Thanks Open.

I feel that my recent experience is a call to get much deeper into the OpenHand work.

I guess the confusion for me comes partly from the fact that I didn’t go out seeking to raise kundalini or embark on some meditative path but it just happened kind of spontaneously at a time of desperation and I stumbled upon an end display at Barnes & Nobles which happened to have Books for Soul and ran across Michael Singer book talking about meditation. Then later that day thought came, wonder if I could do the Ohm meditation. Usually when I try something like that on a lark I move on to something else and it doesn’t stick anyways. But, once I started, something inside seemed to remember and take over and from there it seemed to have a life of its own in terms of what I was doing - not coming from a book or teaching. So I had assumed I was being led by Higher Guidance and I seemed to stumble upon right resources at right time i.e. finding OpenHand video on YouTube etc. But then I went through period 3-4 months ago where I got really upside down energetically and was still doing a lot of Pranayam work. At that point I fortuitously cracked open the 5 gateways book to paragraph about being wary of Yogic breathing methods and becoming unbalanced etc. Also around that time I had a dream where there was an emerald glow in my heart chakra and this wise old lady was there and she was saying “we will teach you now” or time to find a teacher and the feeling I got was to slow down. Then within a few days 3 different people had used the term grounding in our conversations, so I took the cue and worked more in that direction. Thus, I was still feeling like I was following the guidance that was coming up on this journey but sometimes I am not so sure. The confusion for me, with my history of severe social anxiety/agoraphobia etc. and with a lot of that coming up now really intensely, is that I am wondering if all of this source pain stuff coming up to be worked through or is it coming up just from being out of balance and spiraling in the wrong direction. Trust has always been a huge issues to begin with, so I find myself vacillating between trusting the awakening process with Open Hand approach and wondering if I am just off course from doing so much of the energetic work early on (Pranayam etc) that you caution against – they say that once it is awakened, you can’t put the Kundalini genie back in bottle? Hope that makes sense.