Emptying

Sitting with the feeling of emptiness today...At some point in the feeling of the empty state and allowing it - there was a feeling of a blank canvas and from there arose the feeling to empty out my physical stuff...so I am taking a little break to share a little bit...noticing how over the last couple years I have left many projects unfinished and maintained a state around me that is fine enough...put together, clean, but not completely gone through - not completely emptied of unnecessities, not complete. As I was making bags of trash, and donation and keep, the question dropped in "what would it feel like to have everything done here" I felt a bit of a panic of how then there would REALLY be a space of emptiness and possibility - the possibility that would push me to both really allow the feeling of emptiness and to step out of my comfort more fully. Interesting to see how I have created a constant state of things unfinished so that I can stay in the comfort zone all the while feeling the pain of the box closing in on me...a very uncomfortable comfort zone! Ok, so there are still some sticky feelings about getting all my stuff really done around here but open to feeling the waves as they come.

Came back here to add another piece...it seems the crux of it is when I feel an urge to move into action in some way...I notice how I have been dissolving that b/c of some mind held idea of acceptance or of judging it as running around distracting myself with "doings" - a belief system about what being looks like even though I am aware that it need not be still externally!! =) I am seeing how I have kept myself stuck by feeling the urge and then dissolving it...it was eye opening to see how flowing with that uprising urge - the outer may look like a mundane task of sorts...going through and cleaning out my closets etc...but it lead to awareness of the inner landscape of another layer of beliefs, ideas etc.

Thanks for letting me share here!!
Jenny

Comments

The physical pain I have been experiencing the last 3 weeks is seated from the spine behind my heart and shoots out my right shoulder and up into my neck. Two days ago I received an email from a family member that is experiencing shoulder pain as well and that he will never be able to lift his right arm again. He described himself as "broken". I felt there was something there for me... I had been seeing all these 7's recently and then a book was brought to my attention..."7000 ways to listen"...a sentence stood out to me..."You cannot set bone until you know where it is broken, and you cannot set upon the journey of becoming whole until you know where and how you are divided." It seems I am constantly brought back to the empty feeling and the feeling of isolation over and over and am only just learning to allow the emptiness without identifying with the idea of isolation that seems to come with the feeling,... Perhaps this isolation is coming up so that I can move through an old story... Abandonment has played out many times in my life... Including the ways I abandon the empty feeling by filling it in. It seems the experience of not knowing and of burning to dust all the maps of personal direction and embracing the open space is in order... To allow for the divine map to be expressed.

Why am I sharing all of this? Sometimes I wonder... Is it some need for a sign that I am on the right track? Well that would certainly not lend to letting go of needing to know where I am going or to trusting? I am open to the mirror though... Feel this is just a way for transparency and an opportunity to see where I am blind through the mirror of this site!

Jenny

In reply to by .Jen

One more thing I felt to add...my family member with the shoulder pain said to me "I have to lift the right arm with the left". To me that speaks of masc/feminine energy...Ray 1 and Ray 2? Over the last couple months things have been shifting from 11's to 12's...every story I hear or experience is 1 of this and 2 of that...and even when I actually try to force 11 (staying in a rental and chose 11 b/c it's always been "my" number) I got moved to 12. This feels about balance between 1 and 2 as well...and allowing acceptance, receptivity...open space to guide right action...as these come together I question it a bit b/c it's running through the mental plane and informing me from there...is this just too mental? =)

Hi Jenny - great that you're sharing - and no, it's not just mental!

I'm happy to provide a mirror.

    "It seems I am constantly brought back to the empty feeling and the feeling of isolation over and over and am only just learning to allow the emptiness without identifying with the idea of isolation that seems to come with the feeling."

Yes! The empty feeling is who you are. It is the infinite potential of the Void that you are. It's a paradox. If you can think of it in a particular way, a creation or feeling for example, then you've already made it less than - less than the whole. So the whole feels empty, but the ego doesn't like this. It thinks it should be something. Hence the sense of isolation. Eventually each soul that attains Enlightenment and Immortality must come to accept and find peace in resting in the Void. Let that be you, the blank canvass upon which all else if painted.

And what then gets painted, what choices or creations that happen maybe wonderful yes, but they are all transient. They are not who you really are. But they are the expressions of you which mirror and honour you. They're how you can 'see' yourself, 'see' who you really are.

    "Came back here to add another piece...it seems the crux of it is when I feel an urge to move into action in some way...I notice how I have been dissolving that because of some mind held idea of acceptance or of judging it as running around distracting myself with "doings""

Yes, you've perfectly defined the problem for the ego where being switches into doing. The Void rapidly vanishes! Who we truly are disappears in a puff of smoke! Doing is the expression of being. If you try to 'be' without doing, you'll fail, you'll tie yourself up in knots. Even meditation is doing. Even thinking is being.

Remember "Walking the Path"? Remember my story of the Kingfisher? The Kingfisher heads towards the image of the fish under the water. But the image is displaced from the fishes actual location by refraction when the light leaves the surface of the water. Somehow the Kingfisher knows that if it follows the trajectory it is guided by, at some point it will just 'fall into the water' and locate the fish.

So it is with the soul. The soul is the trajectory to the Void. But you can't intentionally find the Void, because you immediately establish an identity and thereby separation from the Void - from the presence that you are.

So instead, always seek to align with the inner pull, the expression of you. Allow things to happen but then expand into the contractions: like for example "what happens if I don't get this done", "am I thinking too much?" Watch these, expand into them and find the sense of 'rightness' in the moment. Then in this flow of rightness, just like the Kingfisher, you'll 'drop into the Void'. It's like every light in the universe comes on.

And yes, it feels like emptiness, which the ego may associate with abandonment. So keep sitting with the feeling of abandonment - which is the contraction - and penetrate through it into the sense of inclusive everythingness.

Much love

Open

In reply to by Open

Dear Open, thank you thank you! For illuminating this!! I literally feel that something within shattered in reading this.

This movement between feeling empty, which in itself is not the contraction, but just the clean slate,the void itself and the times of feeling that warm sensation of connection... Of contentment, waves of love...It could be in the midst of anything... painting my walls, listening my children talk, making dinner, just at perfect ease for
no apparent reason....perhaps these are the times when a temporary experience of soul expression is painted upon the blank canvas and will come and go. When the warmth is seemingly missing the sense of losing something arises. So what I gather here is that this emptiness is not the contraction itself it is the ideas and judgements about that feeling that is the contraction. i have heard you say many times that who i am is not love, bliss or light... though these may be felt as an expression of the soul... Who i am is that void from which it all arises...is this rightly put?

It seems then that meditation certainly does take me up and out of the emptiness that has the isolated quality but it is temporary...Seems it connects...lifts me up but there is still the lower feeling that then must be confronted in order to really expand.

Huge for you to remind me that as things seem to weave together, To see how I feel in response to all the little pieces that are being knitted together... When there seems to be an answer on how to be or how I am being in the moment... When I have the question of " is this right" to ask, listen, feel.

I wonder why at times there seems to be no urge to do anything at all...is it just that a greater degree of sensitivity needs to be developed? Free wheeling is really helping to tune in at this time when direction seems absent. In your experience, Are there also extended periods of time with no pull at all?

Thank you!! =)
Jenny

Hi Jenny,

    "I wonder why at times there seems to be no urge to do anything at all...is it just that a greater degree of sensitivity needs to be developed?"

Yes, yes and yes!

In the beginning no one's used to being still. Not used to emptiness. When the guidance switches off, you're being invited to go deeper still. Then when you've touched a new level of inner intimacy, it will switch back on again.

Always go deeper.

Open

Hi Open,

I just wanted to share with you, that whatever I felt collapse inside yesterday as a result of our interaction and integration...it lifted the pain right out of my back, shoulder and neck! There is only an echo of it that remains today. =) Thanks for your guidance! Love, Jenny

That's wonderful Jenny.
It shows your approach is aligned and taking you in the direction of 'rightness'.

Much love