I didn't know how else to introduce myself to this wonderful community ,so I thought I would start a thread. i have been lurking around Openhand Forums for the last 1 year anonymously thanks to my friend Cathy :) but have really started to "get" the process only in the last 2-3 months .
I am an empath and its only in the last few months do I feel comfortable in that fact . It has taken me this long to learn to accept and process the enormous amounts of sensations and emotions I feel on a daily basis . I am in a profession that actually harnesses my empathic ability beautifully ( I'm a neonatologist and work in a womb like environment with small babies ) but my sensitivity is continually challenged living in a country where there are raptors on the rampage everywhere. Yet, my journey has been quite easy compared to many on this site ( I look at your stories and really feel so lucky-I am incapable of the enormous courage you have!). I am a mother of a wonderful little star seed and Im married to somebody who I used to think of as materialistic but who is continually surprising me with his own internal shifts .
My awakening came in fits and spurts and the last 5 years have been an interesting internal journey . I was meditating sketchily ever since med school ( just to be able to cope with all the sorrow and darkness I was exposed to)but its when I learnt mindfulness meditation that I was able to come home to myself emotionally rather than roam in the mental plane that was far neater than the landscape of my complex emotions . The last few years personal and professional challenges have catalyzed me to embody a lot of the spirituality I read but somehow could not internally access . I am still learning or rather unlearning.In the past 3 months I have been doing the Presence process that has been a revelation in getting to know the unconscious beliefs and sensations that keep me chained. This Process really speaks to me at the phase I'm in and shares a lot with the 9 step process you outline . I am attempting to integrate many uncomfortable emotions and child/teenager selves .I feel like I have recently just turned the corner of the spiral and can see how little I know and how much there is to integrate as far as my conditioning is concerned .
Right now I am feeling unravelled . Very uncertain of myself as my whole being is rocked with mini tremors every time another emotion is integrated.I too have many of the "ascension symptoms " many have outlined with weird aches pains ,tingling buzzing sensations. ( I have this weird sensation as if something is pulsing against my right ear drum right now :) ) Dancing ,walking and playing with my eight year old is what keeps me grounded somewhat though I am frequently overwhelmed .
I am deeply drawn to the Shakti tradition and am also drawn to working with a few women who are in difficult situations as a guide and mentor . I love gardening and composting and have a visceral connect with plants and animals .
I have always had that gnawing feeling like I'm on the wrong planet and now I am happy to be with others of my ilk :) . I have a feeling I will attend an Openhand session soon,I am just waiting for the signs that tell me when it is right .
Finally, the night you accepted me into this circle I dreamt I had gone into the home of an older male pediatrician and was playing on the lawn with his many puppies . Just then two bald eagle one dark and one light came soaring overhead .
Thank you for this work . It is a light that shines for so many like me even half way around the world .
With lots of Love,