Hi to you all,
glad to have found this site!
There are so many words inside my mind but i don't know where to start.
Oke, well, my (forum)name is Irisa and i'm saying hi from the Netherlands.
My journey started in 2004. I had just been on a trip to India/Nepal. Two days after coming home i had to work again. I could feel that relaxed feeling from the holiday already start to fade away and asked myself how i could keep this feeling. Well, i had just been to these beautiful countries and i thought: "What do they do over there?" Of course, meditate. But me? Meditating? I wouldn't tell anyone about this! I need to say: before all started i really had nothing going on with the spiritual. If anyone had told me before what was going to happen to/with me i would have laughed him/her in the face.
But oke, i tried to meditate late 2004. I sat down and listened to my own music, which wasn't really relaxing music. My way of meditating was trying to listen to only one instrument or tone in the music. It worked. Already the first time i was 'gone' for an hour. After the second or third time i fell asleep and had the most incredible dream. This dream was so clear and so special that it made me curious about it. Could this really be 'just another dream"? In this dream i lost my sight for 3 times, making me think i was turning blind. At the and of the dream i looked in a mirror and saw one of my eyes. The iris was pink instead of the blue-ish white (like from a blind eye) i expected to see.
From here the journey really started. I meditated only a few more times after this. Saw pictures during meditating. I was on the internet for hours, lurking information about the spiritual, about dreaming, dreamsymbols. I lay awake for about 2 hours every night before i fell asleep. As soon as i closed my eyes i saw pictures. I heard words, phrases. Sometimes, while lying in bed, it felt like i was hit by electricity.
I started writing poems, which just seemed to come out of nowhere. I would see a picture or think about a word and just had to sit down to write about it. Words started flowing and it would be hours later when the poem was finished. When i read it afterwards most of the time it made me cry.Often i had written answers to my own questions.
One afternoon i layed down on the couch, just to well, lay down. I didn't fall asleep but was in that strange state very quickly (just like i experienced hours before falling asleep at night). Suddenly my attention was pulled towards golden threads that were coming from lamp/light. The threads were very long. I stared at them for a while and a flame occured in them. From there my sight was pulled towards another spot in the livingroom. There i saw sort of an orb. This also contained sort of a flame and a face started to appear in it. A face of a man.
I used to turn red in my face almost everytime i talked to someone, but this just had vanished. I felt good. I was in the moment. I broke up with a guy. The way i handled my emotions was very surprising to me. I just went through it.
And I had sooo much energy.
But...unfortunedly...i was slowly building up fear. Fear of the unknown. Because...what else would come to me? What more would i start to see or hear? Back then i had found a forum to write about these experiences, which felt very good. But friends and family had nothing to do with this. Sometimes i would tell someone about it, but the reactions mostly were not what i needed. So i think i started to block things. The dreaming went on for a while. And till now every now and then a clear dream comes to me.Like last night. The last few weeks i'm asking myself if the things i'm experiencing for a while now could have to do with Kundalini. Last night then i dreamed about a large snake, mouth wide open...so yes, i think it could be about Kundalini...and fear....:-(
In about 5 years i fell on my back several times. After the last time i fell things started turning. I no longer could do my job.I had to find a new one. Every time i was talking to someone and would start a phrase with "i" i started crying and just couldn't stop.
A few months ago i had a back-massage. The woman started talking about the rootchakra. That's were i started to read again. About the chakra's, about the spiritual. I think my body is letting me know that work needs to be done. A few weeks after this massage my symptoms were getting worse and worse. (neck, upperback, shoulders) The pain i could handle, but my sight got blurry, sometimes it would feel like i wasn't here totally.I went to an osteopath. After two treatments one day i was cycling home. I had the feeling of low Sugar and ate something. But the feeling didn't go away. It felt like the trembling when low in Sugar but when i stood stillmy fingers weren't trembling but i felt huge vibrations i my whole body. I wanted to stop somewhere but i didn't, because i was afraid that if i would sit down to rest i just would pass out or loose it all. I just went on cycling, saying to myself that it was alright. A few kilometers further there was a moment where i touched my hair with my hand. While doing this it was like i lost it for a moment. It felt like i went out of my body. The feeling of shock made that i could go on. Once at home, i started to feel better during the evening. The treatments from the osteopath do work. But i still experience strange things. One evening i sat on the couch and alle of a sudden huge energy is going through my arms. I also have spasms of my arms while in a relaxed mode. I try not to be scared of it, but try to accept it. Somehow i just know that physically nothing is really wrong. I had several scans and tests and they showed nothing wrong.
So....a long story...
I just feel i need to go back on that path again. While writing this last sentence i get emotional. I think, it really is time...:-)...to get back on track. Because in 2004 in got to know the real me...with all possibilities...with so much energy...with the writing, the dreaming...and i loved it so much!!! It had been an amazing roller coaster ride....a fairy tale...
But i can't do it all alone...so, here i am...hoping to find some encouragement here;-), which i already found a little...while reading other peoples stories.
Have a nice day!