Hello again Open :)
so I felt I wasn't complete with the uti/bladder thing so last night I said "show me" before bed. Wow my night was intense - dreams of sexual harm - a small group of people I was part of and we were in a tiny campervan and it was like an orgy but in the middle was a black insectoid slippery creature and when I realised it was there I knew I had to pull out. This meant my partner in the dream rejected me in fact I was completely rejected by all. Other dreams of being manipulated sexually and being around and peddling drugs. It was a heavy intense night and I woke with such pain in my legs right down them and in between them. Then I realised the bladder pain must be related to this stuff and it must be karmic. I tried to soften into the pain but couldn't seem to. Okay pretty personal bit here - I ended my "relationship" a few weeks ago but we still seemed to hang out together sometimes but its completely free and only when it flows theres no expectations and I have felt more sexual since ending the relationship than when I was in it! I feel so free its almost like I cant abide a societal kind of relationship. So I think that the freedom somehow allowed much more joyful sexual sharing. I experienced laughter and intense love whilst gazing into my ex partners eyes. This kind of related to one other time I had ended the relationship and we had arranged before hand to go to a spa together so we did anyway. On the way everything was 11 - the temp in the car - we both looked at the time and it was 11.11. Struck me as a special moment somehow. In the sauna I happened to look at him and he at me and in the meeting of our eyes wow it was like I could see his soul and the incredible acceptance of what I felt I needed to do - the ending of the relationship yet there was an acceptance in me that there was still a deep soul bond somehow. Needless to say we got back into the "relationship" again. So I am wondering was it the Iloving sharing of making love without the confines/imprisoning feeling of a "relationship" that triggered this heavy sexual karma to come up. I had thought it was my body telling me it wasn't okay to be sexual as I had ended our relationship but now I feel perhaps the love I saw reflected in his eyes that allowed this to come up. It has to doesn't it in order to evolve in this way? I don't know if I have fully released yet as my legs are still aching.

Last year I felt that my kundalini was beginning to rise but then it seemed to stop right down at the base or sacral area and maybe this is why this sexual karma. I had periods of getting really hot but didn't know if it was kundalini or menopause:) then it all stopped. I remember when I felt kundalini beginning to rise it felt like life a great flow in life was going to be unstoppable somehow it was going to be immense but then nothing else happened. I can see how I have blamed me feeling stuck on my ex partner and I also see now how hes been mirroring me - what I have judged in him has been really me. Yet he also has mirrored some great stuff - steadiness, supportive through both my parents passing, totally turning his life around from binge eating and partying (with drugs) often to almost the opposite, a great dad to his little girl. Difficult mirrors to see and lovely mirrors too but I didn't even realise this till very recently - having come across your site and all the information on it. I could only see the harsh stuff not the good stuff which means that's how internally I have treated myself too criticising and not seeing the good stuff.

So lots of processing for me - I had really lost my way but I feel I am finding my way home really now. Yesterday I sat in my garden sun was shining and I was sitting with my grandson and his little friend whom I am child-minding watching them laughing joyously blowing and chasing bubbles about , digging in the garden, racing about and I thought wow what an amazing "job" I have. To be honest I wouldn't have been able to go out to work for anyone else this last couple of weeks its been so intense and I have felt really weak - well I did till I told myself to get up and get on with life that the pain I was having was not me it was just an experience.This was after you suggested perhaps I had a blockage of ray 1.

Wow this much stuff coming up since finding your site - makes me wonder how the course will go!
much love and thanks
Elaine

I saw a "picture" this morning when I woke of a dolphin in very dirty water - it couldn't express its playfulness and joy because of the mucky environment it was in