I am in awe of the power of letting go, asking "show me", and remaining open to the external conditions my soul guides me to. It has been a journey in itself to release judgment towards the events, situations and circumstances that manifest as a result of living from my soul.
Five years ago I left a 30 year monogamous relationship to a wonderful man. We remain good friends, partly due to the fact that our relationship was based on mutually shared strong values. I opened myself to the possibility of a new monogamous relationship 18 months ago. It's true that relationships can be one of the most challenging aspects of our spiritual path, for it is here that our deepest fears and insecurities often arise. This was the case for me as I witnessed a pattern of distortions; fear of abandonment, rejection, not being chosen and not being seen. I deeply desired a relationship with what I called "the man I am to walk in spirit with". Even though I knew every relationship was serving as a mirror, I longed to find that special man whom I would move into a loving and supportive monogamous relationship with.
Earlier this year after a 5 week relationship concluded I looked at how I was approaching relationships with deep and profound honesty. I acknowledged that I was attached to finding my soulmate. Alternative models of relationship were not evident at the time, but I knew deep down that my attachment had me continuously cycling in something that wasn't working for me. So I let go of my vision for spiritual union and asked "show me". Within days I met a man who lives a polyamorous lifestyle. Polyamory translates to loving more than one. It is often perceived as indiscriminate promiscuity which it definitely is not.
Polyamory invites compersion, the feeling of joy in a partner's new relationship. The most distinctive difference I have observed between people who are polyamorous and people who are monogamous is not the amount of intimacy they have, or the kinds of relationships they have, or even the ways in which those relationships develop, it’s in the willingness to talk about relationships; what each person requires from them, tools for building them, and ways for letting them grow in positive directions. So down the poly path I traveled because after all, I am an explorer who is open to endless possibilities. I experienced some challenges as I entered this new lifestyle, the most significant being the realization that I was often efforting to make myself fit, and there was a hierarchy structure present that did not resonate me. Polyamory didn't feel like the right fit so back to letting go and "show me".
Within a short period of time something called relationship anarchy was introduced to me, an approach to relationship that I had not heard of. And then it kept showing up, again and again - of course it did! I'm not partial to the term "anarchy" and have redefined it for myself as relationship authenticity. This approach to relationship questions the idea that love is a limited resource that can only be real if restricted to a couple. We have the capacity to love more than one person, and the love felt for one person does not diminish when love is felt for another. There is no ranking and comparison of partners or relationships in RA, because each individual is equally cherished as is the connection you have with them. Each relationship is independent, and a relationship between autonomous individuals.
I feel called to bring this into the forum because a) it is new for me, b) I am sure there are other Openhanders who are being guided to explore relationships outside of monogamy. I am curious how polyamory and relationship authenticity has melded with the spiritual path of other Openhanders. I am also curious if Openhanders in monogamous relationships are feeling guided to explore a different approach to relationship.
Much love to all,