Hi Open,

Thanks for your feedback! Rationally I follow what you are saying and had already perceived it that way myself, that I my work might be at an other level than the actual assignment, yet at a deeper level there is a tightness around it. As I was reading your response, GUILT and self-blame is what was coming up and interestingly when I searched this thread with my ponderings, I realised that it is not the first time the issue of guilt has come up here:

‘I can see there is also a link here to my tendency to ‘doing’ rather than ‘being’, because there is an unconscious conviction as well as a sense of guilt that I can’t just ‘be’ there on the beach, while all these starfish around me dying, and ‘do’ nothing.’

‘So, I was asking myself what is the worst thing that can happen if no words/ideas come through and could then feel the incredible tightness around the answer ‘the report will never be written’. Oh my, there is some deep guilt and shame related to not delivering the report, which almost feels like a crime to be followed by capital punishment...’ 

I will have to explore this guilt deeper.... As I am writing this the image of a whip/being whipped endlessly is coming up strongly and my body tightening up in the process. I am sitting here in a small office with 6 people around me that are discussing work, quite interesting to observe being able to feel into the above in under these circumstances... I might need to contain some of this for later.

I can feel there is probably a different way that I can act in the current situation to get things moving, yet I don’t know how and my mind is probably too much trying to troubleshoot and find a ‘solution’, rather than letting things flow and arise naturally..... 

Exploration to be continued.......