Thanks Open, (I realise you're on a workshop ~ really appreciate the reply).

I became very focused on the question. It's a great question for me.
I don't know how I so effectively 'extracted' myself (interesting word). There wasn't any planning and it felt like one stroke of 'luck' after another. But I can say I left some what in chaos, 28 weeks pregnant, and took a small amount of things. But since teenage years I was hardly there - I took off for the alpes then travelled until my mum got cancer and I came back for a period of about 6-7 years to be with her.

It was a huge ride because after I had kids, I watched the 5 gateways (lol) and 'I' internally combusted - thanks for that ;) but really since then it's been very hard to connect with the life I had there, I know my aunts and uncles would say I've distanced myself but it's a struggle to do the small talk, I feel like my dna family connection doesn't exist - part from my sister and dad. My cousin wrote to me this week and mentioned that I haven't been back in 9 years. I don't see why I should feel like I'm due to go back. I wasn't particularly close to them. I don't know, it's confusing. I don't feel like I have unfinished business there, maybe I have on deeper levels. You know my relationship with England particularly London and the land is not good, I feel really bad in my gut to even ponder it. But there's nothing in this life that's particularly led to that. Although I have had multiple scenes of experiencing some very heavy/ traumatic situations there.

I think I'm rambling a bit - but how can I resolve this? Do I have to go there and play the part friends and family want me to play. Maybe I should just be truthful and say I had a spiritual awakening and can't relate to any of you anymore. Sorry if I'm out of the play. We never really had 'real' relationships anyway. Gosh that feeling of others putting their expectations is disorientating, like I don't know how to play that game. Whilst it looks magical here, I've also navigated my way through 'hell' and back, can't I just be left alone now? That's kind of how I feel.

I'm not sure what to do with this - these dreams do indicate I'll need to look more deeply.

Thank you for listening. Much love - hope the workshop is going great. Big hugs to everyone there.

K X