Kundalini Activation - At the Gate of Transfiguration

Dear Friends of Openhand, Kundalini activation and flowing towards Transfiguration can be so disorienting. Reassuring feedback via posts/emails and understanding of the process stabilized my experience and helped me dodge a possible pharmacological interference. This thread sprouted spontaneously from the “Etheric Moon Circle” Forum posted by Helen. I felt a pull to migrate it here and let the Moon Circle flow their lovely way. I received personal sharings from few other Openhanders who identify with the process. Let this be a place for those who choose to share their journey through the Dragon's Gate. It all started here:

http://www.openhandweb.org/comment/21923#comment-21923

OVERWHELMING REALITY CHANGES
It all began with the reality shifts that made me suspect I may be suffering mental/brain illness:
- Spontaneously feeling of being one with the elements of the world (clouds, trees, horizon, people)
- An overload of issues/distortions demanding my attention leading to exhaustion.
- Energy flowing through my body, moving it spontaneously during Aikido classes.
- Changes in relationships – some friends became 2 dimensional and I withdrew energy from the relationships.
- Meeting strangers that speak words as if from a movie, for example: “I was waiting for you to contact me. It seems it is the right time for you now to begin this lesson”
- Seeing and feeling the dragon symbol a lot (symbol of Kundalini). Seeing another presence within myself (the Asian man, my higher self)
- Sense that my life is a movie and I’m going crazy.

Open’s feedback
In this place, there will be two strongly competing influences going on inside - and inside your head. There'll be the old reality, which will have systems of behaviour you're used to - the old Margaret. And you also building a new, multidimensional landscape - the "movie". Except this new "movie" is more real than reality! This multi-dimensional movie is mostly perceived in a physical way through the right side of the brain. And it does take time to integrate left and right as the Transfiguration kicks in. It tends to highlight the separation in both sides. And it takes time to break up the old neural pathways and reconnect new channels. Be discerning about who you share these experiences with in your vicinity. The majority will not 'get it'. Even most 'awakened' people are only partially awake and struggle with the impact of full blown kundalini. Look for a buddy to share with as you progress through this transition. Someone aware of such matters who you can communicate with on a regular basis - even daily.

THE QUICKENING
- Being in a frequent dialog with the “outside world” that now feels like it’s flowing out from me and rearranging itself depending on how I am being. Major synchronicities happening that speak to me strongly, for example: I stopped at a supermarket to get bananas for the road and thought “I’m really liking all these synchronicities” and I felt slight tightening/grasping. “Wow, I’m choking the flow, what do I do now?”… I looked up and a label said “soften”… My ego kicked in wanting to own some of the experience, the next sign said “Caution, Slippery!”. Slippery ground, indeed. Somehow I softened and didn’t trip at that point.
- The moments of oneness, where I am the world and the world is me are intensifying. There is a sense that each expression naturally unfolds into the next and a new state emerges to be then transformed again. I’ve noticed these moments of oneness eradicate blame, resistance and holding on to experiences.
- The Asian man is now imprinted in my third eye and seems to be my higher self. I feel his presence stronger now. It presence intensifies in moments when I need to pay more attention to what's unfolding. In short, there is a communication between me and my higher self.
- Even the short moments of reconnection seem to reverse years of conditioning imprints. They reveal something that feels like sparkling potential that allows form to manifest and the gentle humming of the mysterious organizing force that generates my reality. I begin to suspect, this humming is coming from me.
- Feeing like I’m in the process of demolishing an artificial structure that used to be me. And there is no other way.

Open’s feedback
These experiences are totally real in the multidimensional state. I call it the "quickening". Keep riding the wave. Let it take you, but always remember it's not about the physical outcome in the 3D world - it's all about how you feel and what you integrate at a soul level. It's important that you also work to stay grounded as this is all unfolding. Stay connected to the Earth as well - to the 3D. Stay grounded but keep pushing forwards - a channel is opening. And yes, this 'dream' will become much more real than the old drama.

THE GRIEVING
- Experiencing a strong feeling of losing someone close, wanting to hold on to her longer. Fear of losing the old Margaret forever, but knowing that she has to go. Crying and crying more.
- Feeling tremendous love and compassion towards the set of experiences called “Margaret”. Wanting to honour her departure with a ceremony.
- Feeling larger gap between the Margaret consciousness and the higher self consciousness. Not identifying with the name “Margaret” in those moments.
- Buzzing and having hard time sleeping
- Becoming the Asian man, "Lao" consciousness and seeing Margaret as a separate entity.

Open’s feedback
As you move into Transfiguration, there's a sense of being two beings at once then switching from one to the other. So now you're becoming your higher self, looking back at Margaret the lower self. And there's a grieving because you know that it's time for the lower self to leave. As the false aspects of the lower self dissolve away, lower self merges into higher self and you become One - the One. Integrate the feeling of 'Lao'. Then you'll know what to do in due course - just let it all happen.

Comments

Dear Friends,
The high energy rushing through my body tires it out. I’m spending time outside, grounding and feeling into the new consciousness, my higher self. Integrating this fresh experience. This is such a delicate process and I trip at even the slightest attempt to control it. It’s an up and down voyage at this point. Some powerful synchronicities are flowing like a dialog. I’m having a bit of a drama issue with my higher self being masculine (!).

I recently observed strong synchronicities through random tracks activating on my music player. Today, I switched it on wanting to hear a feedback. Nothing came through. I’ve learned to recognize a synchronicity through my body’s reaction to it: I feel freezing in my veins and the time slows down. It felt like my flow was just a bit contracted because of some attachment to the outcome.

Later, I had an appointment with a clerk, whose name turned out to be Mrs. Block! When leaving I quietly asked "show me what this block is about?". In the car my player started randomly and I heard this: "You are wanting to be One and it feels like wanting to connect or dissolve into the One. On the aversion side is the wanting to be separate, which feels like wanting to pull away or reject and to maintain this separate identity called "me".” I froze. Yes, I am rocking back and forth from wanting to be One to wanting to be separate. I'm just allowing this rocking, easing into it and softening.

Then I received a message from someone asking me to migrate from the "Etheric Moon Cycle" so the participants can find the red thread again. It made total sense, but the real message there was a reflection of how I’m trying to control the flow to find my own red thread again. From there things were flowing again! I had some longer moments acting as Lao and thinking that "Margaret would feel differently about this".

My GOD, this integration is such a fragile process. There is a multitude of habits that will kick in if I’m not present and conscious of what I’m doing. A friend from Transfiguration course shared with me today that for him the most important part in the Kundalini integration was to trust and surrender. This Community gives me additional strength to trust, which helps me to let go a bit more, to surrender more fully. Staying with it, even if moving a little step at a time, it's still moving forward, right?

Last week I felt a strong pull to just put my life on hold and move somewhere else for a month or so. We’ll see what wants to transpire.

With love,

Margaret

It's wonderful you have done this. I thought this might happen and it's so needed. This entrance through transfiguration is very close to my heart in terms of support and there's often little real understanding or authentic experience around it. It is a fragile traverse but we can let go into it - no doubt about that. And when we do trip up - we learn pretty fast if supported and understood. I'm connected to many people experiencing this right now Margaret, you are definitely not alone. I shall send them a connection to these invaluable sharings. Holding a space of love for you. Many blessings Katie x ....and keep sharing, keep talking ..xx

Hi Margaret - you're doing great, just keep riding what comes up.

Do not expect it to be a particular way, even if the day before it was so, don't expect the same experience today. During transfiguration you're connecting up many channels and frequencies. Some will be peaceful and calm, others strongly powerful. Sometimes your consciousness will forcibly break through layers, at other times you need to move softly.

Look for a key - a word, or a vision, or a metaphor, one that keeps helping you realise this is all about presence and opening into it. That's what naturally happens as the flows of consciousness connect up - the soul is reconnecting back to the source.

Most especially, avoid 'medicinal pharmacology' which risks locking both unintegrated states in place and dumbing them down, so as to be more manageable. But all that does is secure a fragmented state.

And I say again - be very careful with whom you share this all - especially those around you who are unlikely to understand.

Trust in the divine. Take your time. Keep watching the energy and where it wants to take you. Watch where ego takes over and surrender it. Keep dissolving it - in the way we've been doing on the course work.

If you need to connect privately, do let me know. Or else Katie is connecting - I suggest you guys skype.

With love

Open

Hi Margaret,

May I offer a few of my own thoughts from my own experience of K activation, and from my experience and knowledge of Yoga practice, and how they relate.
K activation is a big landmark in the Yoga model of Self-realisation too.

The great Yoga sages recommend 2x general principles to be employed.
One active, the other passive.
Each of us should find what works best for us in the moment, and in the longer term.

On the active side;

Employ grounding/balancing/centre-ing practices; exercise/posture, breathing, meditating, walking bare-foot outside in nature etc.
If you're feeling agitated then a gentle approach is likely to be more beneficial.
But sometimes a more vigorous practice may be more appropriate.

Yoga practice also recommends working towards and maintaining clean systems in body and mind.
This would mean things like;
Eating well, avoiding poor quality food.
Allowing yourself to sleep fully when you need to.
Avoid mental disturbance eg strong or violent imagery/movies, TV and newspaper 'News' (aka 'fear porn'), etc.
Perhaps try uplifting substitutes instead ... perhaps the Upanisads or other spiritual writing?
How about the great spiritual poets, Rumi, Tagore, Gibran?
Beautiful music, of course.
There are some wonderful movies, and youtube videos, also available, as I am sure you know.

On the passive side;

As you have said above, surrender with trust is key.
Allow what will be to be.

Become the witness, the seer, observer.
Avoid identification with the ever-changing experience.
Meditation, of course, helps and supports.

One cannot force K, and should not try to.
We can only prepare the ground, as it were.
It will release when you and it are both ready.

~

I hope this helps.

Warmest wishes to you.

Rich.

Katie, Open, Rich. Thank you again for this invaluable advice and encouragement.
There are so many great feedback points in your replies. Open, you said:

During transfiguration you're connecting up many channels and frequencies. Some will be peaceful and calm, others strongly powerful. Sometimes your consciousness will forcibly break through layers, at other times you need to move softly.

I wasn’t aware of it. I’ll pay attention to these frequencies now. I pretty much gave up trying to explain what is happening in 3D terms and noticed it speeds up the process. The explaining felt like an attempt to contain it. I'm much better off without it and I feel I can build greater momentum without the internal commentary.

Now that I get what is actually going on, I will be staying away from mental health medical intervention. I am not sharing it with anyone except for the Openhand Community. I am pushing forward as the flow wants to direct me. Last night when I was grounding leaning against a large tree I felt pointy energy leaving my body through the feet. It felt like I was flushing needles into the earth.

Rich, thank you for laying it out to me. Things are even clearer now.
Katie, I will contact you via Openhand message, perhaps we could chat on skype?
Open, I’ll keep your offer to skype as my ace in the sleeve. It will know when it needs to be pulled out :-)
I’ll be boarding a plane in 3 minutes, going west to meet the east. This reality feels surreal and I really like this new way of being.

Margaret

Something wanted to emerge today, triggered by a movie I watched on the plane. I went into a process of releasing something that turned out to be the Princess in the Tower identity. I don’t know yet how much of it dissolved, the future will show. All I know is I followed my higher self and touched something important. And that counts for something! So this is what happened:

Staying with it and pulling a thread
As the welling up began, the conditioning kicked in and the first reaction was to get distracted. I closed my eyes and went quietly inside allowing all that wanted to be held in the awareness to come forward. A familiar childhood memory emerged: little blond girl sitting on the floor in her room carefully building a tower with her blocks. The goal was to build a structure as tall as possible. The taller the tower the better I felt. Once in a while my mother would come in the room, destroy the tower and leave (so I can remain occupied!). I would obsessively rebuild it and it went on and on.

Allowing a deeper exploration
I go deeper into this meditation, relaxing the body and softening. Now, I’m standing in a meadow on a sunny summer day, a tall brick tower with no entrance right in front of me. I’m in the tower watching the little blond girl (me). She is sitting in a sunny room on the floor, colorful blocks already formed into a very tall tower. She is still adding more. With each added block, the brick tower we’re in is gaining height. I extend my presence to embrace her and feel such a deep sadness and loneliness. This tower is so redundant, I just want to break it, but if I do that, she’ll rebuild it. She is the only one that can dismantle it. I feel into the sadness and loneliness.

Getting to the core emotion
This is very heavy. I go through a long time of feeling into emotions, memories, quietly allowing for the core emotion to emerge. It is the fear of rejection paired up with the sense of not being good enough. How do I know it’s the core one? It emerges with a gripping fear and is tied to all the other emotions. The little girl wants to hide, so I sense this is it (at least for now). I’m feeling deeply into this rejection terror and not being good enough. What a dread. Emotional situations run down my consciousness like movie snippets. Thankfully, it is dark now on the plane and I have 2 seats to myself. I cry, because it hurts so much. I wonder when it will stop hurting, but I also know, the deeper I dig, the deeper the release.

Expressing the core emotion
At what I feel as the height of this emotion, I feel like I just want to shrivel, crumble like a leaf. I express it as well as I can in my seat and feel it is peeling off me, like there is an increasing gap between me and this sense of rejection. I begin to gently speak to the little girl: “How do you feel about leaving this tower?” She is very fearful, but we talk and she hesitantly agrees and we find ourselves at the bottom of the tower ready to get out.

Following the pull even if the unexpected happens
I’m sure we are going to leave this tower and it will be done. The girl conjures an exit in the tower wall and we can see the sunny meadow. But the wall seals itself back. We forgot something! The girl sits down on the floor, pulls up a deck of cards and says “let’s play!”. She starts the “game of war” and I wonder if this is going to be about power. We both draw the jack of hearts over and over. I feel a bit tightening but allow it. I let go of the expectations as well as I can. I feel a bit more expansion now and feelings of heartbreak well up my heart. Somehow I know we forgot about the teenager! Flashback to my teen years when I felt a bit separated from the peers, doing all things teens do with their friends, except feeling not fully immersed n those experiences. The teenager was the custodian of Margaret’s heartbreaks, hence the jack of hearts. To make a long story short, the teenager releases the heartbreaks into the sky we come out of the tower and dismantle it.

Final realizations
The tower was fed by the need for protection from the unsafe world. The lack of safety was stemming from the expectation of rejection because of not being good enough. I thought the world was rejecting me, but it was the other way around! The soul doesn’t need any form of acceptance or validation from the external world. It is complete. This was a very strong program running in me and I thought of some pertinent and highly emotional situations from few years ago and my reaction to them changed. I still feel some pull of the neuropathways though, but I guess as long as I don't get worked up too much and just remain soft, they will not be able to pull me in.

These are very personal sharings, but somehow it feels very right to post it. A year ago I'd be terrified to do so, but now is so different.

Margaret

Hi Margaret

I've been really enjoying and feeling your powerful sharings. It feels really great, and an example/guidance to people. I think people will be benefiting from the mirror, the softening into experiences, and the descriptions of your process.

I could really feel your exploration withe the inner identities and then your realisations
"The tower was fed by the need for protection from the unsafe world. The lack of safety was stemming from the expectation of rejection because of not being good enough. I thought the world was rejecting me, but it was the other way around! The soul doesn’t need any form of acceptance or validation from the external world. It is complete."

wow! keep going, I'm thrilled for you on your dragon ride!
with love

Ben

Dear Margaret,

I have been following your journey and feel so much gratitude for the way in which you are sharing... Open, from the depth of feeling and beautifully articulated for all to perceive. Thank you for expressing this way, my heart swells to embrace you <3

With love,
Jen

I am sitting in the sun and my whole being is just vibrating with the intensity of your sharing’s. Oh my gosh. Thank you for having the strength to reach in, to stir, to still and then to pull out………… a new you? I am so reminded of the concept of the ‘Witness Consciousness’, where one observes oneself without judging. The really interesting part of your sharing though is where you are beginning to observe the old Margaret from the position of the new Lao and are able to do that without judging the old.

Open posted about the feeling of living in two different worlds and I so resonated with that general feeling. Reading your experiences however seemed to crystalize for me the difference between the two worlds. You are (or rather appear to be) experiencing the evolution of a new self, a new identity. It is the old Margaret that identifies with the current world as we know it.

The blow by blow account of your feelings, your synchronicities and your reactions is totally awesome. I suspect that all the Openhanders reading your accounts can relate to much of what you are struggling with because we are all on the same path, albeit in a slightly different location!

I am amazed at how your are able to articulate everything so clearly. The concept of using the Openhand Forum as a blog is so so useful to everyone reading it. Keep going Margaret and keep on writing.

Margaret has asked me to post some of my own Kundalini experiences to add to the general mix, so here goes.

About ten years ago, I took a weeks Tantric workshop with Geho and Sarita. I discovered then how we, as energetic beings, inter-relate to each other at the cellular level but also how our souls interact. I discovered for the first time the concept of re-incarnation and began to work with the journey of the soul. As the week developed, we moved more deeply into the movement of energy between ourselves and indeed our surroundings. We were taught to listen to the wisdom of plants. We were taught that life itself is but a transmission of energy.

Much of the work and teachings concentrated on the movement of Kundalini Energy in both a sexual and human form but we also spent an enormous amount of time working on our ‘Stuff’. One of the most profound lessons I came away with was the realisation that I, yes little me, had responsibility for my own stuff. I had generated it, I had worked to embed it and it was my job to work to release it.

It became a familiar ritual that almost as soon as I sank into a meditate state, I would start to vibrate and shake. During one particular massage session, the masseur said that I was writhing on the floor like a serpent. It became apparent that I had much work to do on myself to clear the energetic pathways that were blocked around my Solar Plexus. I had never even heard the term Chakra before this week!

My journey from then on was one of trying to find ways to identify and the clear these blockages. One of the guiding concepts used during this week was to utilise the Brandon Bays Journey where you can allow your sub-conscious to journey deem inside your Cellular Memory to a point in your soul’s journey that is relevant to a particular problem you are dealing with.

I have used this on several occasions to identify traumatic memories in my past that have resulted in a cellular change that is hurting me in my present life. Using a mix of forgiveness and honouring, I have found that the cellular change can be altered to my present benefit.

I only discovered the Openhand work a year ago and really resonated with Open’s approach. For the first time, all the bits and bobs I have touched on in different ways seemed to be brought together into one package. Open has shown me methods of delving into myself to identify how I have caused my hang-ups. He has shown me that I have to take responsibility of myself.

Take last weekend for example – I have always struggled with a reaction to loud metallic noises and even the sound of children yelling. So I relaxed and took a journey into my subconscious looking for a cellular memory that might hold a key to this situation. I immediately found my self in an ancient (unknown timescale) battle that involved swords. The high frequency metallic clashing of the blades coupled with total traumatic fear of injury was like an explosion within my senses. I sustained a severe injury just before the memory film cut. I wonder if my injury had been fatal?

I remembered an image or memory I had had during one of the Openhand workshops last year. I found myself all at sea in a furious storm in a large open vessel with a lot of very hairy smelly nasty men (one was of course me!) and just as we hit the beach to race up with swords drawn, Open rang his cymbals and the image cut……

So I found myself on Sunday up a muddy track walking in the sun and asked the Universe to show me why I was reacting to these sounds like that. My gaze wandered off to my favourite tree and almost immediately I nearly slipped over – lesson, keep your eyes on the track.

At the tree, I honoured it and leaning against it’s trunk immediately had a Celestial Email –(my way of describing how I receive tree speak) - “The path of your soul has been slippery and stony with many falls along the way. You have the chance now however, to take a new firm path but you must stay on that path”. Soon after I saw a sign on a fence that said ‘Danger of Death’.

A little later I heard the sounds of children screaming in a playground (a sound that particularly annoys me). I immediately had memories flooding back of the screaming of the battle and the intense fear.

Now I must soften into this new memory and not allow it to define me any more. My new path, well everything Open has to show me……

Part of the break up of the old world for me, is currently being crystalized in the break up of the marriage of two dear friends. I am constantly asking the Universe how I can guide them both and am being show that I just need to be there for them. I am also however, showing them the lesson of Honoring everything they say and do to / for each other. This was one of the most profound ‘great learning’s’ from my year with the Openhand work. I have just started…

So yes, I can say I have had the stirrings of a Kundalini Rising but my objective is not that experience, it is to clear what ever blockages are deep within and allow what ever, to happen in it’s own time.

Thank you Margaret and indeed Open for showing me more of these paths.

Colin

The world between the worlds
At this moment I find myself between the 2 worlds: the drama infused reality and the “movie”, where everything screams the higher truth. My internal realm found its physical manifestation, but with a twist... My journey brought me to the densest place I’ve ever been on this planet. I’m right on the equator, where the north meets the south and the west has been imprinted on the eastern soil. On my first day here I was told: “the most important happens at the interface”, which is exactly where I am at!

Meet the raptor
The city is a concrete/glass/metal jungle. Yes, there are green accents all around, but usually behind fences or in concrete planters. It’s been tricky to find a grounding spot as there is hardly any real ground here! Artificial sand on the beach, birds in cages, people in designer clothes staring at their phones. Acceptable behaviour is predetermined and visciously enforced, so everyone behaves. I perceive the surroundings to be heavily influenced by the raptor consciousness. To me it feels heavy, unyielding, ever-hungry and so restless!

The Flower Dome and the Divine Feminine
A stranger approached me yesterday and said: “You really have to visit the flower dome at the city gardens”. He insisted for about 10 minutes. I felt my higher self-activating and my senses getting sharper during the conversation. I followed the guidance and went to the gardens today. Imagine a futuristic glass dome right next to the downtown skyscrapers filled up with flowering plants from all around the world. The Flower Dome was “guarded” by a pair of reptilian sculptures, the ground around it patterned by scales-like bricks. Inside, spectacular flower beds were neatly arranged throughout several terraces. Every 10 meters an information board would remind the tourists to stay on the concrete pathway and not to touch the plant arrangements. Nature, controlled and entrapped under the glass dome. I looked through the glass at the impressive city skyline: the 60-floors skyscrapers penetrating the sky and entrenched in the earth. My “movie state” kicked in and I felt the Divine Feminine entrapped by a strong power-over force. Would it be the Distorted Masculine? The raptor? Perhaps I don't need to name it as long as I feel it.

Feeling into the suppression
I felt into this suppression and entrapment. Something activated within my body revealing a metallic-like presence around my right brain hemisphere. Energetic implants? Oh my GOD! I've just realized a brain hemisphere IS a dome too. I sat softening to it and it became more pronounced, except, it also seemed cleverly hooked in. I asked “show me” and the answer was: “embrace”. I wasn’t sure what exactly to embrace. I sat clueless for some time and a cloud of tenderness descended upon me and I felt like embracing all the players of this reality that I was perceiving: the feminine, the masculine, the people, opposing consciousness, myself. It felt so right and it also felt divinely feminine. In that moment I became at peace with all that was happening, feeling that it served its purpose as well as my embracing it served another purpose. I’m not sure what, but I have a strong sense of it. So I guess I’m invited to take a closer look at the raptor constricting the Divine Feminine within myself and perhaps even to make peace with it and understand how it served its purpose.

As they say “Resistance is futile”. And at this moment I couldn’t agree more.

With love.

Margaret

Dear Colin,
You have taught me so much: how to talk to stones and trees, how to listen to them and most importantly to honor other beings as well as my own feelings. It is such a beautiful lesson and you reminded me of it again.
After several postings on the Transfiguration experiences I received personal messages from people who are currently going through a similar process. It is such a delicate process and opening up to the world on this forum may be hard. Thank you for sharing your journey and I can't wait to climb the Tor with you in May! :-D

With love.

Margaret

Dear Ben and Jen,
Thank you for your feedback. It is not really in my nature (I mean, Margaret's nature) to share my feelings openly in public... However, for some reason I feel like going at it like a tank here. It is such a strong pull against the feelings like this is a selfish, self-absorbed and even rude type of behavior. I'm also sensing some fear of being perceived as a "lunatic" by people I know that may be reading it. Your posts helped me deal with these feelings, for which I'm grateful :-)

Hugs,

Margaret

Hi Margaret,

I love your sharing I and am grateful that any resistance is not holding you back. =) your sharing was reminiscent of something I recently experienced... This feeling of being encased in a metallic shell and for me there was then a bursting through it. Shortly after that I was sat to meditate and felt things arising in the left brain and then the right and back and forth and then a thread appeared and wove back and forth to between the two connecting them. Just reminded me of that experience. With love, Jen

Dear Margaret,

like you, I haven't ever before shared very private things publicly. Of course there is a fear of what others might think. But for one thing they'll think what they want to anyway (intelligent people will have clever thoughts and silly people silly ones ...) and on the other hand if they don't say anything, we won't know, so why bother? I think most people reading your sharings will be very interested and impressed. My experience is also that when one is authentic, it opens people's hearts. And for me, it's very very helpful to read your sharings.

I also wondered why you thought it could be selfish, self-absorbed and even rude to share your experiences? Could it have something to do with your having learned that expressing your true feelings and your thoughts was something not done? That one should be polite and only talk about the weather? Well, I'm really glad you are sharing freely and generously. Thank you!

Love,
Helen

Hi Margaret, and everyone reading,

There's often a feeling amongst those having deeply profound 'peak' experiences that somehow they should be hidden, because it's strange, or peculiar in relation to the 'norm'.

But what is the 'norm'?

When you look at it deeply, when you step off the daily treadmill that practically 7 Billion people are lost within, then you really start to witness the truth: that humanity, en mass, is heading toward the precipice of oblivion, due to the behaviours that are accepted on a daily basis as 'the norm'. The mainstream actually knows what's going on, in terms of its rampant disregard for the environment, for other sentient life and even toward their own health. Yet not only are they steaming toward this precipice, they're actually accelerating toward it.

So for someone to measure their contrary experience in reference to the mainstream and find it somewhat odd, simply reveals how back to front this crazy world really is. If someone from the mainstream were to consider my behaviours as strange for example, I'd actually find that quite comforting!

So work to let this expansion normalise in your consciousness. You can now see multidimensionally as a part of your life. Accept it. Accept yourself as you now are. Let go of the idea that somehow it's 'strange' or 'weird'. 7 Billion people accelerating knowingly toward the precipice is weird. Being in tune with life and the natural flow, most definitely is not.

So accept it. You're becoming a person of the universe. There's nothing whatsoever strange about that.

Stand in your truth. Stand humbly yes. There's no need to shout out. There's no need to speak about it with those who obviously won't get it, or won't understand. But stand in your truth nevertheless.

Let the experience now 'normalise' in your consciousness.

Open <3

Hi Open and Friends,
Yes, the ‘norm' is all wrong! Yesterday’s fear is just an echo, a vague memory now. How incredibly fast is this voyage! My exposed heart gives rise to more vulnerability as I allow my world to be taken apart. How will my life reassemble itself, I wonder? I just trust in the language of my experience and rest in the knowing that it is revealing the way Home, one step at a time. Doubt has taken the passenger’s seat, even though insufficient grounding took me for a little spin today. It's all good though. I've learned how to recognize its symptoms.

The world around me is falling asleep soothed by the warm ocean breeze. And I’m closer to Home than I’ve ever been. Good night.

Margaret

Margaret, thank you for this thread. I particularly resonated with your last posting. Very much a mirror for me and a gift too. The notion of tenderness amidst the intense raptor environment: that was a revelation.

My sense is that we have been programmed to make judgements about ourselves with words like: "selfish, self-absorbed, lunatic" to keep us inline, following the rules, and deeply mired in the soup.....like the billions of other humans. It's a vastly successful control mechanism to prevent us from standing in authenticity. Postings on Openhand are portals of light.

Colin, I really identified with your sensitivity to sounds, particularly children. I have not explored as you have the source of the agitation, and your posting has inspired me to do so. Thank you.

love, tigger

Breaking through the programming
Thank you for sharing, Tigger. I was also thinking about the undercurrents of programs running within people's systems lately. You, Helen and Jen picked up on my self-projections of behaving in a selfsh, self-absorbed or even rude fashion. I believed I was taking way too much space on the forum and felt like it is even ridiculous to think that anyone would want to read about my experiences. I believed it was selfish to draw that much attention to myself as if I were someone special. The pull to share was very strong though, but every time I wrote a long post I felt really pained by the guilt. It also triggered some other emotions. Self-loathing, embarrassment, failure projections have made themselves visible and are inviting me now to hold them in awareness. Each program carries a possibility of breaking through, so how can I turn them away? Perhaps we could even share the last tender embrace? Could it be as simple as that? Why not?

Hard time with increased sensitivity
I’d like to share today's experiences with the increased sensitivity. My state is still fragile and I remain mindful when I fall into the drama-filled thinking processes. This morning, I found myself filled with an increased sensitivity and internal assurance that I was prepared for more radical intimacy with the world. As it turned out I wasn’t quite prepared for this: the meat-serving food court at the airport. I was walking with my little luggage and my sight fell on a woman putting a piece of meat in her mouth. I looked away, but then saw another person doing just that, and another and another. At that moment this was a true picture of macabre, a horror beyond even a nightmare. Canibalism incarnate. I felt the suffering and faint squealing coming from the pieces of flesh on people’s plates (I experienced this awareness once before, right after the Openhand gathering in Victoria). I felt light headed and nauseated and I noticed I was hyperventilating.

Why can’t they see this?! What is wrong with this world? I can’t deal with this, it’s too much! I walked away and felt so small and helpless in the face of a major treachery that most are not even seeing! My GOD, how am I going to live with this new sensitivity now?! The tears run down my cheeks and as they rolled, the airport filled with what I believe to be the most beautiful song ever written and sang by Audrey Hepburn:

“Moon River, wider than a mile. I’m crossing you in style one day. Wherever you’re going, I’m going your way.”

Just like that, out of the blue, in the middle of Asia, THIS song of all! There was no music playing before… or right after. This choked me up and I had to stop. “Moon River" has a special meaning for me. It filled me with so much love. I wasn’t sure if the love was coming from somewhere or inside of me, but it was so powerful, that I don’t think I’ve ever felt that much love before. It physically held me up! I felt it on my skin and it was warm and soft, like a sponge filled with warm water around me. I was still choked up, but now it was more put in perspective and maybe even embraced by this omnipresent love. I was lucky to get 3 seats to myself on a full 7h flight and could well up if I needed to and let some steam out.

I've been practicing body awareness meditations lately and they had a great effect today at keeping me in my body and calming the nervous system. I can still reconnect with the flood of love from few hours ago and it's REALLY calming. I think as soon as this plane lands and I bring myself to the next hotel, I’ll just let it loose and scream in the pillow. I feel the horror still inside of me. It just needs to be expressed. After that’s out of the way, I’m going to contact my lifeline Openhand friend. I think I can do this.

This forum
This forum is not my blog. It has been created for all that feel like reading and sharing about the new awareness experiences, so we can create feedback loops and help each other integrate the new paradigm. For me, there is no need to hide anymore, because there is nothing to be ashamed of.

With love.

Margaret

Margaret, I zeroed in on this: " I believed it was selfish to draw that much attention to myself as if I were someone special." And you are SPECIAL. Each one of us is. When I first started posting on Openhand almost a year ago I too was afraid of drawing too much attention to myself. I thought I was being ego-centric.

Moon River makes me cry...I can't get the image of Holly Golightly throwing Cat out of the taxi in the pouring rain out of my heart. When I am emotionally stuck, that is one of the songs I go to.

Last night there were parties and barbecues all around the neighborhood here in the tropics. The smell of burning flesh made me sick to my stomach. I felt the same feelings you did: how can they not see what they are doing, and eating? But then I thought of your message of embracing, and so I tried to embrace the neighborhood with compassion. And these words kept coming to me: "they know not what they do."

love, tigger

Margaret. I am picking up the issue of you trying to ground yourself in the concrete jungle of a modern day Asian city. I remember having the same issue at sea, no not surrounded by concrete but by water. The simple answer was to open the water tap of a washbasin and put your hands under the running water. The water system goes back to ground, in a hotel or the sea in a ship. I realised that with visualisation, the same affect could be, for me, achieved. I hope that helps. Travel well. Colin

Hi Margaret!
yes I can concur the Transfiguration is some ride. I started moving into this gateway a little less than six years ago, although I didn't know of the term back then. I had a dream that my next ambient music album was going to be called 'The Child Set Free'. I didn't understand why that title but for the next couple of years it would become very clear. My inner child pain was going to be addressed big time. I attracted a woman into my life who pushed all the painful buttons and at one time it became so painful it felt like I hit rock bottom. I felt a sense of separation I had never experienced before. The scientist in me even thought it was quite fascinating to observe. I realised everybody was in that same predicament but nobody seemed to fully be aware of it. I realised my whole personality had been built around this state. I discovered that the hardest thing for me was not the pain I felt in relating to this woman but the discovery that relating to her with my old personality didn't work: every time I tried it got smashed. With the second woman I met it was basically the same story but now the core pain of separation and rejection was activated time and time again for almost two years. It was like my higher self was saying: I will probe your wound 'till you are totally okay with it. Then a new phase within the Transfiguration started to dawn. I discovered I needed to sever ties with anyone who still could trigger my personality. I had to be on my own and broke contact with most of my friends and later also my family. I had to get adjusted to this new aloneness but after a while it felt really good. I started to have these spontaneous kundalini surges more and more and was 'falling' into these states of pure awareness more and more. But ,as seems to be typical for this gateway, my personality seemed to fight back for its right to exist and so I was thrown back into duality again soon after. Right now I'm living in these two worlds: one of pure consciousness and the the other consisting of duality. I notice that the more I surrender to consciousness and my higher self (letting it 'take-over' me) the more I have to be vigilant not being pulled back by the magnetic pull of duality. In other words: my blind spots are automatically tested with each new leap. As I've become so sensitive one of the biggest pitfalls for me is to not get drawn into other people's energy allowing them to trigger energies still attached to me that could let me (temporarily) fall from 'grace'. Maybe you''ll find that too Margaret, that midway point between still needing some people to trigger you and the need to be absolutely alone so no one still can.
Thanks for sharing your journey! I recognise a lot but also see how different it is for you because you are a different soul. I know how intens and sometimes surreal the whole experience can be and how hard to it is sometimes to align yourself once again with your higher self after being seemingly lost in duality. Lots of clarity and love!!

Hi Apollonius - greetings, so nice to see you gracing these shores with your presence again :-)

You said...

    "As I've become so sensitive one of the biggest pitfalls for me is to not get drawn into other people's energy allowing them to trigger energies still attached to me that could let me (temporarily) fall from 'grace'. Maybe you''ll find that too Margaret, that midway point between still needing some people to trigger you and the need to be absolutely alone so no one still can."

It's something we talked about in 5GATEWAYS - the need to have space so the new consciousness can settle and integrate, but also having buttons pushed so you can still unravel the old density. It's a careful balance indeed.

If one still identifies with the old being in some way, surely the old consciousness of those one has identified with, will pull one back.

Something definitely to watch out for.

Open *OK*

In reply to by Open

Glad to be back on the shores of the Openhand retreat! An island in the midst of mass consciousness... 8P

Yes for me right now it's a careful balance and yes old consciousness can pull me back because I'm still identified with my old self most of the time. It feels sometimes like trial and error but I know if I attune or ask why I meet someone, benevolence/the Universe will give me the answer what it is that I can learn from it and what part of the interaction is old and not for me anymore. A delicate balance between being open and setting clear boundaries.

Margaret i have followed your Sharing's and i cannot relate as much as others can but i have really enjoyed them, there is obviously a strong feeling of Vulnerability with these sharing's that you must feel, I am very grateful for your sharing it helps me with understanding what possibly may come and also gives me the strength to push forward :)

So many powerful Sharing's and so much beautiful, insightful information from so many beautiful Souls, I read all this and it somehow brings an overwhelming feeling of tears, not sure if they are of happiness, sadness or relief.

Steve

Grounding on the plane
Dear Colin, thank you for the grounding water visualization. I also found helpful what you suggested in your message to me (I hope you do not mind me sharing here). You said we could ground on the plane by thinking about grounding using plane's aluminum seat frame. It's brilliant! Metal does come from the ground. Of course! I didn't realize imagery can do the trick. And thank you for bringing up that water has a memory. I'm staying watered! ;-)

Vulnerability
Dear Jetster, I’m honoured you are on this ride with me. You picked up on the most important aspect of my sharings, the vulnerability. You know, I was raised to be strong and brave and never even appear to be vulnerable. In the last few days a strange thing happened. I let go of more control than ever before and discovered a brand new level of vulnerability. But here is a twist: there is a point in deepening of my vulnerability beyond which it becomes a strength, not a weakness. Like everything turns 180 degrees. When I find myself beyond that point, there is nothing that can hurt me, the “hurt” doesn’t even exist. In those moments I’m having the best dialogs with the world via synchronicities and the world feels more like an extension of me. I’m curious what may happen if you try it. :-D
Relating
Dear Apollonius, wow. Where do I even begin? It’s really good to meet you, my fellow traveller. I relate with lots of what you shared. What stood out was:

Maybe you''ll find that too Margaret, that midway point between still needing some people to trigger you and the need to be absolutely alone so no one still can.

I have realized few days ago that this balance is trying to establish itself within my being. When Open said “let it integrate and normalize” it became clearer that the changes need to establish themselves. I initially thought I should move on as soon as I had a realization, but then part of it would be lost. On the other hand I feel a strong pull to move away and be in solitude for a while.

At this moment I still have drama coming up and I gradually let it, but with awareness. I’m experimenting with allowing it and watching it closely to see what wants to play out. Some distortions had dissolved this way. It seemed, they just wanted to be held in my presence for a while. It felt like holding a child and giving it all attention in the moment. Then, the attention transformed into tenderness and understanding and then neither of us needed the other anymore. There are some major distortions that I allow in, just to see how far we can go before I get carried away and get lost in the drama. Sometimes I literally need to leave the room. It will take time, but it is different each time, so I guess I can call it progress.

Today I was letting go of trying to make sense of what is happening. My inner analyst called it “the new logic” and quit. It can feel unsettling to have a rug pulled from under the feet, because the usual reference points just disappear. Finding out that others are/were going through similar shifts has a stabilizing effect on me as I’m able to let go of even more fear. So, thank you for being a part of my journey, Apollonius.

With lots of love.

Margaret

I am joining in to thank you Margaret for sharing your journey. It's incredibly valuable to those who are approaching the Transfiguration Gateway. Much of what you and others have shared resonates with me, and I feel a deep sense of community and connection in knowing that we are not alone on this venture. It's only with fellow Openhanders that I am able to fully share the depths of my experiences. I gain support from these evolutionary partners through feedback loops and powerful questions that guide me deeper to uncover the truth beneath a distortion.

Shared in the thread is - "I wonder when it will stop hurting, but I also know, the deeper I dig, the deeper the release." I have pondered recently if one can get caught in a karmic loop to the very act of confronting karma. It truly is a mastery of self-responsibility and keen discernment, and as Open points out "the need to have space so the new consciousness can settle and integrate, but also having buttons pushed so you can still unravel the old density. It's a careful balance indeed."

Apollonius you share - "I discovered that the hardest thing for me was not the pain I felt in relating to this woman but the discovery that relating to her with my old personality didn't work." I have had two relationships in the past six years that mirror your experience so closely. What didn't get cleared in the relationship five years ago was addressed in a recent relationship. It's uncanny how similar both relationships were, and the triggers in me were identical. I needed round two to take me into the depths of my distortions.

Colin and Rich, thank you for sharing your wisdom with respect to grounding.

Journey on fellow soul travellers.

With love,
Sandra

I've been following this conversation and I've noticed some of the similarities between Margarets experiences and what I'm going through at the moment. Margaret asked me earlier to share here as well but I felt I needed to turn more inside at first, rather than start sharing. This morning I felt the pull to "come out" and share.

To me I find myself battling between conditioned mind and the authentic expression of me. Those two seems to be happening in me simultaneously, both relating to the world and surroundings and it makes me feel little bit crazy time to time. At the same time I'm depressed and amazed to the core of the sparkling beauty of everything. First when this started to happen full on few weeks back, I thought I just need to get a full time job, rather two of them before I'm taking this spirituality all too far. Well that rang the bells for me that something's going on here that really needs my attention.
I've been doing my best to work on what ever rises next. Of course tons of stuff has come up and tons is waiting for it's turn to be dealt with. Last night I started to feel scared to my core. It feels like I've come to the place where I need to face all that I am and all that I'm not. It scares beyond the words to let go of the conditioned me, for how can I relate to myself anymore or how can I relate to the world and other people because I'm letting go of that too at the same time. I'm talking about leaving the comfort zone, big time. It feels like if you'd love to travel and see other countries and ways of living but by doing so meant that you'd have to leave your home country for good and you'd never be able to enter that country again. You love your home country, all is well there but the pull is just too strong for you ever to be truly happy if you don't leave... If I go there's a lot of work to be done in the beginning, to learn the new language, new culture, the whole new way of being. What ever'd happen, I'd just had to deal with it because there is no turning back. It takes strength and this soul feels a bit tired you know.
If I stayed it would be the same old, same old. So old that it weights a lot, it's getting real heavy to carry on. To settle for it would take huge sacrifices and I know now I'm not willing to sacrifice that much.
I need to keep on working through the fears and surrender to the new land that, I must trust, is arising from the dwelling sea of the hurts, pains and fears of the conditioned mind. There is no other way.
Funny enough, in physical world, I've been having a one foot in my home country and another on abroad for a year now. :)

I can see (when I'm not identified with it via distortion) clearly how my conditioned/programmed mind works, as well as others and the whole society and how clever the whole creation is to keep me away from real me and how it plays the whole humanity. No wonder there's been so much emotional pain when expecting enlightened reaction from a conditioned mind. It gives me great relief to be able to observe this and at the same time it makes me feel lonely and sad. A little unsettled and scared too because I don't quite understand yet where do I stand exactly and what does it mean, if I'm able to observe all this.

I feel veils has been very thin lately and a lot of things are happening that are difficult if not impossible to explain to others. My life has been quite cosmic since the early age so I think I already have a little bit of reputation of being weird. What I'm trying to learn here is to be more selective what I share and with whom. Some things are so real before they reveal their cosmic nature that they invite me to unwind my fixed ideas and conditioned thinking of everything that exists. Better, I assume existing.

Physically I haven't felt much, what I have felt few times during these weeks is the ground staring to shake like somebody was jumping behind me so hard the ground shakes. Then it starts to feel like I could imagine an earthquake might feel. Mild one. Then I start to feel a huge heart beating, it doesn't feel it's my physical heart and it does't feel in my chest. I haven't been able to locate where's the center of the beat, could be the earth, my legs or solar plexus, but it nearly fills and takes over the room, certainly all of my energy bodies. Then I freak out when I feel I'm starting to dissolve to that beat and it stops at that second.

I don't have a clue if this process will take months or years, to me it's on pretty much all the time but seems to intensify in waves. Well, at least I've learned to read the signs when the next wave is hitting. That's when I start to feel like I have to get "a normal" job. Not just one but two. Urgently. :D

Love, Emilia

Dear Amelia and fellow Openhanders,

It's lovely to meet you here. We call this a forum, a virtual room where community meets to discuss and exchange experiences, but it really is so much more than this.

I and others can relate to the fear you speak of, where you feel like you are standing on a cliff edge, having arrived at a place where you must face the unknown of who you truly are without reference to your conditioned self. There is only forward. How exhilarating it feels to know you can let go and trust. There's no going back.

This journey through the gateways is unique for each and every one of us. I did not have community who could support me in what was "really happening" when I experienced what I believe was a partial kundalini activation in 2008. The onset opened my upper chakras, and the energy continued to surged through my body for weeks. I recall driving my vehicle one day and having to pull over as my body was convulsing with energy surges. At times the surges were quite intense, to the point where the muscles in my abdomen and back would contract and seize. What I found helped was laughing out loud as it aided the energy to move through and release from my body.

The most difficult aspect of this activation was the opening of my intuitive body. Prior to this I was gently and rather timidly navigating the awakening gateway. When the activation occurred I was propelled forward into a reality where I was spontaneously speaking light language, deeply pulled to toning, having recurring visions of my past lives with intense emotions related to these visions, and heightened empathic experiences. The most challenging was opening the channel to connecting with beings in other realities. My body opening was like a cosmic neon sign. I connected with benevolent consciousness, but I also drew to me entities and attachments. My physical energy quickly became depleted, my emotional state fragile, and my mind told me I was going crazy. My former husband was terrified by what he saw taking place, as was I. This time in my life was very challenging, and it was unique to me. I want to emphasize that support showed up for me. The universe and benevolence brought to me people and conditions to guide me through this difficult phase of what I now believe was my entry into Realignment.

These past months the energy frequency in my body has increased, and at times the vibration is quite intense. Also, the intelligence of my body has become very discerning on what it requires to fuel it. Like others I feel the rise and fall of emotions, and at times the awareness of my new reality is so intensely blissful in the feeling of connection to unity consciousness that I stand with my arms apart, let the tears stream from my eyes, and repeat the words "yes, yes, yes". New for me is a kind of slowing down in time that's happening through perception. For example; I will be looking at something and forming a perspective based on my senses and the data within my mind, something I do constantly throughout my day much like breathing. At times I will shift my gaze and rather than immediately start to form a new perceptive it's like part of my brain is moving in slow motion and there is this space or delay taking place before my mind forms a perspective. At times it feels disorienting, and the frequency of this experience is escalating.

Open talks about being handed a hot coal. I feel like I have, and still am being handed kryptonite with respect to my karma. The patterns are evident and similarities in current conditions to events in past lives uncanny. Some of the situations my soul has guided me to this past year I could never image myself being in. I understand how people become unconsciously stuck in a karmic loop, and I am grateful for my ability to understand this process (thank you Openhand) and move through it as the discerning observer. Without going into detail I will share that I recently journeyed through the Underworld in order to confront and dissolve lifetimes of karma related to abuse of power, relinquishing my power, subjugation and sexuality. It was here that I reclaimed parts of my soul. Had I not embarked on this journey from a place of higher consciousness, I would most likely be caught in the Underworld, as it is very seductive and tempting. Difficult for me was not to judge where my soul was taking me in order to ultimately bring me closer to home. I recall asking - why would a "good" spiritual girl be guided to this place?!!! Liberation truly does reside in places unknown to us, and to judge the conditions that we are guided to as good or bad could prevent us from moving through an experience we need to have in order to evolve. Could I have journeyed through the karma I confronted and dissolved without experiencing the external conditions? It's a question I don't know the answer to.

I did not come into this conversation thinking I would share this part of my life. It feels incredibly raw and vulnerable to expose this part of my journey in this community. I feel a subtle sense of not belonging here based on where I have recently traveled, and it deeply saddens me and I am shaking as I type. But I believe within the core of my being that I had to experience these conditions in order to further evolve. Perhaps I will write and share about my experience in more detail, but right now it feels very intimate. I could not have travelled this path without the support of a few evolutionary partners including two who are fellow Openhanders. How many people are feeling like outcasts and outsiders because they view the conditions they are being guided to and through are not "spiritually acceptable"? My journey into the Underworld was intense and beyond anything I could image. To anyone reading this who feels reluctant to share in this community because their experiences are not considered the "spiritual norm", I invite you to step into your vulnerability and give voice and acknowledgment to your journey. Please don't wait until you feel you are spiritual enough. We are all way finders on the path towards enlightenment.

With love,
Sandra

Thank you Emilia
Thank you for your beautiful sharing. Your vulnerability and the raw heart inspires me and I feel now I can open up even more. I resonate so much with what you are going through at the moment. You said:

At the same time I'm depressed and amazed to the core of the sparkling beauty of everything. Isn't it amazing?

It IS amazing!! Feeling two opposing sensations at the same time. I too feel deep sadness and incredible happiness at the same time often.

You also said:
Last night I started to feel scared to my core. It feels like I've come to the place where I need to face all that I am and all that I'm not. It scares beyond the words to let go of the conditioned me, for how can I relate to myself anymore or how can I relate to the world and other people because I'm letting go of that too at the same time. I'm talking about leaving the comfort zone, big time. (...) If it ever'd happen, I'd just had to deal with it because there is no turning back. It takes strength and this soul feels a bit tired you know.

I really feel your emotion here, Emilia. I'm inspired by your strength to admit to the fear and stay with it, even though it can be a scary place. I'm admiring your audacity to push forward ever though it hurts sometimes. But stay with it a bit longer each time. It is so healing. I know you know that, I'm not intending to tell you what to do, but just to encourage you to push a bit more, if you can. Recently, I've been noticing how maintaining the "old Margaret" takes up much more energy and makes me tired. I began letting her go and a grieving process started spontaneously within me.

The Ceremony - Letting go of the old and committing to the new
The grieving for the old me began 2 weeks ago or so (I do not have a good perception of passing time lately...). I went to the river and was literally pierced with deep sadness, grieving and fear of losing someone very special, me. There is no turning back and I don't even control the process of peeling off the old, but I knew I wanted to honour the set of experiences called "Margaret" with a special ceremony. But how? Nothing in particular was coming to me though. I actually forgot about it focusing on the pull during my recent travels, until yesterday...

The day started off with my neckless breaking and one of the pendants detaching and falling on the floor. It was the pearl pendant (Margaret from greek means "pearl"). I froze as I was picking it up... "letting go of Margaret?". That afternoon I was freewheeling in this large Asian city, just hanging out, being aware and enjoying my perceptions. I ended up at a bookstore full of books I couldn't read. A stranger came up to me asking if I needed help and insisted on talking to me. I've learned to pay attention when strangers insist on telling me something. So, we had a pleasant conversation and she really wanted to take me to this very special part of town. It was a "strange" request, but in my movie-state the "stranger" something seems, the more profound the consequences. So, I accepted her generous offer and we travelled together on several trains.

As we exited the train station, there was a beautiful store full of traditional items. "Don't you want to come in?" said my stranger friend and I felt really curious. The store turned out to be a shrine supplies store. My friend explained to me how her family honours the dead family members and showed me different ways they do it. I knew I was supposed to find something for my own ceremony... and there it was, a 28-beads wrist mala, the one they use to pray and honour the dead ones. The next step was to find a mantra to have the mala fulfill its purpose. I found it today. How do I know this is it? Because when I read it my body began to shake and I started to sob. So I have the Mala, the mantra and the "Margaret" incense created with a help of an experienced incensologist friend last month. Now, the question that remains is "when". I asked "show me" and immediately felt the grief within me. I feel the answer is NOW.

Om Asatoma Sat Gamaya
Tamasoma Jyotir Gamaya
Mrityorma Amritam Gamaya

Lead us from illusion to truth
From darkness to light
From death to immortality

Margaret

Dear Sandra, where do I begin? I just want you to know I relate so much with what you are saying and it is rather difficult to pick the parts that stand out because most of your post stands out for me. You said:

"I and others can relate to the fear you speak of, where you feel like you are standing on a cliff edge, having arrived at a place where you must face the unknown of who you truly are without reference to your conditioned self. There is only forward. How exhilarating it feels to know you can let go and trust. There's no going back."

Thank you and Emilia for bringing that up. I find myself at the edge of the edge. I also feel like I am on the other side already in the future looking at myself standing on the edge and thinking “there was nothing to fear after all”. This is a new duality for me as it involves time. Or perhaps it is my higher self looking at my old self at the moment? Is this something you have experienced as well?

You said:
“At times the surges were quite intense, to the point where the muscles in my abdomen and back would contract and seize. What I found helped was laughing out loud as it aided the energy to move through and release from my body."

I was laughing too when this energy first hit me last year. Laughing a hysterical laughter, feeling ridiculousness of this world I bought into, but also laughing out of the blue about nothing specific. Oh, it feels so reassuring to know others had similar experiences and to understand what might have been happening to me!

You said:
"Liberation truly does reside in places unknown to us, and to judge the conditions that we are guided to as good or bad could prevent us from moving through an experience we need to have in order to evolve.
I did not come into this conversation thinking I would share this part of my life. It feels incredibly raw and vulnerable to expose this part of my journey in this community. I feel a subtle sense of not belonging here based on where I have recently traveled, and it deeply saddens me and I am shaking as I type. But I believe within the core of my being that I had to experience these conditions in order to further evolve."

Oh, dear Sandra. What conditions one must pass to earn the belonging privilege? Is there such a thing, or do we create it in our minds? You have confirmed to me that the pull of the soul to experience is stronger than judgment, than the fear of being an outcast. What a fine example you are for all of us here! And you open up your heart regardless of the fear revealing to us your profound strength in vulnerability.

And yes, there is no need to postpone the wild unraveling of the soul any longer. This call is a call for raw intimacy with who we are. Even though it may appear our heartbreak is an obstacle to liberation, it is in fact the launching pad. I am honoured to be launching with you, Sandra.

With love and respect.

Margaret

I've always had a very strong sense of self, of what I call my essence. It fills me with tenderness to look back and feel this essence shining through my experiences, no matter how distorted the perception might have been at times. It was ME all along! These experiences shaped my expresion at this moment. There is nobody to let go.

What wanted to happen was a realization of the commitment to follow the soul with trust and an open heart. My heart is beginning to bloom as the energy surges through my crown down to my toes. At times I feel like I'm hovering over the bed. My presence fills up the room and wants to tenderly hold all life in a loving embrace. I've been experiencing heart palpitations and breathing disturbances during those surges, but I also feel reassuring presence and tangible guidance from loving beings supporting me at this time. I'm also very fortunate to have incredible guidance and mentoring from beautiful beings here in 3D. Thank you for your reminders that I just need to allow what wants to unfold <3 Your support means so much to me.

I didn't conduct any "good bye" ceremony. There is no need for that. But I wear the mala to remind me of the newly pledged commitment I made last night.

I don't sign my communications "Margaret" anymore. It feels finite and defined, my letters want to be signed "M." for now. "M." carries the ungraspable, the infinite. This is who I am.

With love and tremendous gratitude to all.

M.

It's lovely Margaret - "M". *OK*

Your sharing here is like a beacon of hope for me as I am just beginning my journey anew! Much Love and Many Blessings to You, M.

And here we are,
at the beginning of our journeys,
the Treebrother and I.
:-)
It's a beginning for me as well. Nice to meet you.

M.

It is so interesting you reposted this gateway journey today. You know, I was recently thinking about all this… it is happening again, 2 years later, almost to the day.

The new process is reaching into the foundation of who I am. It feels more daring, more conscious, more clear. The lessons that I’ve learned since 2 years ago shifted me out of the corporate world and I became in a partnership within the human world, supporting others on the path of realignment. That is a huge difference. The energy of this new process has rewired me so deeply in the recent days that it’s now changing my agreements in this lifetime. I can feel them re-written and I see the energetic threads that I pulled, working up and down the genetic code shifting tons of energy in my daughter’s and my mother’s lives. As the misaligned energy threads are pulled out of my life, they’re pulled out of theirs too. It is just incredible how fast and to the point the energy works. Just incredible!

 

I’m watching this whole new energy running within my system, in my limbs, everywhere and at the same time I’m fascinated how the Universe is just doing its song and dance. How it is inviting me to be and reflecting how I’m being. Ebbing and flowing. There is no space for control in this interaction, because in a dance you don’t really need control, you just follow the rhythm. This rhythm feels like a breath or a never-ending churning of the oceans. I’m feeling the rhythmic drum of the Universe within the melody of my own new song now. It’s a song of power, song of clarity and freedom.

 

Purity is what resonates with me strongly now. We don’t seem to have that anymore here. It feels like a crystal clear call of a horn. There is a part of me that I’ve lost long time ago, it feels like “the original innocence” or something like a part of the "original blueprint". I feel this loss in others too. Over the years I tried to fill up the void it left with ideas, relationships, achievements, but nothing sticks and it just creates more pain. I don’t want to do this anymore. I want to keep that space open for this beautiful energy, for the innocence, the new awareness to come in, if it’s proper and right. Nothing else will fit in there, just the original piece.

 

Margaret

 

Margaret, I read your posts in this thread yesterday when I came back from a quick visit to Glastonbury (an event that re-triggered in me a very deep layer further up to the surface) and I was grateful for yet another sign and synchronicity the universe laid down on my path in this moment.

You say and it really speaks to me:

 

Purity is what resonates with me strongly now. We don’t seem to have that anymore here. It feels like a crystal clear call of a horn. There is a part of me that I’ve lost long time ago, it feels like “the original innocence” or something like a part of the "original blueprint". I feel this loss in others too. Over the years I tried to fill up the void it left with ideas, relationships, achievements, but nothing sticks and it just creates more pain. I don’t want to do this anymore. I want to keep that space open for this beautiful energy, for the innocence, the new awareness to come in, if it’s proper and right. Nothing else will fit in there, just the original piece. 

That's exactly how I feel right now - VERY strongly!, the grief of that loss AND the unbearable grief of the loss of millions of sentient lives - the loss/the taking away of their innocence! There are a few layers here for me which are unraveling...the movie Pan's Labyrinth, which was mentioned on another thread, totally reflected what I feel and what you described here! To me, its another helpful sign in my inquiry.

Yes, likewise over the years I tried to fill up the void too just as you described - and more. And in the recent years (just like when I was a child), I often felt the pureness of awareness running through my veins. However (and fortunately!), I feel right now that something big is coming up...which I have been often consciously pushing away, thus creating more pain. 

Since - what is termed as - Kundalini activation happened in me, back in June 2017 on an Openhand retreat, with lots of physical and mental manifestations, as well as increased sensitivity and core shakiness, I have been researching this phenomenon within 'spiritual' and academic circles. This research - although often conflicting - helps me enormously in my integration and understanding of the experience. The physicality of the experience is present and particularly intense when I touch Silence in my meditations and in every day life.

I have gone through a few 'dark nights of the soul' in life (I thank Anastasia's supportive input here from another thread) and right now I feel im going through another one - In God's/Universe's Grace. This time I have some loving and beautiful support that I did not have previously - I am grateful. And I also feel I have the reflections offered from people in this community - graceful.

Thank you for this:

I want to keep that space open for this beautiful energy, for the innocence, the new awareness to come in, if it’s proper and right. Nothing else will fit in there, just the original piece. 

I hear this with eyes that can see.

x

Dear Aspasia,

Thank you for sharing straight from the heart. It’s been received.

You said:

the grief of that loss AND the unbearable grief of the loss of millions of sentient lives - the loss/the taking away of their innocence! There are a few layers here for me which are unraveling...

 

What if it is the other way around, what if it’s them who are helping you find your innocence? Perhaps that great compassion and sensitivity that you have, all that energy that’s coming into your system were part of the stimulation for the purity to come back in. What if this innocence is your authentic self, and that is why you seek it? It seems to be calling you strongly. I wonder if this call may take you beyond the burden of grief.

 

Their song is that of innocence. They are not defined by what happens to them. The innocence is there despite of the atrocities. Their suffering provides a contrasting background to their song, it is clearer this way. But perhaps it’s the song that we might choose to perpetuate… by bringing the empowerment to that original innocence. I’m with you.

 

For me the purity is a memory from an ancient life. In my perception it presents itself as a tone. There was a time where that essence, that vibration was a major part of who I was, part of the society and how we lived. I hear that pure tone when my energy goes to Egypt (when I think of that part of the world). Throughout my life I’ve been seeking it without being aware of what I was actually doing. I travelled to Greece, Asian temples, Santorini, Egypt, Mexico, Peru, Glastonbury, North America (that's where I live now), but that energy wasn’t there anymore in the form I remembered. I could see glimpses of it in people’s eyes, animals, crystals, sweet wind in Hawaii, the ocean and the horizon, smell of an insent. I feel the new awareness just wants me to hold the space and allow what wants to come back, without the chase or the neediness. I do feel it in the air, sensing, just like you that something really big is coming :-) for many of us. Yes, this community is very special and supportive in many ways ;-)

 

Margaret

 

Thank you for your valuable and supportive reflections Margaret - I can feel genuine care in them.  I would like to share some reflections and inquiries in response. It feels inviting.

This is very true:

Perhaps that great compassion and sensitivity that you have, all that energy that’s coming into your system were part of the stimulation for the purity to come back in.

I feel it as the Purity, innocence - awakeness - awakening and re-emerging from within because the conditions have manifested - and keep on! - for that to be happening (ongoing). I don't know if they (sentient life) are 'helping me' to return to innocence - I can feel a resistance to this, at least the way I interpret it - but what I know is that I am so connected to them that I can feel their grief, as well as embody their (our shared!) innocence. 

Yes, you are right, there has been a strong call and seeking. But I wish to stop seeking totally. In fact, everything around me and inside me is pointing to that. There are times when I just give up and then I feel its just there -  to be seen. Its allowing the space, as you shared.

You say:

 

Their song is that of innocence. They are not defined by what happens to them. The innocence is there despite of the atrocities. Their suffering provides a contrasting background to their song, it is clearer this way. But perhaps it’s the song that we might choose to perpetuate… by bringing the empowerment to that original innocence. I’m with you.

 

 

This offers a sense of Trust to meet the grief. This speaks to me. And at the same time, it opens up an inquiry about coming from this sense in daily life. When I witness first hand the atrocities we speak of right before my eyes...

I love the way you feel Purity. I can feel resonance. To me if feels like the original memory (to use your word) of Home. The aroma of Home, which I can smell often. I smell it when my nose touches my cats head. And I see it when I look at the hands of my beloved or the dozens of arms of a chestnut tree.

And thank you for this - its really felt and its very encouraging:

I could see glimpses of it in people’s eyes, animals, crystals, sweet wind in Hawaii, the ocean and the horizon, smell of an insent. I feel the new awareness just wants me to hold the space and allow what wants to come back, without the chase or the neediness.

With much appreciation,

x

Dear Aspasia,

Yes, yes, yes, that's exactly it! - the aroma of home. You said:

I love the way you feel Purity. I can feel resonance. To me if feels like the original memory (to use your word) of Home. The aroma of Home, which I can smell often. I smell it when my nose touches my cats head. And I see it when I look at the hands of my beloved or the dozens of arms of a chestnut tree.

That memory is in bits and pieces of the surrounding reality, in sounds, sensations, words, images... my soul wants to open up to it more and wait for the right energy to come in. I was at a crystal bowl event a week ago and as soon as the person facilitating the gathering mentioned crystals and Egypt, I began to sob. I mean, really sob! Hahaha. Then he changed the topic (to which I immediately calmed down) and returned to the tale of Thoth and tears began to flow again. These were not tears of sadness, but of joy and recognition, the recognition of home. All this is sooooo strange and wondrous. I'm so curious what the Universe has in store for me, what am I going to manifest next? I also wonder what is going to carry you to meet the grief.

With love.

Margaret

Dear Margaret, Dear Aspasia,

I am right there with you guys right now. In fact I’m so close to everything you are sharing that I have to stay away, because life with two small children just doesn’t allow the time and space to explore this with you at the moment. There is too much to say, too much to dive into.

The loss of innocence has been the main theme of my work the past few months, in so many ways. As I continue to retrieve lost fragments of my soul, I envision the metaphor of Bringing my children home. 

With every missing ‘child’ that I tearfully welcome back home, I reclaim another part of my ‘original innocence’. Another piece of my birthright.

Aspasia, it’s funny how we explore synergy in one thread and then I find you echoing my thoughts and feelings in another, and I am pulled right in. And Margaret, when you mentioned life programs being rewritten, and how you are working up and down the genetic code, shifting the energy for your mother and daughter as well, I felt chills down my spine. It was like reading an excerpt from my own present experience.

That’s all I can share for now, although there’s so much more. Just know that I’m here, seeing, listening, being with you guys.

Much love to you ❤️?

Anastasia 

Margaret, I find a lot of beauty in what you shared - thank you. I could see and feel the story. I sense that recognising home can be so profound, so simple and yet so elusive too. And yes, "liberating-ly" emotional. I relate. Yes, what an amazing inquiry to see how the universe will unfold for you, for me Heart Praying Emoji

Anastasia, the solidarity is deeply felt through multiple threads. HeartYour metaphor is very poignant. And I love what you say about reclaiming pieces of your birthright. Its really interesting how Synergy arises when coming from the wise heart - I very much value this because it is honest and real.

Aspasia

 

Dear Aspasia and Anastasia,

 

I am delighted to find myself in this sisterly circle with both of you. I sense there are quite a few of us flowing towards the source in these strange times.

 

It feels so beautiful to be able to share these things uninhibitedly, to be heard and received. I’m thankful to the Universe for providing a platform for this kind of exchanges.

Hugs ;-)

Margaret

 

Hi Open and Margaret, 

I chose this thread as it seemed the most appropriate for my inquiry. I need to ask for some support, as things seem to be accelerating very fast for me right now, and I’m finding it all quite destabilising.

A little while ago I had a very strange experience. I was walking through the neighbourhood towards the school to pick up my daughter, and suddenly I had an intense feeling of ‘THIS IS NOT MY LIFE’. These are not my streets I’m walking on. Not my circumstances. Not my friends. Not my reality. I looked around me and it felt like I was walking in a movie set, with 2-dimensional props all around me. The most interesting part though is that I could distinctly feel that the majority of my consciousness was somewhere else, weaving and preparing a new reality that was my ‘real life’. And it was just waiting for the remaining part of my consciousness to finish up whatever business was still keeping it here. But most of me was already somewhere else. This was abundantly clear.

I felt positive about this because I thought it had to do with the fact that we’ve been looking for a new place to live for a while now, but it hasn’t manifested. I thought the experience was pointing to the fact that we might be able to move soon. BUT that’s not at all what was going on!

The last two months or so I’ve been feeling my soul ‘pulling out’ of this reality. Things like

  • Not being able to do or focus on mundane tasks. 
  • Not being able to follow a conversation that doesn’t engage me. (Which is pretty much any conversation on a 3D level)
  • Missing appointments.
  • Forgetting to go to work (!)
  • Letting go of a big chunk of my usual parental ‘control’. Etc.

For a while, I thought I was going out of body, and I was working hard on grounding and trying to be present, but now I don’t believe that any more because I’m pretty much like this all the time, and I can’t bring myself to care at all about all the things that require my attention in this present reality. My soul is simply not engaging.

Recent external events are now mirroring this feeling I’ve had for a long time, and the reactions in my being are now extremely intense. I can see and feel my present reality construct literally being RIPPED APART! For several days now I’ve been going through death after death. Here are some symptoms:

  • It feels as if my heart is being torn to shreds. 
  • My mind is completely dysfunctional in any 3D context ( but is perfectly clear in 5D). 
  • I have contractions in my 4 lower chakras that feel like intense physical cramps. The contractions stay in one chakra for a while and then switch to the next and it’s been going on for days. 
  • I go through powerful waves of strong contractions throughout my being that are followed by an intense feeling of expansion. To the point that even the expansion hurts sometimes, as if it’s stretching me out.
  • I have a constant low ‘fever’. My body temperature stays at about one degree C higher than normal. I feel like I’m ill, but I know I’m not.
  • Signs and synchronicities are exploding around me. So even though I’m a complete mess, I feel so much support from the Universe it’s taking my breath away.

I know this is ultimately a ‘good’ thing, but at the moment it’s extremely challenging. I’m literally struggling to stand up and put one foot in front of the other. Especially since I can’t seem to catch any alone time at the moment to process. I have to manage it while being around other people. Especially children.

Can you shed some light on what’s going on? Is it the beginning of Transfiguration? And what’s the best way to deal with it when being alone is not an option?

As always, immensely grateful for your support. 🙏🏻

Love,

Anastasia 

 

 

Dear Anastasia,

It is so wonderful to hear you are expanding so beautifully and it feels quite fitting to post here as the last expression on this thread was a sisterly embrace.

What you are describing sounds very familiar, most of it. I understand you wishing for some feedback as this kind of strong expansion may feel destabilizing and we naturally seek anchoring in times of uncertainty.

You are seeing the reality with a different set of eyes. Whatever stories, concept or judgements are coming up about what is happening, hold them gently, stay soft with them. No need to suppress anything, to the contrary, notice and let everything pass through, for there may be more awareness wanting to bubble up. The consciousness may want to expand further and the openness will allow for that. Concepts are helpful for us to navigate in the 3D and we need them as guide posts. They are also static and tend to have a bit of a freezing effect on the consciousness if much attention is given to them. Feeling is more aligned with the whole (as I see it) because it fluctuates with it. So, just to pay attention to what is felt and what it brings up in you, moment to moment. 

What helps me in times of transition is to remain in the resonance with the presence. It continuously runs through us and gives us current clues. As I perceive it at the moment we are in a constant flux with the Universe and all that is experienced sends out a ripple into the whole and the whole receives it with love. Each ripple also changes the whole and in that moment we are being changed by that too. So, presence is definitely supporting the awareness around that exchange.

You are talking about putting one foot front of the other and it makes me think about closely following one's soul and how it tends to be just one step at the time. Also not being able to catch a moment alone is what wants to unfold for you. How does it feel to not have that moment? What happens if you soften into that sensation? How might it feel in your body? Does it bring up anything else?

An expansion tends to illuminate the distortions, because they are impediments to the soul's more wholesome expression. Pay most attention to that. There may be some orphaned, forgotten parts of you that wish to rejoin the whole. Be with it all, just the way it is. For it is unfolding just perfectly and most lovingly for you.

We are in this body for a reason and it is our major ally. At least it's how I like looking at it :-) (I'm a body geek!). How can you support your nervous system? Do you feel like your body might be going through a spontaneous detox? Soften, soften, soften more to what your body wants to do. It carries so much wisdom! Just keep that in mind if it resonates and see how can you give your body what it needs. There is a number of embodiment practices and they will be helpful to you in this transition. 

So, I wish you all the best, Anastasia. Your consciousness will take from this what resonates and discard the rest. If there is something that doesn't jive or you don't know what I mean, just let it go. I may add some more around embodiment practices in times of transition because it's an important topic and I like expressing about it :-) I'll be heading out to the mountains for 2 days and see if anything else pops.

With love,

Margaret

 

Hi Anastasia, firstly to greatly encourage you, because it sounds like you're moving into a wonderful transformation - I saw the beginnings of that at the Paradigm Shift gathering in Koln. It's clearly inspired by your commitment to dive right into the process, working through the density, which is the only real way stronger awakening can happen. Awesome! The Sun EmojiThumbs Up Sign

I agree with Margaret that working into presence can be very helpful, and working step-by-step - essential advice. Be aware also though, that presence is most likely to be lost in the various shifts of activation, which tend to progressively expose polarity within - where you jump in and out of lower and higher self. So not to worry if you seem to lose yourself in the processing, that being fully grounded, present and centred might disappear for periods of time. But what is absolutely essential is how you work into what is arising.

Just to shed some light on the basic form of what appears to be going on - certainly in the Openhand Approach, having an intellectual context acts as a useful framework through which to find your unique formlessness. It can relax the mind, and enable you to see that there is a philosophy for it - you're not going crazy! What happens in Transfiguration, is an opening to the higher self, a greater cleansing of the lower self, and an integration of the two, leading to full kundalini activation. Although I've described them as separate steps, they're more like continual cycles until complete. Upon completion, you come fully into presence and flow with the energy of the soul. It feels like you're everywhere and nowhere! And crucially, that takes time to integrate as a way of living and being. Patience is essential, plus seeking the support of those who've experienced it - especially be careful of mainstream 'advice' and interference on the symptoms, because there's precious little recognition of what's going on, and a tendency to diagnose with 'split personality disorder' etc etc. So clearly, in general terms, what you're going through is a deepening of awakening, a greater opening to higher self, and the beginnings of the integration of higher into lower self.

So the 'looking for a new place to live' synchronicity is likely pointing to the soul looking for a new way to embody and live (which I see you concur with). In what you've described, it sounds very much like you've opened to higher self, hence the higher dimensional experiences and the sense of not being able to function in the lower densities. The good sign are the body spasms. That shows you're beginning to embody the higher self - to infuse soul through the lower vehicles. Although challenging, seemingly weird, and a degree concerning, nevertheless they are a great way to infuse soul. They key is to relax into the spasms - feel deeply through them, and as Margaret says, keep softening, softening, softening. So putting your attention fully in them, which brings presence into them and thus awareness. Increased awareness in the contractions is the key - your pain is the place where the light enters!

It's really important that you work to get some alone time during the day and night. Even if they're only short periods. And if the symptoms keep coming up around others, it's useful to offer some context to them if it becomes obvious - an excuse that would quieten their minds about it, because very few have any kind of understanding and the symptoms (of transfiguration/kundalini activation) can look quite peculiar. All the while keep working through, taking one step at a time, knowing that this all makes sense and is a postive expansion for you as a being.

Time grounding in nature can greatly help - connecting to trees for example. Sexual release will most likely help infuse and integrate the energy - especially and including the practice of trantra to infuse energy through the lower vehicles. And when you need to, you can tone the energy down by eating denser foods and also distraction with entertainment might be necessary at times. Deep consciousness bodywork will be important - especially and including dance. I see that was a way you expressed most powerfully in Koln - a great way to integrate. And the Chakra Attunment Meditation will help channel consciousness into the various bodily vehicles - regulate that one though, as it can also be highly activational (the same with sexual expression). The Openhand Bow is great at grounding into and through the density. So a combination of all these things will help integrate the process. NB: be mindful of the processes that activate the strong movements of energy, and those that dampen them where necessary. It's about finding balance, with peaks and troughs, activations and integrations.

If you need facilitation on it, do reach out. These are powerful transformations to bridge, especially in society.

Fears will likely arise, as this is a deeply alchemical process. But know that there are others who've been through, and are going through, what you're experiencing - so there's a context for it. It's leading to the most magical way of living and being - coming back to who you really are. It's totally awesome!

There with you.

Open HeartPraying Emoji

 

Dearest Souls,

I’m so overwhelmed by all the support I’m receiving from the Openhand community right now, I can’t find words to express my gratitude. Only tears of boundless Love 💗 

When I awakened, after losing my unborn son, this song came to me everywhere, all the time. It is not a sad story. It is a story of miracles, of bridging life and death, and of rebirth. My son is with me today and I’ve been reborn to a new life.

I now want to gift this song to everyone here, as a profound expression from my heart and soul to yours. 

“Cause all of me
Loves all of YOU
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning...”

I hope you can ALL feel it 💞

Anastasia