How being Alone becomes "All-One"

Submitted by Fiona Reilly on Wed, 01/13/2016 - 06:23

Recently I found myself with lots of solitary time. ​Part of me really cherishes such quiet time and is increasingly at ease with my own company, while another part of me at times feels the pain of what Jung termed "existential aloneness". I see existential aloneness as the sense of separation that we experience when we incarnate into human form. We feel a separation from Source. I believe this is necessary so we can find our selves again and know who we truly are. There needs to be relativity, we cannot know our light until we know our darkness. "I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments" Oriah Mountain Dreamer.

In truth I have all I need

​I am aware of a neediness that is sometimes evident in me, an expectation that the world and the people around me should be different and fulfill my apparent needs. Ultimately, I am also aware that even in this dense place, I always have exactly what I need and when I am open, support comes in unexpected ways, whether it be a ladybug, a sunset, an angelic floating feather or a synchronistic meeting with another. When I am open to receive without expectation or need, I dance with the universal energy and magic happens, I have everything that I need and more.

When I become identified, resist and get absorbed in the pain or loneliness, I cause myself suffering. I recognise the importance of being with such painful feelings, whatever they might be, exploring them and finding the root cause.

Through such honest exploration I can move through and beyond the source pain and find joy with the realisation that we are All One. I become whole within myself!

Most important relationship

​The most important relationship we have is that with ourselves, this is the basis from which all other relationships emanate. A positive relationship with myself evokes a sense of completeness, that I can then bring into my interactions with others. Time alone helps me find, and get to know, my true self and connect with my authentic beingness without external distractions. I am able to give so much more of myself as a result of spending invaluable time alone.

I like these words by Clarissa Pinkola Estes

“In order to converse with the wild feminine*, a woman (or a man) must temporarily leave the world and inhabit a state of aloneness in the oldest sense of the word. Long ago the word alone was treated as 2 words – all one. To be all one meant to be wholly one, to be in oneness, either essentially or temporarily. That is precisely the goal of solitude, to be all one.” *Within the context I interpreted wild feminine as the intuitive aspect of self.

Message from The Little Prince

The evening after I wrote this article, I was synchronistically drawn to watch the movie The Little Prince based on the novel by Antoine De Saint-Exupery. Discovering the movie felt like a beautiful affirmation, illustrating that the Universe provides answers and what I might need. There were many themes around being alone within the movie. The little girl gets upset when those she loves are about to leave. The pilot in the movie tells her "Look with your heart and I will always be with you" and the fox can see the Prince when he looks with the heart and will never be lonely again, for as it states in the story...

  • "It is only with the heart that you can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye."

Never Alone

And of course no matter how alone or lonely we might feel, when we look with our hearts there is an angelic presence that surrounds us and gives me comfort! I feel immense gratitude for the beauty of angels in my life! It inspired me to share this Sarah McLachlan - "Angel" video...

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Hi Rayko,

Thanks for sharing your exploration, it feels like there is a delicate balance between having time in solitude and being in relation to others. Thanks Ben for sharing your keen insights.

There is a great power in being vulnerable and being seen by others. I agree Rayko much of our experience of vulnerability (or mine at least) arises in relation to others. It also supports me in seeing and getting to know more of me in a different way to spending time by myself. As I type that I can feel tightness at the thought of exposing myself... much easier sometimes to hide away (though that's not what I'm here for). While being in relation to others is another wonderful way of discovering more about myself and a source of much joy, connectedness and soulful expression! Ben highlights the interconnection that we are all part of that is such a rich part of the human experience.

I guess the question that is always useful to ask is "What is right for me in this moment?" and to keep walking my path, which can take me where I need to be...

Love, Fiona

oh and also from a pratical perspective I know its not always easy. because the soul has that dynamic I think - to realise Itself, in relation to others.

I mean there's an invitation to look for soul yearning - how does soul wnat to express?
Perhaps there's a need to go deep into the numbness as Fiona said, perhaps the soul is looking for itself within that place. Once you've experienced it as much as you need, then you can find the light through that and the path forwards. What does it evoke for you? What feelings arise, and can you be with them? Perhaps there's an invitation to be able to support and honour your self, to love yourself?

Then also perhaps there's a pattern of hiding away because it feels ultimately 'easier' than interacting, and being vulnerable? But does it serve you? Perhaps you know your soul wants more because of how you feel. Perhaps its the resolution of those feelings and sense of purpose taht's required? If that's the case, how do you feel to 'move forwards', to be, to express?


that's a good realisation I think Rayko. how being vulnerable is in realation to other(s) - otherwise its a sort of sad detachment, perhaps its a survival trait. I've been there its quite a wretched place. We are after all relational beings. Time spent alone is of great great value to self realisation,... and so is our interaction with others. If interaction with others is less than we 'need' (for our own highest expression), we're not expressing the fullness of ourselves. Of course 'others' might be partners, friends, colleagues, neighbours, animals, nature, guides etc. Interactions may be challenging, beautiful etc.

Many indiginous American tribes finish/begin ceremony etc with the term 'for all my relations'. I think that's so beautiful - it referes to the interconnection that we are part of.

best wishes


Hi Jen,

The Vipaassana had been dancing with me for some time too, until it finally landed! I'm sure it'll be powerful, will let you know how it goes...

Love, Fiona

Hey Rayko

feelin ya ! yes I know it can be hard, and easy to hide away, but then again perhaps you're meant to experince that for a while too and see what feelings comes up? which ever way your comfort barrier is - push against that! hee ;-)

best wishes


Thanks Jen,

To explore this - "Part of the journey through aloneness seems to be confronting the feeling that you will be alone forever with no support, no connections" feels very powerful and deep - and scary!

For sure, it's all a continual work in progress. Interestingly, I've felt the pull to do a 10 day silent Vipassana retreat next month. That'll be a deep exploration of being alone!!!

I send a little air for your glowing ember, love Fiona

In reply to by Fiona Reilly

Hey Fiona, I have had a vipassana retreat dancing around me for a while now, but up to this point the timing hasn't worked out. I would love to hear more about that when you return, a deep exploration indeed!! =)

Thank you for the stream of cool Avalon air for the ember! I'll remember that when the flame is feeling low <3

With love,

Hi Rayko,

Thanks for your sharing :)

I wonder if it's worth exploring what is beneath the numbness and if this is why your throat hurts? The only way out is through (F)

With love, Fiona

In reply to by Fiona Reilly

Hey Fiona

I have explored this numbness!
I think the problem I experience when I am in solitude is I don't feel vulnerable. Who is there to feel vulnerable to? No one.

Our society tends to numb this feeling of vulnerability, but then you numb every other feeling aswell....

And in solitude you also deprive yourself of a collective social joy, like when you finish a piece of work with your collaborators, or when you sing together in a choir.

Ben, funilly, that's why I think it's easy to hide away: No one to feel vulnerable towards.

Thanks for the thoughts!

The more time I spend alone, the more I want to be alone. There's no one there to break your little bubble I find. Funny....
Why? Coz greeting the dawn with others is more enjoyable, and I've never woken up to find anyone else but me pillow next to me. And so I numb myself in solitude forgetting that this be a livable scenario.
Throat hurts now :'(

Hey Fiona- thank you for the kind encouragement. It is all very much a work in progress as the feelings that come up when this stuff is stimulates is still in there ... I have more work to do to go deeper into it for sure, but the aligned feelings are growing at the same time which bolsters me through it. Powerful what you said here:

"And then if I can be open in that not needing space, support and connection arrives in unexpected and magical ways."

Yes in working through these feelings and finding sovereignty through it, then I am open to the unexpected, to the magic. Part of the journey through aloneness seems to be confronting the feeling that you will be alone forever with no support, no connections - there is a lack of trust... A belief that maybe I am just left to fend for myself...and in diving into that something else is found. Right now it's still an ember but growing =)

With love,

Hi Jen,

Thank you! I recognise the dichotomy you speak of, the ups and downs of being alone! What a deep exploration you're having, how wonderful to be unravelling and then reclaiming those aspects of you - awesome!

How beautiful to have that sense of completeness and not needing another to take care of things! And then if I can be open in that not needing space, support and connection arrives in unexpected and magical ways.

Your authentic you is beautiful (F)

With love and blessings, Fiona

Hi Fiona - First of all I really appreciate the way you write and all of the little treasures you pull in =).

What you say here is so key:
"When I become identified, resist and get absorbed in the pain or loneliness, I cause myself suffering. I recognise the importance of being with such painful feelings, whatever they might be, exploring them and finding the root cause."

My own journey with being alone is in one hand so lovely in that I do fully enjoy the time that I am alone - I don't feel like I have to have someone else around - it's essential and so nurturing for me. On the other hand I have been confronting the subconscious patterns of need that arises when I FEEL alone, when I feel I can't handle reality by myself and how I can project that fear onto those around me - get angry or feel they are the source of the pain when they can't be physically or emotionally there for me in the way I think I need. I am finding the most beautiful sense of capability - of taking care of things - not waiting for someone else and also a sense of completeness inside - a deeper connection that's only available when I stop reaching for others. I also feel more able to allow others (and myself) to be as they are, to love them/me more, to let space grow even when fear wants me to close the gap and accept my own creation and why I have created it. I have been going through waves of this as there is an unravelling of the entanglements in my relationship. As this happens it is getting easier to feel what is authentic in it all - it's been a deep confrontation and transformation of what being alone means to me and an awesome treasure hunt of qualities I am reclaiming...I am sure it is still to unravel in ways I can only imagine and truly feeling All One emerges through each confrontation of where I am not feeling All One! =)

I have never seen The Little Prince movie! I am going to watch that!!

Thank you Fiona so much for the lovely sharing.

With love,

Thank you Open <3

Yes, Trinity we're reflecting a few parallels at the moment, a joy to share the journey with you! :)

Tigger, you are most welcome, I'm glad it provided what you need just now! ((((big hugs))))

Love, Fiona

Fiona, when you wrote: " expectation that the world and the people around me should be different and fulfill my apparent needs." Boy, that hit me in the solar plexus.

I feel more existentially "alone" in the crush of people than I do in the forest. When I read your words I realized that it is my expectations about the world and the people that is creating separation. You have no idea how timely this is for me. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you!

love, tigger