I wanted to post something, but when I try to write there is just a sense of confusion, as if the threads in my head go in different directions, without lining up anywhere. And there is this feeling, a feeling that is saying a lot, yet can’t be put down into words on paper. Since Friday I have been feeling strange/ill with joint pains, back pains, fatigue, headaches, dizziness, bloatedness, low-grade fevers and lots of internal energy that seems to want to move all over the place. It feels contradictory that my physical body is feeling very sluggish and at the same time there seems to be a lot of energy wanting to move (it actually feels like the joint pains is excessive energy getting clogged up). When I lie down and close my eyes, I seem to be drifting of to some other space, and any attempt to sit in meditation ends up in a non-stop heaving session, to the point that this weekend I found myself with a mouth full of vomit after one heave Grinmacing, which was a first, because until then it had always just been air. On Monday I felt fully physically energized again and I thought I was passed it, but since yesterday I am back to feeling ‘sick’ again and this morning I woke up feeling like I had just been hit by a truck. I am struggling how to ‘be’ with this, without looking for a way for the physical discomfort to go away or to understand what all that I am experiencing is about…

 Heart

P.S. On another note, I never really posted an update that I jumped off the fence early February and moved ‘home’ to Malawi for now. Although the impact of the virus craze elsewhere in the world is definitely somewhat noticeable here, at the same time with no testing facilities, it means there is ‘no’ virus here yet and life pretty much goes on as usual Slightly Smiling