rely on myself, to fight for myself, to love myself, to take responsibility for my feelings, thoughts and decisions. It was a long, long journey. It's good to know why all the pain and suffering had to be, was necessary, inevitable. Why a normal, tepid, superficial life would not have served. It was a crucible.