Lets express :)

I have been thinking of opening a forum topic to share my thoughts for a while now, and today's comments gave me a push to do this.

Especially what Open said about the importance of expressing the truth and the distortion. Indeed I see the truth in this, and here I am!

Although I open this topic for my explorations, I want to encourage people to comment and express too if they feel like it, hence the name of the topic!

Lets express then!




‘If you think you are enlightened, go home to your family- mwahahah!’

I am thinking of this quote lately, because it’s time to go home for Christmas. I booked the tickets, partly because I am used to going home for Christmas, and partly because I don’t want to be spending too much time alone (if I don’t go).

On the other hand, I have been experiencing some kind of resistance for that. This is because of a practical thing, my laptop doesn’t work, and I don’t know how I will be able to work on deadlines if I go home. So there is uncertainty. And the second relates to the quote above. I know my buttons will be pushed if I go home, probably accompanied by judgements and projection.

So I asked myself- does it serve me to go home? A thought came is that since there is fear of going, and also uncertainty, it probably does serve me. But should I go just for the sake of facing the fear and uncertainty? Am I denying these or does it serve me to stay and focus on the deadlines?

So I have been trying to ‘spot the distortion’, when thinking about my options. Or maybe another way of putting is discern the authentic impulse.

Maybe I am thinking about it too much and I should meditate on it.

I will leave it up to here for now.

Best wishes to everyone,

Alex smiley


Hi Alexandros,

Love that you have opened this forum =). What I love about the place you are describing is that no matter what you end up doing there is much to face within either way... So how can one go truly wrong?  Will be curious to see which way you feel to go when you tune in inside and see what arises... What movement/direction/energy is wanting to express and what does that bring up inside? And as you move in a particular direction, what synchronicity do you notice? Have fun exploring! ? Jen

Hi Alex,

I loved the quote - yep, going home to family at Christmas will likely be a tester for sure!

It will most likely present a great opportunity to explore boundaries - creating space during the day to refresh your own vibe. Also being mindful of emotional/intellectual boundaries - not letting others project their truth onto you.

One thing you might work on is being more in the energy field. So in these types of engagements, the tendency is to pull you into the emotional and intellectual planes (most often where judgments are). The invitation is to resist being owned by these programs and feel your expansion into the field - how can you stop the energy of the judgments coming in?

When this has happened to me in the past, I recalled a scene from the Matrix, where Neo puts his hand up to incoming 'bullets' (in this case meant metaphorically), and says "No!" The bullets - the judgments - stop and fall away.

Maybe worth giving something like that a whirl.

No doubt you'll be able to learn masses from it - providing you keep inquiring in it.

Wishing you well

Open yes

Thanks alexandros for the post and also for the invitation to share. I love the quote too and coudn't agree more! I have learned a great deal within family where i spend most of my time.

Amongst other things i have observed lots of judgement from me ,wanting them to be a certain way - more  considerate,caring,independent, acceptable to name a few. But with each engagement i have learned i can accept them more as they are without with all their imperfections. Actually its only me who is accepting myself. I can also see there's a long way to go still but the peace and joy arising naturally is just fabulous and it can only get better! How awesome is that!

Something that i'm exploring now is the energetic connection between me and my mother. I have observed that i get energetically pulled down whenever she is upset and that is quite a lot these days. I guess there is co - dependency between us which has begun from my childhood. Its like each has learned in early days that one can be happy when the other is happy. In the past i have felt a need to make up for it by protecting her or helping her is some sort of way. This need has diminished but the energetic disharmony is quite evident. To a degree i'm also dependent on her financially and for other things. But it is considered as quite normal within the family. Hence the difficulty to self - realize through it. Any insight to this engagement is heartily welcome.

In most cases i can clearly see her and others issues and there is a natural aspiration to help them. I know i can only help them to the degree that i have helped myself. There is a stronger tendency to tell them their truth which to say the least doesn't work. But i can still tell her these stuff since she is more receptive and caring but i know most of it passes right over her head. I have naturally adopted a way of asking questions which has had positive results.

PS : Open,the spelling suggestion is absent for me which was quite a help in the earlier versions. Maybe its an invitation to learn to spell more correctly. Still it would be nice to have it here. 


Hey, thanks for your responses and support!!  

Jen,  I felt really supported reading your message,  and a clear encouragement to keep exploring,  which is really helpful!  Thanks a lot!!  :) I will be happy to share what unfolds.  The number 13 has been appearing lately, which is the date of the flight- interesting!! 


Open,  indeed (physical)  boundaries were the first thing I was considering regarding going home.  Your suggestion to do something metaphorically similar to what Neo did is exciting!  Thank you for this suggestion,  I will test it :). 

Something that I do daily before engaging with the world,  is what you suggested in September,  willfully declaring that 'Anything that doesn't serve me is NOT invited in my field'.  Would be interesting to do something similar in 'real time` during interactions. 

I also use a tool Trinity shared for when  travelling: Drawing an imaginary line around my body declaring that' This is me,  and anything outside this is not me'. 


Vimal, thanks for sharing your reflections!  You are not alone,  I too find myself wanting my family members to understand me,  for example and attached in other 'outcomes'  too.  I think that sometimes,  telling others what we think to be their truth,. may be in fact our own subtle resistance (non-acceptance) to what's going on,  and maybe that's why it may not be working as you said. So the question here I suppose is,  why did I express what I think to be their truth in this moment?

 I too am. starting to use questions as Open suggests when Judgement and projection appear!  I wish you all the best with your explorations :)) 

Best wishes to everyone, 

Alex :) 


I have been embodying and connecting with playfulness lately,  (e.g., walking playfully, jogging playfully,).  I even had a dream. of being in the sea,  approached by dolphins and touching them, which brought a lot of joy! (I guess it relates to playfulness!!) 

 Today I followed a synchronicity and attended a play workshop. On of the things we did there,  was dress up using materials for clowns (wigs,  hats,  ties,  glasses etc), and we interracted with the room and with each other,  in a non-verbal way (we made sounds,  but without language).  

I was aware  that this is essentially a great part of individual child psychotherapy (apart from the costumes), so I was aware that a lot of unconscious material would probably be conveyed. Because of that,  I found myself resisting things that wanted to come through!  For example,. my urge to ask for help from another, and probably a maternal figure. 

Further,  because I was aware that what was happening was probably conveying unconscious messages,  I found myself being afraid of what I was seeing.  

This is because I was afraid of others expressing their emotions. And probably because I didn't want to see my distortions being acted. right in front of me (from others and from. myself too).  

Lots of things were brought up emotionally I think,  and I remember in the end I felt like crying (without knowing why). 

But it wasn't just that,  very nice creative moments arose spontaneously too!  Like singing for example!  It was such a joy! 

I am intrigued by this,  especially knowing how it may be used as a tool for self discovery,  which could be used as part of my career too :) 

Hey Alex, i hope I'm not using your space too much but i felt to write a little bit about expressing within the web community. - wanting to be seen a certain way rather than just expressing oneself. Its like you are continuously brought to the the ground , rebuild yourself again only to be brought down again. It's actually really painful. But somewhere down the line you have to make a choice which is worthwhile keeping the image of yourself intact or just tearing it down. Because i believe ultimately nothing in the outside can replace what you have already within.I'm giving space for the part of me that wants to be heard. We are all in this together and there's nothing to be really afraid of. So let's express - bravely and openly. 

I want to write about my dilemma. It reminds me of what Open says about being pulled in different directions.  One moment I'm staying here,  in another one I'm going home. 

There seems to be false synxronicities probably created by my mind.  I'm wondering whether a subconscious fear can create such false 'synchronicities'... 

There is a lot of fear about going home.  I asked myself if I didn't have that practical problem would I go home?  I realised that there was a lot of resistance in any case.  The practical problem seems to add uncertainty to the whole thing. 

Going home is a challenge that I am afraid of,  but what brings positivity,  is the trust that If I express myself at home, the fear will go away, as has happened in the past. The word 'express' caught my attention today, which might be linked to that. 

Any reflections are welcome.

Best wishes to all, 


Hi Vimal, 

I see myself in what you described so nicely!  It was uncomfortable to recognise that I'm doing that,  wanting to appear a certain way.  I like your bravery to be vulnerable!  It inspires me to be the same! 

And of course dont worry about taking 'my'  space!  It's for everyone :) 


All the best, 

Alex :) 

Hey Alex,

I'm glad it resonated something within you too. Yes, that morning i was feeling pissed off and heavy since i was not getting the acknowledgement i so wanted to. And everything in the outside world was reflecting it. Interestingly my mother was also feeling the same thing and blaming everyone for it. Luckily i was through with the blaming and meditating on it. And this came through " I'm giving space for the part of me that wants to be heard". Because really it's ok to be wanted to be heard and acknowledged and there is nothing wrong with that. Its interesting when paradoxically i accept the worst part of me i was hiding from ,then i can change. Hence there was a breaking through to the soul and synchronistically after that i had a conversation with my brother where he said how putting out a 'fake' image of himself in fb is giving him lots of attention. This is what i love about openhand because however bad your ego wants something ,Openhand serves the best interest of our souls. Because at the soul level we all asked for it. I'm not saying I'm through with my stuff because it has many layers and it's a long and deep process. 

You said about the confusion with the decision of going home. Interestingly i will be receiving an invitation for a get-together with some of my college friends and I'm feeling a bit of confusion for whether to go or not. Because in the past in a similar situation there was lots of judgement towards me, some of it even harsh. Clearly i was an odd ball and they were seeing reflections of a part of themselves they wanted to ignore. But still i have loved them and still does and there is much in joy in connecting and sharing some memories. At this point i want to repeat what jen wrote "  What I love about the place you are describing is that no matter what you end up doing there is much to face within either way... So how can one go truly wrong? " . I also believe ultimately the choice doesn't matter. Theres is only doubt and confusion when the soul is wanting to breakthrough. And the tightness created in the process is what's important. Im asking these questions to myself. "What have i got to lose? I can always come back to this place ,no matter how down and under i go. How does it matter if i say no which might end the connection with them? What are the positive sides of the experience and what all can i learn from it. 

It was a pleasure sharing with you and learning in the process. 

Wishing you well my friend

Vimal <3

Wow! These are amazing sharings Alex and Vimal! I really love what you said here Vimal "Theres is only doubt and confusion when the soul is wanting to breakthrough. And the tightness created in the process is what's important."  

I have witnessed how there is a natural flow of living that arises from a place of unlimitedness inside and then it bumps into places that I am not quite clear and there begins a churning and running in circles mentally and emotionally...the Soul is confronting attachments inside. I find it supportive to allow all the inner stuff to be there but also connect deeper to that place inside where the limitations are not there, where I feel most free and open, unchained and then "walk" into the internal points of confusion, feel them, what do I believe I need in this circumstance? What am I truly afraid of? What do I believe I can't handle? WHo do I believe I need to be? If I work to unravel these by feeling the tightness they create and inquiring within, then a clear way of being through it may arise. When things are very churned up and I can't seem to find the free place inside, then it helps to just open to the feelings of confusion, feel all the fears and doubts, get ok with their presence and ask the universe to "show me"... I have experienced pure magic when I pay attention to what the universe is showing me...some clue of where my attachment is and what wants to emerge through it - what way of being wants to come through. In the places of confusion, I find the way of being is often one that is challenging for me...one that is not my usual way of being - so it brings up a lot of discomfort, but being in alignment with the Soul will light a way through.

This was very powerful Alex, "Going home is a challenge that I am afraid of,  but what brings positivity,  is the trust that If I express myself at home, the fear will go away, as has happened in the past. The word 'express' caught my attention today, which might be linked to that."  I find it so interesting that you said the fear goes away when you express yourself at home...it reminds me of a story I just listened to. There were tests run on this batallion that was in battle...they were testing the heartrates/stress levels of the soldiers. What they found was that stress was highest in the place where they were waiting for something to happen, but unable to actually take any action yet. Once the battle began, their stress levels plummeted. It was observed that once there is direct action, once they could move in a way that they felt to, that they knew to, there was a level of active relaxation. I relate this to my recent experience of determining whether I should flee the area that I live in due to a hurricane or wait and ride it out. Everything in me was saying to go, but attachments to various things were stirring up doubt. I had to work through those, but I tell ya, it was excruciating to be in the place where you know something is right and you are not acting on it because of fears of what may be. Like you said, once I could move with that knowing (which was my form of expressing), all the anticipatory fears dissipated and I could just move with and be me through the experience as it unfolded. There is also much to be learned from getting comfortable with the feeling of not knowing - of sitting in the place where we aren't sure - clearly in society (within ourselves) this is a place of great stress and clarity isn't always immediately available as we work into our stuff.

Thanks for sharing you guys! It's helping me to reflect on my own "this way or that way" type of conundrums. 

Much love to you,


Vimal and Jen, thanks for sharing your experiences and thoughts! So much to learn from these.

I want to share how things turned out.  After posting my previous comment, I realized that there was an expectation that someone would come in this site and tell me what is the best for me. It was difficult to stay with the uncertainty (the flight was the next day). 

When my flat mate returned, I shared my dilemma with her. At some point she said something like, 'Yeah they will be happy to see you'. This had touched me deeply as I knew it was true. My flat mate expressed what my family couldn't. And it also help me realize (or remember) that my family has difficulties expressing their emotions. This was the answer I was looking for. This was the motivation for me to go home.  Although they find it difficult to express their love, they do love me! This might have been the reason for my ambivalence and indecision (as well as the fear of being judged and not understood).

When I shared my realizations with my family, especially the difficulty in expressing, it was as if all the judgments and projections paused, there was a brief silence, of acknowledging the truth. My mum told me, 'we were thinking maybe you didn't want to see us'. Probably I was feeling the same thing!

I also remember when I was away, how I had not missed my family. I was thinking to myself 'what is there to miss?'. I don't want to be or sound disrespectful, I appreciate all the things that my family has been doing for me since birth! But I also acknowledge that being away and setting boundaries was key for me to open my wings and express myself! Once I have done that, I can now bring more of me back home. I guess what there is to miss, is the unexpressed love and care, which is there somewhere and finds itself in the surface occasionally.

While I was walking to the bus station, the poem 'Do not go gentle into that goodnight' came to mind, interesting to see it posted here today! :)


I’d like to write about a dream that has woken me up in the middle of the night, and try and interpret it.

I was driving, returning home from the usual route I take. It was a main road, two lanes in my direction, two lanes in the opposite, separated by a guard rail. In the street that I wanted to turn into, there was no guard rail, but a third lane.

I took the third lane to turn but realized that I went too far ahead and had to go backwards, so that the turn was opposite me. For some reason, I switched off the driving lights and started going backwards. I noticed from the mirror, that a car is approaching from behind and is signaling to me to be cautious using its own headlights. Then, that car behind me switches its driving lights off and appears to go backwards too.

When it was time for me to stop going backwards and rather go forwards, I noticed that the break wouldn’t work. I switched to first gear but the car was still going backwards. The car continued to go backwards, and accelerated. I was pressing the brakes and became anxious, but it would not work. I noticed how it went faster and looking from the side mirror, I was crossing the other lane, going very close from other cars, and was probably going to crash soon.

There was a strong sense of losing control. And fear.

(I realize my heart is beating fast as I write this- also I got anxious when I visited that same route today.)



The symbology of this dream is quite strong. The brake not working, going backwards, losing control.

Something that is important, I think is going backwards in a one way road. I asked ‘show me’, and one of the things I noticed today was a car saying ‘One way’, but there was an arrow pointing on the opposite direction than the one the car was going.

It makes me feel that I’m going the wrong way!

I also noticed the number 22 (and 222) today a lot, which I don’t know yet what is about.

It seems that there is anxiety about it, and I shall work with it. Any comments are welcome.

Best wishes to all,



Hi Alex,

Firstly to say, when I interpret dreams, I do so from the intuition. These then are not thoughts, although they channel through mind. And they are not to tell you what to do, only where and (perhaps) how to look. Because it's always your inquiry that counts.

I'd say the 4 lane motorway is the usual karmic consensus reality - 4 lanes = 4th density. 

I'd say you were invited to turn off, but missed the turning for a while.

So now there's going backwards through the karma, through the conditioning.

There's guidance there, but not always obvious - hence no headlights. You have to look for another way of seeing beyond the eyes, and hearing beyond the ears.

I'd say you're being invited to let go of control and the fears that brings up. But not to completely abandon all sense and sensibility. Let go of control in how you make choices and decide your life. But then bring concentrated awareness to new ways of creating and being.

Dreams can tell us masses.

I responded to a forum topic on interpreting dreams here... how to interpret your dreams

Enjoy - have fun - let go!

Open yes

Open, I'd like to say thank you for your comment above. The last line made me laugh at the time.

Something that has come up for me is loneliness. It appeared previously again when I was in therapy: When revisiting a car crush for example, a sense of loneliness was what I could feel.

Recently, I was in a  retreat, where I spent many hours sat in meditation. When it started to hurt my legs, although I was not in touch with emotional pain, songs about loneliness would come to mind. And this increasingly put me in touch with the emotional pain. But it was not strong. Maybe it was 'overshadowed' by the physical pain. Or maybe the physical pain was not just physical. On day 8 of the retreat, I realised that the emotional pain of loneliness was making the physical pain on the legs much much more intense. It was like I'm in pain, and I feel lonely in this pain. And this makes it more painful. I think it probably has to do with early childhood experiences.

After the retreat, I found out that my flat mate decided to leave the flat. Something that has happened before- a flat mate 'abandonning' me. I think that abandonnement is also linked to this feeling of loneliness. I remember times when I got a sense of being abandonned by others and being triggered. Something interesting about the current flat situation is that it revealead that our contract was 'void'. I was wondering what that could mean.

Regarding loneliness, it is clear for me that food cravings and addictions are a way to distract me from feeling the loneliness. I also read about food cravings being described as 'attachment cries'. That is, when we have a core belief that that our emotional needs are not met from our relationships, we 'attach' to food to get the sense of comfort we need.


Hi Alex,

The great thing is that you're inquiring deep into the feelings - I've noticed that in your process right from the beginning - a preparedness to be honest and own what's coming up, and what's happening in your life. This taking ownership will take you a long way, and help you break through things a lot faster - awesome OK Hand Sign

This jumped right off the page for me...

I remember times when I got a sense of being abandonned by others and being triggered. Something interesting about the current flat situation is that it revealead that our contract was 'void'

Here's a key aspect of Openhand philosophy...

When you're being open and honest, when you're owning your stuff, then when you ask a genuine question of authenticity about what's going on in your life, then the question often comes from the soul; and when it does, it's usually answered immediately, and in your own words.

So your 'contract' with your room mate was void, or, in terms of self-realisation... "your 'contract' with your room mate was to take you into the void". In other words, by being 'abandoned' in this way, the invitation is to soften into the place of absoluteness - the void - where everything is one, and therefore purely present. You can only fully come to this place alone. I would say that's what the synchronicity is pointing towards.


Open Praying Emoji

Since last week I have noticed a buzzing noise in my ear. It’s as if someone is knocking on a metal rod, again and again and again. When there is noise around, I can’t hear it, but when its quiet outside and I focus on it, it’s very loud. This is a familiar sound, which I recall having as a teenager too. But it re-appeared again last week.

Last night, in my dream, I was attacked by entities. I knew there were more than one. When they ‘pushed’ themselves into me, I tried to relax into it, but it was very intense and uncomfortable and tried to fight them and take them outside of me. In the dream I was in my ‘old room’ with a little kid, and I told him to exit from the window. I myself run towards the main ‘exit’. I took the key from the room’s door and opened the door to make my way towards the exit. By opening the door, another entity appeared and attacked me. I think that one came into me via my armpit!

I also saw turning an appliance on and off. This was very interesting to interpret, as this week I bought a new heater. The first time I turned it on the alarm went off (probably that was a sign to warn me). We noticed in the flat that the electricity in the sockets would go out when I had my heater on. It turns out that the sockets are not receiving energy from the main source, rather they are sending power to one another.

After the dream I realised that probably this is a metaphor for how these entities are feeding. Not from the source, but from other ‘sockets’. And probably the heater somehow brought an entity into my ear, although I am not sure about this. I did feel much sucked into the external world this week, waking up and wanting to connect to the internet, rather than sitting in stillness, which was unusual, and probably this was the reason.

I spent some time in nature yesterday which helped a lot bring my awareness into my body.

Hi Alexandros - what you're describing as a ringing in the ears is what's often called Tinitus. Check it out on the web. There's very little general understanding for what causes it (sometimes it's considered to be wax build up in the ears) and the general suggestions about curing it are to distract with other sounds or simply to get used to it and completely accept it.

It could very possibly be an implant causing it. You mentioned that you noticed it since last week - was there a particular event or circumstance after which you noticed it? Had you been doing a lot of conscious work or meditation?

I've witnessed probably most people carry implants, but are not consciousness of them until they start to raise their vibration through the evolutionary process. An implant usually occurs in the fourth density vehicle - the causal or energy body. Its purpose is to distract from the main chakras, to pull consciousness into the distortion, then to sink as 'white noise' into the background. Essentially the internal dissonance creates a release of energy, which might then be 'farmed' by Opposing Consciousness - intelligent energies in the field. I would say that was the synchronicity of losing power in the electricity circuit.

So it would seem you're now becoming conscious of an intervention. Which is a good thing. It means you now have the possibility to gain increasing consciousness through more internal layers. What's being explored and invited here?

My intuition tells me the 'child's room' in the dream is most possibly your own inner child. Are you aware of some kind of visitations from that time? It's great to have the approach to allow the energy to pass in and through, but if an unconscious part of you is still resisting, then that layer of consciousness can become the magnet to which they stick.

My suggestion would be to consciously regress into the time when you perceive the dream was from. Feel what it was like to be the small child, potentially with such visitations - if that feels real for you. All these entities can do is to exacerbate fear - the rest we do to ourselves. So work to become the child, then work to be accepting - become as nothing in it. It is important though that if there is fear, you allow it to express - always remember the sense of the One in the background. At the height of any reaction or contraction, then allow the sense of complete acceptance to come through the experience - this will open a doorway for the sense of the One. Then it will have less and less effect on you.

When this has happened, and you're completely accepting, work to intuit and feel any sense in the ear where the Tinitus is happening. Can you literally pull anything out of the ear in the 4D? Work on that and witness what changes. Do get back and I'll see if I can help some more.

Wishing you well

Open Praying Emoji

PS: For all reading, here's an article on: Energy Implants and How to Remove Them

Hi Open,

Thanks a lot for your response.

I am not sure exactly when it appeared, but last week I did a juice fast, which caused a lot of physical release, and joy following that. But I also got a bit sick on my final day. During the fast though, interestingly, I could not find the discipline to meditate for a considerable amount of time, although I did have loads of time. I was ungrounded, restless and sucked in to the external world.

Yes the room in the dream was the room I was living as a child. As a child I had many nightmares of snakes. And I do remember waking up in the night and thinking there was a snake on my bed cover. I would look at the folds of the cover and be afraid that they were snakes.

Something that may or may not be related to this is some occasional pains in the chest. These pains were probably one of the most intense things that happened, they lasted for 2-3 seconds, but I couldn’t move because of them. As if a solid laser line was going through my chest.

I will work on it and see what happens. Thank you for all the support and guidance.



Hi Alex - the juice fast could definitely cause an expansion of consciousness, which then might make you more aware of things in the 4D field. So it's highly possibly that activated the senses.

And by the sounds of things, the fear associated with what happened in childhood might well be the unconscious layer which becomes the magnet for OC - something to work with. The good thing is becoming aware of these things - then we can do something with them.

Let me know how you get on

Open Praying Emoji

Hi Open, thank you for caring!

The inner child is 5 years old (probably that’s why I have been drawn to the number 23).

You said “the fear associated with what happened in childhood might well be the unconscious layer which becomes the magnet for OC - something to work with.”

I connected with the inner child and did not feel any fear. I felt sadness and anger. When I came out of the experience I thought that the unconscious layer is fear, but not related to visitations. It is the fear of intimacy. The inner child didn’t receive that (hence the anger and sadness), and doesn’t know how to express love and tenderness (unconscious fear). The fear as a feeling is probably a deep trauma, and I haven’t touched it yet.

I think this because I am moving towards intimacy right now and I am exploring my fear around it (my highly empathic friend picked it up). Would this process attract the entities? Or maybe the exploration of this made me become aware of them. 



Hi Alex,

I think at this point, now you have a sense of where the real nub of the issue lies, and it's likely to be quite sensitive, it would be good to work with a facilitator on it. My sense is to work on abandonment, and what that might mean. I can recommend someone to work with if you wish.

Much love

Open Praying Emoji

Am I burning the boats, or am I avoiding something challenging?

It seems that my flat mates and I are going to move to a different flat, because of upcoming renovation works in the neighbourhood. We have the flexibility to do so as we are not bound by a contract.

It came to me that ‘If I had the option of not living with one of my current flat mates, I would go for it”. This is because, although we are living harmoniously together, she seems to always be happy and positive, and I get a very intense sense that she is blocking her emotions, and faking positivity. I do not enjoy spending time with her for that, and thinking of the possibility of ‘abandoning’ my friends.

It’s interesting that this word came to mind once again. My other flat mate suggested that maybe I am afraid of the commitment (I will be finally signing a contract, probably), which rings true. Am I “Identifying with the aggressor?” This is psychoanalytic jargon, used to describe the tendency to take the qualities of someone who has caused us some challenge. Am I abandoning them, because I am afraid of being abandoned?

Oh yes, that’s probably it… Being afraid of commitment, because of the possibility of abandonment. It’s amazing how so many different situations, are revealing to me the same thing about me, again and again.

Blessings to all,



Hi Alexandros - firstly it's great that you're being so introspective, and working to see yourself in the situations you create - that can only be a good thing. Slightly Smiling

It's also important, though, not to over analyse - otherwise you might end up creating stories around the issue. The key question is does a particular action make you tight in some way? If it does, then that'll be the reason you created it.

It strikes me that you are authentic in how you express. So it could also be that your soul is literally moving away - not manifesting - reflections of people who are not being authentic. Personally I don't believe there's anything wrong in that.

Open Praying Emoji


So Today I had some very powerful revelations about me. And wanted to write them down and share them for anyone who might benefit.

I have identified that my behaviours in relationships falls under what is known as an Avoidant attachment type. I tend to feel very easily threatened and suffocated, and thus find myself avoiding intimacy. Avoiding it because it may suffocate me.

And then I asked myself. Why do I feel suffocated? What am I suffocating from?

Although the answers came quickly, I first had to ask the questions for them to come. Attachment and metallisation theories, helped me find the answers, as well as a dream of mine. These theories, suggest that when we are babies, we need a caregiver to make sense of our emotional reactions. We have an emotional experience, which ideally, is contained and reflected (or mirrored) back to us and we integrate that in our psyche. However, when our emotional experiences are not mirrored accurately by our caregivers, or there is emotional neglect, then we experience one thing- but integrate an inaccurate reflection (or projection, or neglect). Therefore, we build what is known as “Alien Self”. (Interesting how the word alien is used! Maybe these guys intuited that aliens take advantage of these!!).

So what happens, in my understanding, is that my true essence, and true feelings, are then hidden, outnumbered by the inaccurate reflections and projections of my caregiver. The other person’s stuff are filling my internal world, not living much space for my own true feelings, and experiences. And hence there is a sense of suffocation! It can be symbolised as a long cupboard, with our own stuff inside the depths of it, hidden by other people’s “stuff” (fears, anxieties). So we cannot find our own stuff, because they are hidden by the stuff of other people! And we feel suffocated by them!

Okay fascinating! How does this help me?

Well it helps me because it shows me how important it is for me to honour my boundaries. I need boundaries to keep other people’s stuff away, so that I can feel and express what is truly mine! So it’s so important that this happens, or else whenever I find myself with others, I tend to honour what other people want or need, and “neglecting” or ignoring what I really need myself.

But another question that arises, is how do we get rid of all these accumulated stuff… Our parent’s fears, anxieties, emotional neglect? My guess would be to keep honouring the boundaries, finding what I feel to express in each moment, and also maybe softening through any arising fear (that has come from others).

I’d be interested to know what people think! I am fascinated, and I hope people find this helpful.

All the best,



Hi Open and everyone :)

It was such a pleasure and joy to attend the Exeter weekened and connect with fellow Openhanders, as always really!

It's been very helpful to go deep into the blockages and liberate myself from it, and also be uplifted! Thank you Open and Aspasia for your skillfull facilitation! I noticed yesterday how the outside world activates feelings, vibrations and pulsing in various parts of the body - which can give me an understanding of which areas and tightness relate to which issue.

One thing that is noteworthy is that from before and during the workshop, I had dreams that woke me up in fear or distress. Probably karma coming up.One of them being persecuted, which is a theme for me lately. Last night I had a dream that I was kept in a palace (or big house / area) and wanted to escape from it. But as soon as I tried to escape bu going away, there was this other character that would always catch up with me and take me back exactly. It almost seemed pointless at some point trying to go away, as that character would always catch up with me. Even when I knew that this character was going in one direction and I was going into the opposite, I would still miraculously find him in front of me!

I also saw (in the dream) a friend that could represent the warrior energy; he started running but had a rope attached to his back. After a while someone just pulled the rope back and my friend fell back and had injuries on his knee. This final bit makes me think of the warrior energy wanting to be unleashed but something keeping it back.

I have to admit that having these dreams so often makes feel a bit disappointed and sad to see the blockages/distortions and it seems quite overwhelming! But there was also a beautiful dream on Monday that also gave me the sense of freedom of the soul. Flowing downwards from the sky in a spiral, until I reached the ground, where a door opened and I entered! 

It reminds me of the importance of attuning to the sense of joy and happiness as much as possible - or else it will be just processing all the time! 


Thanks for the reminder on attuning to joy Alexandros - really timely for me. Your friend in the dream mirrors my current struggle to unwind from the matrix. With every new step I make, another tentacle reaches out trying to trip me and pull me back.  My knees are pretty well skinned up at this point. It’s ridiculous. But I still keep feeling into the places they’re attaching to - it ain’t always pretty but thanks for the reminder to enjoy the ride.   :) 

It's always great to work with you Alex, and everyone else at the Exeter gathering - how lovely it was 🙂

So do you know what's holding the warrior back in you? Do you believe that's what the dream refers to?

Open Praying Emoji

Hi Paul, it's a pleasure to know that you got something from my sharing! I also found some of your sharings reflecting things in my experience as well, so thank you as well - and wishing you very well with the leap you are making! :D 

Open, yes I actually reflected a little bit on that yesterday. I realised that when I focus on a project or task, I find myself being "all or nothing", and therefore can be too focussed, too rigid, and lose connection with the spontaneity and openness of the soul. I know that sometimes these things need to be sacrificed to some extent, but I found that when I do focus on some goal or task I tend to be too rigid and too controlling. And the disconnection that this creates from the openness and surrendering aspects, I realised yesterday, made me slightly avoidant towards foccussed commitment, and found myself being on the other extreme - being too open, allowing myself to free wheel a bit too much maybe. 

It's a question that has been bothering me for some time- how to integrate these two. But it came to me yesterday, that if I am open and surrendered and float like a feather all the time, then I will never create something. So there needs to be a bit of management. Throwing the baby ray 1 out with the bathwater is what I have been doing and it won't do it! 

Thank you :) 

Hi Alex,

I see what you're experiencing. Yes indeed, if you're too surrendered "ray 2" and out there, then there's not enough foccus to commit to or create anything. I know exactly what you mean Thumbs Up Sign

For me, the ray 1 can be very focussed indeed - but I also see great connection in this, especially if you keep watching fo the synchronicity speaking into the flow. So it's not losing the focus, but widening the periphery view whilst in action - I don't know if this makes sense, but it did help me.

You also definitely get periods of time where you seem to be focussing on one particular ray configuration - if that's the case, my suggestion is just to let it happen. Although do also be aware of potential shifts so as not to get locked in a particular gear.

Open Praying Emoji

Hi Alex,

Your response and self inquiry just ignited something I’d like to share here as a reflection of what I recently went through as far as the matrix testing my Ray 1 commitment. I hope you don’t mind the length or the drama of this post – I was originally just going to share some pieces, but the specific experience just seemed to want to keep pouring out….  :)

One of the main challenges I had to turn into with the leap of faith associated with career/job/providership was the obvious Biggie – How am I going to pay the bills? I also have a family and young children to support – what about them? How much am I really willing to risk here?

I had been noticing a subtle pull towards 1/11 as a potential resignation date – and the more I gave more attention to it, the more synchronicity really spiked around it in support.  As it went from subtle to palpable, it really helped motivate me to make the necessary arrangements for my departure.  Once I realized the Pull was aligning with a specific time commitment, it turned what originally felt like a deadline into a lifeline. :) It seemed like it smooth sailing from there, and I thought I was ready to roll!

But the matrix tested my commitment almost IMMEDIATELY.  The weekend prior to 1/11, I had been going through some very dense energetic processing that was physically gut wrenching.  I woke up on Sunday with deep lower abdominal pain so strong I couldn’t even bend over to put on my shoes. 

The pain didn’t let up the next day, or the next, or the next.  Both my wife and an energetic healer I’ve been working with said to me on separate occasions, “I really hope it’s not a hernia.   If it doesn’t get any better soon, you really need to get it checked out medically.”

And then many other things I took for granted, like the fact that my career has always provided health insurance for myself and my family, came into painfully sharp focus.

The next morning I went all Dr. Google on it, and literally every one of the symptoms lined up exactly with a serious form of hernia which had dire short term repercussions, and could only be fixed via immediate surgery.

I really started contracting into a cold sweat then.  Even though my soul was absolutely yearning to leave and start the next chapter in my life, suddenly 1/11 didn’t seem like a good idea AT ALL. It's just a date - I can always leave another time that makes more practical sense.  If I left then, I would be forfeiting the health insurance that my company helped pay for, and the astronomical cost of doctor visits/MRI/surgery without coverage would easily wipe out all the savings I’d built up in my “transition fund.”  And I wouldn’t be able to see a doctor before 1/11; there just wasn’t enough time. The logical thing to do was to postpone leaving, at least until I could be checked out.  That plus an MRI plus potential surgery and post op visits – who knows how long that could even TAKE?  And imagine the judgment I’d face from my wife if I did leave without going to see a doctor, and we ended up losing all of our nest egg on medical bills. 

All of a sudden my trust was shaken to the core, and my confidence in energetic, natural healing didn’t seem to hold water at all, especially because the healer who I trusted explicitly had also recommended going to see a doctor. 

That cold feeling of doubt coupled fantastically with the excruciating abdominal pain I experienced every time I moved. 

That morning, from that place of doubt and despair I asked, “Show me! I am lost and afraid. PLEASE!!!” 

The subtle response that landed was “Trust.  Accept Healing.  Accept Love.”

That was going on internally as I hobbled over to pick up my wallet before heading into the office for the day, and as soon as I picked it up, all of my credit and banking cards fell out of it into a scrambled heap onto the floor.  In essence, my entire financial life had fallen onto the floor in front of me in a pile of plastic.  My awareness sharpened.  And I noticed that since they’d fallen out in reverse order, my Health Insurance card was at the top of the heap.  “This really wasn’t the sign I was looking for,” I muttered as I bent down to scoop them up, more pain shooting through my body from bending over.

Then I turned over one last card on top of all of them, and froze.  It was an old gift card from my birthday I’d never used. 

“Allow yourself  to Accept the Gift of Healing,” softly landed with it.

And right then my phone soundtrack shifted songs – to a binaural beat called “Pain Relief – Energetic Healing.” 

Holy crap Universe - You definitely got my attention! But it didn’t change the pain – in fact, it was getting worse every day.

So then I’m driving down the road on the way in to the office that morning, squirming around in my seat because I couldn’t get comfortable sitting, and I’m STILL at my wits end…I let everything just run through. Health insurance. Hernia. No money. No job. House. Mortgage. Food. Family. Embarrassment. Divorce. How am I ever going to heal in the next three days? Energetic healing?  Yeah right!  What if what if what if…?

And my attention lands on the clock on my dashboard, and it’s 9:11 – which for me, has always meant “URGENT.  Drop Everything you are doing.  Pay attention NOW and go directly into the tightness.  You are being offered the opportunity to break through.  Only then can you be Emergent.”

I feel into the physical pain again, and a scene from the movie Batman Begins hits my Youtube feed.  The protagonist has to climb out of a pit, but he keeps failing and falling, crashing against the walls with his rope harness.  I watch it and it catalyzes what I'm feeling even more.  Frustrated and broken and angry, he finally asks a sage for wisdom.

“Make the climb.  As the child did. 

Without the rope.”


And I realize that the savings I have set aside as security in case I fail – they are my rope.  The approval and support of my wife – she is my rope.

I am being asked to make the climb without a rope.

Just then an email notification pops up, and I can only read the title: “Want to learn more about REAL LIFE?”

YES! I shout internally.

"Then make the climb."

Next the autoselected music in my car matches exactly what I’m feeling –it’s Delta by Mumford & Sons. I pull up the lyrics to see all the words - and there is a small ad in the middle of the page that leaps out at me. The ad says, in tiny but affirmative bold letters: LEAP OF FAITH.

And I say out loud to the Universe with full on commitment:


“I’m still leaving.  Do you hear me?  Whatever happens.  I AM LEAVING.”


And when I expressed that, everything shifted.

Immediately A Twitter notification pops up in response – it’s from none other than Elon Musk.  He says “And now… we dance!”

Ray One realllllly kicks in then and I am breaking through the pain driving down the highway and yelling, “Let’s do this!  Let’s DO this!!! LET'S DO THIS!!!!!”

…I’d been to church that past Sunday, and the sermon was about the three wise men from the East following the Western Star to Bethlehem as a Guiding Light.  The pastor, who is freaking awesome, shifted things up that morning - and instead of the usual tithing/offering plates, she said she wanted to give every member of the congregation a gift for the New Year. And so she had the ushers pass out baskets filled with silver stars, each one inscribed with a unique word – as a Guiding Light for each member for the New Year, from the Epiphany to Easter…

I look over to my right to shift lanes, and my view is completely blocked by a giant white truck.

The only thing on it is a silver logo:


Utterly amazing!!! 

… …

I can't say the pain magically went away in that moment or anything, but I can say this: I brought the pain along with me when I went in on Friday to resign. I also brought with me the trust that it was simply was no longer a factor.  And the day after, that Saturday, I woke up and it was almost completely gone!

For me personally - one of the most crucial aspects of Ray 1 is just having the courage to Ask.  

Thanks for the space to Express this!  I feel a little self conscious and self centered just sharing my personal story like this and not knowing if it will resonate with anyone. But I read your thread description and feel right at home.   :)





Hi Guys!

I am really enjoying reading your explorations! I can relate to aspects of each of them.

Alex - Your dreams are really powerful! This part stuck out for me... " It almost seemed pointless at some point trying to go away, as that character would always catch up with me. "  

I had a dream a while back where I was constantly being chased by a bear...at some point in the dream I finally stopped running from it and turned around and looked at it ...and it hugged me! I wondered if maybe there is some aspect that hasn't been fully embraced - something this character wants to show you about yourself? 

I also loved what you said about the importance of attuning to the joy and lightness in daily life as well!!

Focus has been a big word for me lately...I have felt like I can't seem to find the focus to stay with anything outwardly...nothing really feels completely fulfilling even though I enjoy lots of things...I can't find the drive to engage with one thing for very long.  It's bringing up a feeling of frustration as I feel an urge to really commit and dive completely in...yet to what? It's occurred to me as I am writing this, that the Soul is inviting deeper inner commitment - aha! Though I admit I would really love to pour myself into one vehicle of expression...no answers at the moment =). 

Paul...all I can say is ABSOLUTELY AWE INSPIRING!!! I am so touched by your sharing! I have always imagined how hard that must be when someone feels responsible for the material well being of others AND the Soul is calling them to follow the less traveled path. Your courage, commitment and perseverance lend strength to me as I go through my own challenges. Also, I must say, you have a knack for story telling!!! 

Much love to you!


Hi Paul - thankyou from the bottom of my heart  for sharing your story Heart - I would commend everyone connecting with Openhand to read it. Because 3 crucial lessons jump out so strongly in terms of breaking out of the old paradigm and really trusting in the journey of the soul.

Here's the first one:

When you start to follow guidance, BOTH the aligned side of your being will speak AND the shadow side. So you'll create synchronicities that reflect both. Here's the critical thing to discover which is aligned: the shadow side will play either on your fears ("you shouldn't do this because"), the requirement for safety, the logical side or what's the accepted norm. With the aligned side, it will deeply test your trust.

So it will not seem logical or wise to 'give up that job'. There'll be a zillion reasons why 'it makes sense' to continue in the old reality. And everyone around you will be telling you to do 'the sensible thing' (often because it also challenges their security in the Old Paradigm). But most often, that's NOT what the soul is calling for. Let's be clear, to break free of this density completely, the soul will test you to the limit.

The second in breaking free:

The internal affects of blockages that you'll confront. When you confront karmic density, it will often manifest as some 'life-threatening condition' that means you 'just have to stop going forwards (breaking through)'. Often a heart conditon will arise because people aren't truly following the heart. You put it perfectly Paul...

"The next morning I went all Dr. Google on it, and literally every one of the symptoms lined up exactly with a serious form of hernia which had dire short term repercussions, and could only be fixed via immediate surgery."

It's all energy! And as you experienced, if we dare to confront it and not be limited by the fear, then breakthrough can happen...

"I feel into the physical pain again, and a scene from the movie Batman Begins hits my Youtube feed.  The protagonist has to climb out of a pit, but he keeps failing and falling, crashing against the walls with his rope harness.  I watch it and it catalyzes what I'm feeling even more.  Frustrated and broken and angry, he finally asks a sage for wisdom...

“Make the climb.  As the child did. 

Without the rope!”

And so often when you do breakthrough, that 'life threatening condition' miraculously vaporises like some distant desert mirage!

Here's the third in knowing which path to choose...

If you are bringing up density, constriction and fear, if your path TURNS RIGHT INTO IT, then you're following the right path. Even if that is only until the point you explode the myth of it. Because just as soon as you do, the soul will break through and the signs/synchronicity will change and evolve. The path will take directions you'd not imagined or considered.

Finally, I leave you with this great story about breaking free from "Illusions" by Richard Bach:

dragonfly 2Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. The current of the river swept silently over them all -- young and old, rich and poor, good and evil -- the current going its own way, knowing only its own crystal self.

Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current was what each had learned from birth.

But one creature said at last, "I am tired of clinging. Though I cannot see it with my eyes, I trust that the current knows where it is going. I shall let go, and let it take me where it will. Clinging, I shall die of boredom."

The other creatures laughed and said, "Fool! Let go, and that current you worship will throw you tumbled and smashed against the rocks, and you will die quicker than boredom!"

But the one heeded them not, and taking a breath did let go, and at once was tumbled and smashed by the current across the rocks.

Yet in time, as the creature refused to cling again, the current lifted him free from the bottom, and he was bruised and hurt no more.

And the creatures downstream, to whom he was a stranger, cried, "See a miracle! A creature like ourselves, yet he flies! See the messiah, come to save us all!"

And the one carried in the current said, "I am no more messiah than you. The river delights to lift us free, if only we dare let go. Our true work is this voyage, this adventure."

But they cried the more, "Savior!" all the while clinging to the rocks, and when they looked again he was gone, and they were left alone making legends of a savior.

I take my hat off yo you Paul - a great example to everyone.

Open The Sun Emojivoltage emoji iconPraying Emoji

In reply to by .Jen

I can so relate to what you are saying Jen . After a particularly intense last week ,right now I seem to lack purpose. I am feeling lost and quite at wits end because I don’t really feel like doing much of anything . There is so much to do. I feel like time is ripe for a change and that the change is going to take me in a new and exciting direction . And yet ,I don’t seem to have to do anything but the most mundane of tasks. In an effort to deepen into this period i have embarked on a stringent cleanse ,but surprisingly I still feel the same. I am finding it very hard to be motivated at all. 

It’s almost like my soul wants to rest for a while. 

Paul ,what an inspirational piece. I am so awestruck by the manner in which you have transitioned into a new life . I feel like i am the cusp of another transformational journey myself. I am a little tired of working in this hospital and am wondering if my ability to set up and train personnel might not be more of service in places far away from Delhi. I am looking at some pretty far away places where there is a position . My husband is on board ( In his words -I heard a click when you said it ). But I wonder at what that would mean for my family structure and general living circumstances. I confess I am very comfortable in my current job -perhaps too comfortable ? I make good money ,love my workplace and my babies and best of all I have the time away from hospital. I am also mulling over what else to do in my life right now. I am seeing a lot of 7777 recently whenever I ask the Universe to show me .

Thank you all for your reflections on Ray 1 -its seems like a struggle for me to embody it right now .


Hi guys and gals,

 I’ve also been following this thread on the sidelines and it won’t be a big surprise for you to know that quite big shifts are taking place here at my end as well. I’m actually scared shitless right now, as I can literally feel the Earth moving underneath my feet...

I came across this song today, that I hadn’t heard before. It just feels so appropriate to share it with you guys, especially You, Paul. I knew You had it in you. Well done!

All my Love,



In reply to by Eric.

Paul, I really don't know what to say, other than thank you very much for sharing that! And that I'm glad that you felt comfortable enough to share! So illuminating!

As I was reading I found myself constantly wondering "and what happened next"? again and again! Very fascinating sharing and your commitment to following your soul to break free of so much  is defineltely something that I will remember when the time comes for me!

Wishing you the best from the heart!

Alex :) 

In reply to by Open

Hi Open,

Yes, what you say does make sense - widening the periphery view whilst in action. What has been difficult for me, is that it is much easier to follow the flow when going slower and being more open, compared to when being foccused and going fast. It's much easier for the mind to take over and ignore the subtle syncronicities.

And as you say, I can definetely see that a period of opennes and ray 2 was being invited for some time, and I allowed that, but now I am recognising that it's time to move on to a different configuration, more foccussed expressive and scientific is my general sense.

Thank you! And my best wishes! :)


In reply to by .Jen

Hi Jen,

Thank you for sharing your dream - I really loved it; when you stopped running away and the bear hugged you I had to smile! Very fascinating! And last night I had a similar dream, probably activated by your sharing! There was "Sherlock Holmes" running away from someone, up and away, avoiding bullets etc. He seemed to have lots of energy and the one chasing him couldnt catch him. When the chaser (was it batman?) stopped chasing him, Sherlock approached him, with all his power (like fire). And as soon as he approached the chaser (touched him) the latter just got so much energy so much fire he was proppeled upwards. With so much energy, and so much power. And he went so high! There was this sense of suriprise of how  unexpectedly powerful he became!!! And much more powerful than Sherlock who was on the ground watching in surprise!

That definetely makes me want to go and find that aspect of mine and reunite with it! It is probably the ray 1 we have been exploring here!!! 

Thank you for connecting and sharing!

Alex :) 


Wow. Thank you so much - I can’t even describe how much your words mean to me. If you remember, our exchange on your thread really catalyzed my reintroduction with the divine Mother energy - and that REALLY helped kick off a lot of the shifts I’ve been given to make. It was an amazing feedback loop for me that you were first to respond when I put my story out there, totally uncertain on how it would resonate. :)


Holy crap you put my sharing on the front page highlights! You always inspire and catalyze and support and I don’t know how you do it. An odd feeling for a leap of faith to combine with making a climb - but the paradox makes sense now.  I was driving home two days ago after some MAJOR processing, which you very nicely nudged me into from the cliff’s edge. A small pond showed up on my GPS system in the exact shape of a “thumbs up,” and I knew it was you.



Your Dreamtime is absolutely fascinating and is chock full of messages and hidden gems - they apply so directly to what I’m experiencing currently too - it’s uncanny! Thanks so much for allowing me the space and support on your thread to go out on a limb and share like this. Your ray 5 strength really jumps out to me, and the whole Let’s Express thread has a cohesiveness and openness to it that I find both comforting and inspiring. 


I have been seeing lots of 777’s lately too! And you have been in my thoughts a lot lately. I can realllly empathize with experiencing restlessness in where you are but I hope you don’t beat yourself up about it as much as I do. It’s like I’m never “doing” enough! As fast paced as the medical world must be, it’s gotta be ok to accept some level of comfort sometimes too!  :) I will say that acknowledging my own restlessness and exploring why it was there really kickstarted my Ray 1 early on though. ⚡️❤️


Thank You from the bottom of my heart. I LOVED the Song you shared with me.  In fact I can’t stop listening to it.🌷

In reply to by Eric.

Hi Paul,

I'm right there with you brother!  Thank you for sharing your courageous story, I’ve been on the fence with my living situation and you helped inspire me to take the leap of faith.  The universe has been telling me that i must have faith and trust I will be taken care of,  that i must give notice that I’m not renewing my lease on my apartment before my new place will present itself!    That if I have faith and take the plunge the resources will be available to me for what I want to do, Ive been told i must have faith and not wait for my review to give notice. 

This is all a little scary for me cause I’m a logical person, I like to have my next place in hand before I give notice that I’m moving.  I have faith the right place will land and be there for me. 

I know you’ll find the perfect job and have the resources you need to take care of your family.   The fact your pain went away once you gave notice is a sign to me you’re moving in the right direction. 


Evening Scott,

Really honored that my story helped you off the fence my friend! Brother actually; I like that.  :) I trust that the Universe will come up and meet you at the right new place at the right time.

Synchronicity is the biggest thing that gives me the courage to act when logic and comfort say otherwise. And if the Universe says something enough for ME to notice, It’s usually pretty emphatic and repetitive by that point, so I figure I better pay attention. Plus it’s always an adventure!

Open’s classic “Show me!” really really helps.

There’s another thing Open says in his Breaking Through Subconscious Limitations video that has always stuck with me:

Your degree of commitment determines the speed at which you can break through.

I’m in awe of your commitment - between shifting your living arrangements with a leap of faith and planning to attend not one but two Openhand events, you’re poised for all kinds of integration!

Thanks Scott!

Hi Open, Paul and everyone,

Paul, thank you for your kind comments above, and for reflecting the ray 5 – it’s something that the synchronicities have shown me that it’s time to express, along with the ray 1.  I’m taking your compliments as an encouragement to share a little bit more of my recent realisations.

I have recently came to realise about a very big aspect of my ego – if not the biggest one. And that is, that of a “little child”. A little child that needs acknowledgment, permission to do anything. A child that cannot trust himself, because he hasn’t been trusted to things without the help of others. (I say help, but in this case, it’s further than the boundary, where help becomes disempowerment). So this child’s parents, never trusted either – so they were over-protective. Yes, based on their care and love, but it was to the extreme, where there was no trust. To the extent that when possible, his parents wouldn’t allow any danger / challenge / uncertainty. So my inner child does not know if he can trust himself. Shall I go this way or that way? Is one of my biggest dilemmas, because I learned to wait for permission from an adult. I could not trust myself, because I was not trusted by others, because they could not trust themselves and the universe!

So when I was young I was not trusted to do things my way. I was not trusted to make mistakes and find my own way. I was disempowered by having a way, not “imposed”, but shown onto me, along with all the reasons why – because if you go this way you will face this danger. If you do it that way, you will face this struggle. So the best way to do it is this! I was not allowed, to a very large extent, to feel the fear of responsibility. The aliveness that comes with risk. There was always help, support safety net all around me. And I’m grateful for the help – but also feel very disappointed by the disempowerment. Because it’s easy to get too comfortable in the support and help. It’s too easy to become comfortably numb. And now I can feel the frustration and anger, as the warrior energy wants to come through and establish boundaries, and sovereignty. “Sovereign Recovery” and “Independence”, and “Financial Independence” has been coming my way.

So I attended this workshop, which literally had a list, of all the kinds of strategies of this “identity type” has. The identity which has not been allowed to be capable. And it comes with all kinds of sabotaging strategies, to prove that “I can’t be capable”. Lack of commitment, underachieving, raising the standards too high, being “wishy washy”. It hurts to write, and see it.  And there is also some shame surrounding this – being supported so much, when others are having a difficult time.

But, at the end of the workshop, I was given an opportunity to express confidence in myself. I saw and expressed the inductiveness (meant to say indecisiveness!) , fear, need for permission, the need to know if this is the right or wrong…To feel the risk, fear and aliveness of stepping into the unknown. To find and express trust in myself and the universe! And this required to take a very risky action where I knew I was not going to be supported. But it felt so empowering. And such a powerful expression of the yearning for soul sovereignty.

Open, in a previous post you asked whether I was aware of anything that blocks my ray 1. Well this is definitely a big part of it. And I assume you may be thinking “Yeah he finally got it!” Because it is so obvious once you see it! Thank you!


Hey Alex - a great realisation - wonderful breakthrough The Sun Emoji

Yes, we often talk of people getting too little love in their formative years, but there's the other side of the spectrum too - getting too much 'love' from overprotective parents...

So when I was young I was not trusted to do things my way. I was not trusted to make mistakes and find my own way. I was disempowered by having a way, not “imposed”, but shown onto me, along with all the reasons why – because if you go this way you will face this danger. If you do it that way, you will face this struggle. So the best way to do it is this! I was not allowed, to a very large extent, to feel the fear of responsibility. The aliveness that comes with risk.

Yes! We need to experience the aliveness that comes with risk.


Open Praying Emoji


Hi Alex,

I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for your sharing your realisations about your inner child identity, which resonated with me strongly! The little child that cannot trust itself, because of the over-protective environment in which it was raised, so it learns that it cannot be trusted with responsibility for its own life, always looking for (adult) approval. I would perhaps add something that I personally struggle with in relation to this, namely a sense of guilt for shaking up the comfort zones of others. Many times when I have taken responsibility/sovereignty it was often with choices that challenged the sense of security and certainty of particularly my parents, who would project this my direction with blame, leading to a continuous sense of guilt. So perhaps for me it is not that much waiting for the permission from an adult in the choices that I make, but rather always having the guilt of the ‘harm’ that others might feel if I make particular choices (of course knowing these are their fears and issues to work through and not mine….) and hence not being able to make that choice or choosing something in between to ‘reduce the potential damage’ to others.

Sometimes it is easy to see some of these patterns, yet the actually getting through them can be so hard!


Hi Marije,

Thanks for sharing that you resonated - it's one of the reasons that motivated me to share. I can definitely understand the sense of guilt for shaking other people's comfort zones, and especially with family, when they have known and expected us to behave in the "disempowered" way for years! 

You said: 
" Many times when I have taken responsibility/sovereignty it was often with choices that challenged the sense of security and certainty of particularly my parents, who would project this my direction with blame, leading to a continuous sense of guilt."

I can relate so much with the above description! And I'm wondering, in this case, what might be the truth in the guilt? Maybe as you said to choose something in between? Or maybe stand in one's truth but then don't fight the projections? Maybe there is a self-judgement when we  shake things? For me, in the experience I shared above, I was very selective with whom I shared my empowering action. It did indeed rattle cages, and I received intense judgements and projections. BUT, I have come to realise and embody that what is best for me, is also best for everyone around me and the universe! Because that's what my soul wants! Win-win-win! If I may express that simply below, I would put the advantages of following my truth:

1. It's the best for my growth and spiritual path.

2. It indirectly benefits others as it invites and inspires them to follow their own truth too.

3. It directly gives the people closest to me the opportunity to self-realise by shaking their limiting beliefs (around certainty in this case) and invites them to trust.

(4. Even if judgements and projections come, I get an opportunity to learn how to deal with them and stand in my truth.)

Of course I know this is easier said than done! But once I realised that "what's best for me, is ultimately best for everyone", it helped me massively just go for what I feel is best, no matter the turbulence that it might cause on a surface level - because sometimes that's exactly what might be necessary! It's okay for things to be messy!

Perhaps this might help with the sense of guilt.

All the best,

Alex :) 

I also wanted to share another thing I became aware of.

That is, that there is often self-judgement when I feel tired. In a previous post I shared the self-judgement that I shouldn't be feeling tired. That day, when I went outside, the man at the laundry shop, almost out of nowhere said to me "Because I'm a lazy b...."! I thought that was actually reflecting who I was being.... Only to realise now that it was reflecting my self-judgement! 

It's days like this when the gray energy comes in, and there is little or no energy and motivation to do anything - and yet I know how much I want to accomplish the tasks and my projects. So the self-judgement of lazy comes in, and the resistance to the fatigue. I have probably internalised that judgement from others - and I also see me projecting it outwards - not being understanding when one feels tired and can't do the tasks they have - just because I can't show understanding to myself when this happens to me.

It amazes me to see how one person's projections, can be internalised by another, and then projected onto others having a domino effect of spreading the projections (along with the entities beneath the surface, I suppose)! 



Hi Alex,

So where's the truth in 'lazy'?

I find the authentic creative process comes and goes in cycles, like waves. However the 3D system requires that you be productive during particular times during the week - practically every day!

When you work for yourself, it becomes easier to see the natural rhythms. When you feel less creative, it's fine to take a break. It leaves you better energised when the productive cycle kicks back in. Personally I find I achieve a great deal more that way.

So firstly can you work to accept the times when you feel less productive. And even in the system, can you find ways of slowing down? Then when you do feel productive, really give it maximum energy.

You might find it helps

Open Praying Emoji

Hi Alex, thanks for your inquiry and Opens subsequent reply. Indeed I also notice this self judgement that I'm not doing enough. I think it's about allowing doing to emerge from beingness. Currently I'm painting my house and it turned out to be a monumental task. It all looks very easy when others are doing it. Lol. Anyway I find that I'm at times super motivated to engage in the activity and also be creative in it. When I act from this space of motivation, I find that I'm naturally happy just by engaging. But I also see perfectionism in it and some expectation which makes me want to try hard. And I find that if I engage from this sense of lack, then how much I do, it creates more sense of lack or in other words it will never be enough. Luckily there are no deadlines and hence lot of flexibility and I can complete in my own time and even make experiments. I know it is a lot more difficult engaging and slowing down within the matrix when there are unconscious expectations.
I thought I would paint some more today, but your post urges me to take some time off and maybe take an afternoon nap. 😁

LOL - enjoy the rest Vimal. I'm sure it will be healing and rejuvenating OK Hand Sign

Hi Open, 

In the fast thread, you mentioned dehydration.  This seems quite important as since before the fast I have been feeling dehydrated especially in the night and when i get up in the morning.  


I felt to explore all the nutrients and their sources - electrolytes might be the answer here as I think I do drink plenty of water.  Or maybe there is some nutrient I'm not having adequately.... 


It seems important to explore this...