I am wondering your experiences and perspective on CPTSD and other mental health issues as a spiritual journey.
I have been taking a journey into trauma healing over the last few years. In the normal worldview, I've been diagnosed with PTSD or CPTSD to be precise. I've been working with the trauma I experienced in childhood, as well as others later in my life. What I believe happens is that a part of the soul splits off during a traumatic event, and I realise how much of my life I have spent not fully in my body and disassociated. Through becoming aware of how much I am in my body in each moment, I can now literally feel when I am triggered and my soul leaving to some degree.
I believe there is a wounded animal, the survival part of the brain that reacts and sends me into a freeze/fawn response. I've worked at bringing my awareness into these moments and becoming 'one' in it. Part of the PTSD means that I experience flashbacks, some of them very unpleasant. I can see a time when I was raped by my father for example, and of course, the survival mechanism kicks in quite strongly at these times. I have also been looking into the Shamanic perspective of mental health and can see how because of this process I became intimate with 'escaping into other realms' at a young age. My 'curse' became my 'gift' in this way.
I have also been doing rebirthing work and have travelled into previous lives and worked with the karma. However, this karma is so very linked with my life today. I can see how there has been an ongoing thread throughout my soul's journey. During the flashbacks, I can see and feel a variety of experiences, and sometimes I am not sure whether they are from this lifetime or another, due to the protective mechanism of the brain, that 'splits' of the traumatic memory and only comes to the surface when ready.
I know that to work with it means becoming the one in it. Yet this is not always possible to do in a busy life, the images and memories are so great, I fear that I will be hospitalised! I've been walking pretty much a solo journey for four years now, so not much support in terms of dealing with this.
I know and understand that the 'trauma' is one side of the same coin. Yet, I can feel it all brewing. I have lost all recognition of who or what I am. When I close my eyes I see a bolt of lightning shattering me to the core, I feel in my sacral and root chakra the constriction of having my very survival threatened. But not just for me in this lifetime, it feels enormous, much bigger than me.
I am waiting for space where I can go right into these 'horrific' flashbacks, and I am feeling a lot of pain in my body.
Somewhere out of all of this is my true self, who I am becoming. Yet I'm not at all sure what that is ;)