I have recently been contemplating my challenges with ‘commitment’. I find it very hard to commit to something if I am not sure if I can commit a full 100% to it. It is like if I am 95% committed to something, but there is 5% not sure, then I find it very difficult to say yes to something. This usually leads to putting things off and procrastination until I reach the 100%. Thus when I am really sure about something it is quite easy, I just go for it, but in most other situations I find myself sitting on the fence. I have been pondering what’s behind this and it seems there is some kind of unconscious programming that once you commit to something there is no going back, unless there is an emergency. So when I for example agree to meet someone on a particular date in the future, it means that this fixed and there is no room for me to cancel (which would almost feel like a crime). Hence, when I am not sure if on that date there might be something else with a conflicting timing, I hold off from committing myself. I realise that there is something about not wanting to disappoint other people underneath it, which makes that I find it hard to commit if I am not 100% sure. Say I am 95% sure, then it means there is a 5% chance of having to disappoint someone if I commit myself, so in order to avoid that I don’t until I am sure. Something that Heike wrote somewhere on another thread today resonated in that regard:

‘Making a mistake through some failing on my part, something that I could have done better, something that could have been avoided if only I had paid more attention. ‘

I can see how as a consequence I often keep many balls up in the air waiting for the certainty to land first, which is often not very helpful and I might even be disappointing others by my inability to commit. Is there anyone who recognizes this commitment avoidance, who might have any tips for me?