In reply to by .Jen

Hi Jen,

Thanks for checking in! You always have a knack for asking the right questions and ! There is definitely a part of me that is terrified of not being able to deliver within the context of this old paradigm/identity according to which I used to perform. I keep on having this image of myself in front of the people that gave me the assignment having to tell them 'I am sorry, I failed', causing a lot of tightness. And my mind is trying to find all sorts of external reasons why this might have happened that I could give to them, rather than having to tell them that I was incompetent/incapacitated to do it....

And yes there is indeed a part of me that isn't all that excited about taking on this assignment and kind of reconnecting with what feels like an old part of me. Yet, I am aware that this part feels pressured to deliver in the 'usual way', which is where some of the friction happens. It is like feeling pressure to deliver an 'old trick', yet the old doesn't work anymore and I can't really see a new way of delivering this either, which is exactly where the anxiety kicks in that comes with a sense of hopelessness and incapacitation to deliver the 'expected outcome'.