Ok, so I was going to write about an inquiry about the concept/idea of ‘truth’ that I have been having. However, in the process of trying to write my inquiry down that seemed to make so sense in my mind, I got more and more confused about what it was that I was trying to say and where my inquiry was really going. Then I realized that perhaps what I should really be writing about is the sense of confusion that I have been having lately. Although I am not even sure whether ‘confusion’ is actually the right word for what I am trying to express, so there is even confusion about what I am actually confused about…. But it is something to do with the way I experience reality these days that the confusion is related to.

First of all, my brain seems to have become a bit of a sieve and although there are enough things that I do remember, there is so many things these days, even happening yesterday or earlier today, that I already can’t remember now, as if they never even really happened. Secondly, whereas in the past I was able to let’s say ‘structure my thoughts’ into something comprehensible that I could then put into words to convey to others, these days when I try to put things into words, like the inquiry about ‘truth’, there seems to be no structure, just loose threads that don’t come together anywhere, even though somehow internally it makes complete sense to me. Often this leads to either giving up or not even trying to write things down in the first place. Thirdly, I have a lot of loud ringing in my head these days, often making it difficult to concentrate on something and there is a questioning whether this is some kind of interference or rather just more soul coming through that is pushing me out of my usual overthinking self. All in all my ‘mind’ doesn’t seem to function the way it used to, sometimes leading to a kind of ‘apathy’, because when the mind tries to operate as it was used to, it just ends up in a state of confusion.

And somehow the confusion leads to a sense of frustration, frustration for things ‘not working out’ anymore, for feeling like a loose bunch of disconnected threads that don’t seem to come together anywhere.

Does anyone recognize this?


P.S. As I have just posted this, I realize that there is some relationship of what I have written with my previous post on this thread titled ‘no storyline’ and Open’s response to it.