Hi,

Thanks Fiona for your response! Since posting the message above, the purging and buzzing further increased up to a point that I felt like a pressure cooker about to explode. Functioning ‘normally’ this week without purging air in the presence of colleagues was quite a challenge and there were several points at which I felt like I was going mad. Weird pressures in my head and shoulders and yesterday it felt like the right top part of my head was breaking open. It felt like my body didn’t have enough capacity for the energy to come through all at once (again the feeling my body would explode), but then by not letting it all through at once the pressure was building up to quite an unbearable level.
There was clearly some resistance to the risk of explosion and going mad, and thus a certain level of control involved in keeping things manageable. At some point during a run/walk in the forest I pondered on this need for control and realized that it stems from a fear of being controlled (though I know that my soul cannot be controlled….). If I were to completely allow the strong energy to flow through me, it feels like I could easily end up momentarily convulsing, purging and moving uncontrollably on the floor in a manner that the matrix could decide I am a ‘mad woman’ that needs to be contained (e.g. institutionalized, drugged against my will, etc.). Being controlled feels very power/helpless and the same time there is anger/rage about it. Actually this week when I went ecstatic dancing, anger around controlling distorted masculine energy was coming up on the dance floor, particularly triggered by the behavior of a certain male character on the dancefloor. The word ‘seduction’ kept on popping up in reference to his behavior, which to me has a quality to it that is controlling and not authentic...

Today I woke up still feeling the pressure cooker, but the pressure has somehow gradually subsided, although I am not really sure how or due to what, there wasn’t a clear observable point of release. I do know I feel so much better and relaxed now, I can feel there is still some pressure and buzzing going on, but of a manageable, rather than overwhelming, level.

No matter how much I have already explored the Openhand website, there are always still new gems to discover, like this thread that popped up when I searched for Openhand and pressure cooker on Google ☺:
https://www.openhandweb.org/mastering_art_containment
With the experiences from the past week this was a very useful read, though I am still not sure what to do when the energy becomes simply too much to contain, as it felt this week? (Mmm, I can already feel a suggestion for martial arts or kickboxing coming again :)

Love,

Marije

P.S. Yesterday, as I followed the flow cycling to someone’s place in an unfamiliar town, I synschronistically passed a company called ‘Align’ ☺.