Sitting with the feeling of emptiness today...At some point in the feeling of the empty state and allowing it - there was a feeling of a blank canvas and from there arose the feeling to empty out my physical stuff...so I am taking a little break to share a little bit...noticing how over the last couple years I have left many projects unfinished and maintained a state around me that is fine enough...put together, clean, but not completely gone through - not completely emptied of unnecessities, not complete. As I was making bags of trash, and donation and keep, the question dropped in "what would it feel like to have everything done here" I felt a bit of a panic of how then there would REALLY be a space of emptiness and possibility - the possibility that would push me to both really allow the feeling of emptiness and to step out of my comfort more fully. Interesting to see how I have created a constant state of things unfinished so that I can stay in the comfort zone all the while feeling the pain of the box closing in on me...a very uncomfortable comfort zone! Ok, so there are still some sticky feelings about getting all my stuff really done around here but open to feeling the waves as they come.
Came back here to add another piece...it seems the crux of it is when I feel an urge to move into action in some way...I notice how I have been dissolving that b/c of some mind held idea of acceptance or of judging it as running around distracting myself with "doings" - a belief system about what being looks like even though I am aware that it need not be still externally!! =) I am seeing how I have kept myself stuck by feeling the urge and then dissolving it...it was eye opening to see how flowing with that uprising urge - the outer may look like a mundane task of sorts...going through and cleaning out my closets etc...but it lead to awareness of the inner landscape of another layer of beliefs, ideas etc.
Thanks for letting me share here!!