Help needed with repeating life patterns

Can anyone help explain this to me.
I am REPEATEDLY in my life getting excited about doing something-work or otherwise. I am full of enthusiasm, excited, feeling good about doing 'it', spending lots and lots of time and energy on 'it'. Then the day comes and I start doing 'it' and quite quickly It doesn't work, it 'fails' and what started off as all consuming and wonderful doesn't work. I am aware of this constant repetition in my life but there is obviously something I'm not getting. What do I need to learn?
Now that I've realised I'm doing this I say let go, and instead of giving up soon I say no the old me used to do that so believe in yourself, keep going, but still it seems to 'fail' and I give up fairly quickly.When I've given up the thing I was enthusiastic about I get a sense of relief and I can wash my hands of it,and sort of get rid of it even though I had been so enthusiastic originally! It's like I go from so enthusiastic to dropping it like a red hot brick!
I also realise it is scary if it works and some of me doesn't want it to, and when I recognise I'm doing this I say to let go. inside I know I am so capable. I know I have confidence issues, and I have come a long way over the years from what I was. I do feel the fear, and aim, and sometimes get to the eye of the storm where it is calm. I know the only way is through. I have got strong feeling of I'm fed up of repeatedly fighting with myself internally, I don't want to play the game any longer,I know it so well.
At the moment I so want to give up on the job I'm doing,as I entered into it to help in an eco way but management aren't helping me and I have repeatedly asked what I can do to help with food waste which is the issue I've gone on and on about. It's like I haven't got a voice, nobody is listening. I've stuck it out because I have given up on so many other jobs in the past and why do I keep doing this.
I love to cook, and I love sharing food with people. I like to make people happy through food. I have had the idea to sell my homemade food via a market cafe, or use food that would be wasted to make meals for people who need them. Then my mind says you've done so many things in the past and been really enthusiastic and then give up on them,and what if you start this and repeat the cycle yet again and give up like all the other times. Then I say can I physically do this six days a week,I won't have any free time. Do I want to do this six days a week.
So I feel I'm in a dilemma. Can anyone shed any LIGHT on this for me please.

Comments

Hi Yvonne,
I am also going through something similar to what you mention. I only realized my own patterns very recently. It felt as though I was clinging on to outer careers, goals and projects to bring happiness to me because I was not feeling fulfilled in the present moment. I got excited about everything...teaching, getting into business, writing a book etc. I thought every one of these would finally be "the answer". But everything I tried, I somehow failed at or quit. I then realized I was not accepting what is here, now, and in front of me. Acceptance is key for me. Acceptance that everything is around me for a reason. The more I tried to attach and force an outcome, the more I failed and the more I wasted my energy on things that were not in the flow. I was in a job I resented very much, but when I became more aware, I was pulled effortlessly into another job. I now have more enjoyable work yes, but still have so much more to learn about myself before I can move on yet again.
I still struggle at times with accepting without efforting an outcome, however it has helped me tremendously to allow what is meant to be, to just be. Best of luck :)

Hey Guys,

I get the strong sense you're coming into 'doingness cold turkey'. What's that all about?

Humanity is just so conditioned to doing and achieving things - even if it be simple things. Most people's lives are based on an endless string of goals throughout the day - things they must do and achieve: shopping, washing, cleaning, working, cooking etc etc etc. Even spiritual practice like meditation and yoga become something we must do and achieve.

    The soul isn't like that - rather there are arising flows of sensation, impulse and feeling about a 'sensation of being' - right in this moment. There is no end goal to it, no achievement, no particular creation. The paradox is, that when we're in this free flowing state, we're likely to be the most creative we could ever be.

It's a real challenge holding and embodying this state on a daily basis when we have some kind of job to do, something we're committed to most of the time. It's so often a total contradiction to the absolute spontaneity of the soul.

That's why when people do get free time, then often still need to schedule or achieve something. Most are addicted to some kind of activity.

You have to work really hard at just being. With no objective. Not even meditating and definitely no 'entertainment'. Try just sitting with yourself increasingly, just watching, feeling, experiencing. Set plenty of time aside where there is absolutely nothing to achieve or do - simply let the pull take you and observe (it's something I get people practicing on the Openhand level 2 course Path between Worlds).

    I suggest concentrating more and more on how you feel to be, and seeking a way of expressing that. It could be how you walk, speak, move, express - always it's about aligning with an authentic feeling.

But you do have to work very hard at this non-working state before you break through these constraints of the soul. And to do that, often the soul will take you through a constant rising and falling, a constant ebbing and flowing where you're apparently moving towards a goal only for it not to complete.

It's a great way to give up the struggle and break into being.

Open *OK*

Hi Open and Kari,
I recognise what you say Open. I feel iim aware in lots of moments but sometimes I get caught up in the mind games and not always aware.
Since reading your replies I have let go more and seeing what I feel to do in the moment.
I've felt more peaceful inside rather than turbulence.
When I'm aware life is so simple and peaceful. The answer is simple but not easy ! Thanks

Great that you see it Yvonne.

In the Openhand approach, we consider there are 7 rays of consciousness that make up the soul, all of which are likely to have various distortions as they come into being. So it might feel like we've already dealt with an issue, but actually we're dealing with something different that's related.

In this case, my sense tells me it might be a distortion of the ray 7. You can find out more here if you're interested... The Soul's Purpose and the Seven Rays

Open

Hi Open,
I can relate such a lot to the 7 Rays. I especially recognise thinking I've dealt with an issue only for it to resurface again. It feels like the more aware I become the more I have to deal with my 'stuff' at a deeper level.
One strong thought I get is I don't want to play the game any more, I've been there so many times and am tired of it, I feel I want to totally surrender, or maybe it would be better to say I feel I have surrendered but Im not ready to accept i have. I'm tired of game playing, repeating the cycle of my fears. A sort of feeling of submission. A felling of full circle I suppose, I started off moving round the circle of my own life journey only to end up where I started but to really know myself, and smiling once I'm there.
Yvonne

Hi Yvonne,

Great that you see it *OK*
I do believe a working understanding of the 7 rays helps greatly. That's why we often talk about them and help people work with them.

Perhaps it might help to contemplate what being "there" really means? And what does tired of the "game" mean? Because there is no fixed place to be. There is no plateau to rest upon - at least not as an experience - not when one is continually in presence. Can you hear that, can you feel that? Can you soften into the place that needs it to be any other way? Perhaps one that feels it's arrived or needs to arrive?

There is the continual game, the continual movement, the continual opening out, the continual moving through, the continual surrender, and there's nothing else going on!

Yes it's tough. I can feel for anyone arriving in the midst of this realisation. It's especially tough because of the density and incongruency of this place. But once accepted, it does get easier, especially in the higher densities.

I'm with you Yvonne.

Open *give_rose*

Hi Open,
I feel since acting on your replies I already have a deeper understanding. Ive been practising just being instead of effort ing/ doing more and feeling more peace through that. Yes absolutely I see what you're saying regards 'contemplating what being there really means'
I do so appreciate your replies, and it is heartwarming to know you are with me.
Yvonne x