Open, thanks for your feedback and Janhavi thanks for the resonance, it seems that we are having similar experiences. Control seems to be a recurring underlying theme in my posts that it feels as if I might be repeating myself ☺. And I caught myself here on some kind of attachment to ‘making progress’ and a self-judgment that repeating myself means there is not much sign of progress.

With regards to your question ‘Are you afraid of falling apart?’, if I am honest, then yes I am terrified of falling apart, although I am not entirely sure why. Part of it is a fear of physically falling apart, the exploding into pieces that I mentioned earlier, which seems to have something to do with a fear of death and physical pain. But then there is this fear of ‘mentally’ falling apart or breaking down, which isn’t perhaps so much about the falling apart itself, but rather the possible consequences. That if I really completely fall apart, I might get sucked into the mental health matrix (like I know happened to you in Germany) and be drugged and locked away against my will. So the need for control is somehow caused by a fear of being (physically) controlled.

While writing the above, the expression ‘going out of your mind’ popped to mind and made me smile. I suddenly saw that this expression, which is often used to brand people for going crazy, if read literally is actually something rather positive (though perhaps not for the matrix…). Wouldn’t it be great if we would all go out of our minds more often??