Life of Eddie

The recent Chicago retreat was very powerful for me having realizations about some of my characteristics. Some which make me feel light and some which make me feel heavy.

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The realizations are hitting hard and fast for me. My wife Tammy and Step Daughter Mary recently got back from Iceland. My daughter has been pushing the idea of mother/daughter tattoos for over a year now. I felt like she was lifting her leg and pissing on her mother to mark her territory by pushing this. I of course resisted very strongly. Mary wanted them to get them in Iceland as a way to remember their trip. When Tammy finally decided to go ahead I had done some processing of my control issues and had partially let go. I LOVE the fact that my wife had the strength to follow her heart even if i did not agree. I also realized that i had always wanted to get inked but was Shit scared of getting a pathogen and the whole experience of tattoos. This fear dates back to my early twenties. I also realized that I have to deal with this head on and get one. I had initially pondered a reminder of my soul family connections. I was driving the other day and realized that no matter how much i projected shit toward my brother or how mean I was he always loves me unconditionally. for 42 years i was trying to control him and he never gave up on me. Then it hit me "Johnny Loves..." That is what I am getting but it is for me and him so it will be in Cryllic letters. Phonetically spelled Джянни Любит… It feels right. I have always Loved him too but refused to show it and covered up my true feelings with a control agenda. The whole situation with Tammy getting tattooed is also control on my part. Mary is just mirroring me. Bless her!!! I love them all more than ever and couldn't be happier!!! At the same time My solar plexus and sacrum are in constant knots as this unfolds the old patterns are coming to light and it hurts like HELL!!! I am Happy and Sad at THE SAME TIME!!! both emotions in fact a full range of emotions are flowing in what feels like multiple simultainious flows. It is very strange and unsettling at the same time. gtg for now Hugs and love to everyone!!!


The boundary situation continues to unfold.... I am granting Gary an easement across my land and the hill will be untouched. Just have to file the paperwork with the register of deeds at the courthouse.

My only brother (4 years younger) has colon cancer. He and I have had a rocky past to say the least. I was the one who held our dysfunctional family unit together as a teenager and most of the years since. My brother has worked very little in his 42 years on earth. Mostly he got support from whoever he could including my parents to this day. 11 years ago he met a woman who gets a disability check monthly for being chronically depressed. They got married and had 7 kids. "The government gives you money if you have kids" is what he says. He has lived with my elderly parents off and on over his whole life. Mom died 7 years ago and dad is 86. They live in a small town 14 miles from me. My brother scraps cars and other things and has the yard full of junk most of the time. The police have issued multiple citations to my dad and brother for the violation of city ordinances. My dad constantly complains about all the junk but will only let me clean up when John moves out for a brief time. 3 times Tammy and I have cleaned the yard up. This has created a lot of problems with John and I. It pisses me off to no end to see him use people because he is too lazy to work and buy what he needs to care for his family. I have built up a huge judgment of him. About 3 years ago I realized that my parents taught him this way of living by their actions. There was always a do as i say not as i do understanding in the house growing up. I struggled with discerning the way to live all of my life. I had to accept that he is doing the best he can with the way he was brought up and his ability to grow or not. Now he is down to 135 pounds at 6'3 and I sense his time is very short. I have done a couple of energy sessions with him. I just witness his energy and allow his body to express what it wants to. No intention or manipulation on my part just holding space. What I felt scares me The only other time i felt that was with an animal at the farm and it passed on the next day. I have not told him what i felt. I am fumbling in the dark to find the right action. Thanks for listening....

Your story captivated my attention Eddie, its just so insightful, didactic of the possibilities and transformations of inner work as it is reflected in the outer and back again and of course oozing wise love. What a shift! And an inspiration.

Waiting to read what happens next!

Sending cosmic vibes with a touch of full Earthingness.


P.S. Lovely to see you in the photos of the Chicago 'pool' of beautiful people.

This evening my wife and I decided to walk up the hill east of our house. It is literally right out our bedroom door. At the top of the hill we discovered that some branches had been cut from one of the trees. We soon discovered another and another and a whole path cut through the trees to our neighbors sons tree house. So I went inside and called Brad and asked him to come and see what had happened. He admitted that it was his kids that had done that. He then told me that he was having a rough time selling his house because the landowner Gary behind us has an easement to drive up his driveway. Then he proceeded to tell me that he was going to cut down all the trees and bulldoze a road through the hill right next to the property line about 80 feet from our bedroom window. I told him he had better get a surveyor out first. His response was "go fuck yourself" That of course increased the tightness in my lower abdomen to a high degree. I told him to have the best of luck and left. I came home and felt the tightness and thoughts of illegal and immoral things ran through my head like the heat from a blast furnace. Then I remembered what Open had said about in martial arts you can soften until your opponent has nowhere to strike. Then after a half hour or so I had a realization that I could just let the landowner behind both of us (Gary) have an easement across my land and there would be no need to cut the trees or bulldoze the hill. So I called him back and told him my idea and that it would save him thousands of dollars. His response was "why would you want to do that?" I told him that the hill meant more to me even though it was on his land than letting some one use my driveway. He called Gary and then told me it sounds like a go but Gary wants to think it over for a couple days.

So a little history on my situation.... When I bought this place from my best friend John in 2000 the easement was on my property. I asked him to switch it to his land the one where my current neighbor Brad lives so I could have my privacy. Then John and his wife sold the house in 2004 to a guy named Jeff. Jeff and his wife would drive their 4 wheeler all over my 20 acres even though I asked them not to. This happened repeatedly until I got really mad one day and said " what the fuck? do you not feel the need to respect my land and privacy" Then they sold to Brad in 2009 and he has lived there since. So there is a real history of neighbors that do not respect my boundaries!!!! And then it hit me. The universe was showing me a giant mirror of how I wasn't respecting boundaries of others. My friends, my wife, coworkers etc. and I was so blind!!!! So in the morning I will be calling Gary to see how he feels and in the meantime try to get some sleep and let go of the "need" for any particular outcome.... wish me luck? Eddie