I just want to say thank you to everyone who responded on this thread. At the time I didn't resonate much with the replies but I have just been reading through them again and realise that masses of it resonates about being a mother/parent and also being a child. I have been unravelling many layers connected to this karma with the help of facillitation from Michelle and have been continuing shedding layers myself too. I have started to be kind to myself and letting the self-judgement slip away each time I notice a distortion. On Friday I had my first client and I was nervous, so I got pretty angry at Maddy for getting toys out in the space I had created ready for the client, I quickly reflected on the bahaviour and apologised to her for being so unreasonable and explained that people are usually horrible because something else is going on for them underneath and that it is not her fault. I explained that I was nervous and that I learnt from a young age to get very angry because I was taught that being nervous is a sign of weakness. I asked her if she could forgive me and she looked me right in the eye and said 'of course I can mummy, i love you' - what an angel to forgive so quickly, she is inspiring. This instantly melted the situation as it always does. Our relationship has improved hugely these last few months since I realised that making mistakes is totally ok, as long as I try and learn from them and acknowlegde them to her so that she doesn't carry on these same messed up angry, controlling parenting traits. It feels great to break and mend conditioning.
With love to you all