"Sword of Truth"...YOUR inner Inquiry?


I've been out traveling and camping on Dartmoor in South West England, opening an inner space that new creativity may flow. It's inspired me to start a new Forum Thread here for everyone to share what happens when you go into stillness and inquire within? My gift is being able to offer an intuitive reflection, so I'll happily offer one if you'd like the feedback.

Feel free to share anything. Someone once said to me..."That was dull, I got nothing!" To which the intuitive reply..."Oh, so you touched the Void of Infinite Potential! Tell me what 'dull' means to the ego?" It usually goes really deep from there!

I felt to share a snippet of my own inquiry with you to get the ball rolling...

My final evening has been spent camping close to a favoured location - Brent Tor, with the Marvelous St Michael's Chapel on top. Generally I'm not too keen on church energy - I find the focused praying usually creates a fuzzy constriction around the head on the plain of the intellect. This time though, they'd installed a new roof on the church several months ago.

So as I sat and breathed, I could feel an expansiveness in the higher chakras. Also it's founded on solid granite rock, so it also felt very grounded and earthed. I got the sense of an excellent bridge between heaven and earth forming. It spoke strongly of the Openhand 'mission' here.

So do share your experiences with the inner inquiry. Even if its simply fuzziness - we'll be sure to bring some clarity to the exploration.

Here's the stunning Stained Glass Window of St Michael in the Brent Tor Chapel. With it, I hand the Sword of Truth over to you. What are you experiencing in the inner world right now?

In loving support

Open heart

Comments

Hi Open,

Thanks for the invitation to share our inner inquiry here. Let me kick-off with my recent inquiry that I have been thinking to share, but then somehow I never found the ‘right place’ and moment, so it is nice to have an open space here.

Things have been feeling quite full-on since coming back from Divinicus, internally feeling like a pressure cooker/fire cracker internally with strong energies sweeping left, right and centre. The art of how to process or contain them, if circumstances require, is probably a bigger challenge for me than the actual energies themselves.

What recently dawned to me is the central role that feelings of guilt for hurting others or making other people feel uncomfortable has played in my life. And how this sense of guilt is a main driver (I should probably say obstacle) behind the choices I make in life, as I unconsciously try to avoid the guilt. I realise this means that in a way I am have a tendency to take responsibility for the feelings of others. When I think about it, this doesn’t make sense, but when I feel into the guilt (painful!), then it does seem to make sense that this is something to be avoided. It used to be a lot worse and I think I have already made quite some ‘progress’ in feeling less guilty when other’s express their discomfort or hurt. When I look back, in the past the avoidance of this guilt seems to have run my life and I used to be an easy scapegoat, because I would immediately and happily take the blame for other people’s discomfort or hurt that they projected on me (and then apologize, a lot of apologizing). Even when I was around people who would just generally be moody, I would wonder what I might have done ‘wrong’ for them to be like that and how I might change my behaviour to ease their discomfort.

This pattern is becoming more and more clear and interestingly the past months I had a few experiences where I expressed in a way that felt authentic, but then got ‘blaming’ projections back from the other side about what I said/did. Rather than feeling guilty about making them uncomfortable and immediately shooting into my usual apology mode, I was able to stay away from the guilt and realise that I wasn’t responsible for their discomfort. By not going into the guilt, I was also able to very clearly ‘SEE’ the pattern of how people project blame outwards to me, when I somehow push their internal buttons. Even though I didn’t respond in the usual way, I was still left with a sense of guilt and contemplating whether I should have chosen my words differently, and then was pleasantly surprised when one person actually got back to me the next day to thank me for inspiring them J (apparently beyond the initial discomfort about what I said, there were some realisations). Reading some of the other recent articles here on the website, I have been wondering whether the black snake energy you talked about, might also be at play here? That when you hit an ‘uncomfortable’ truth in someone, that the black snake energy will project a judgement back at you, about how you are supposed to be (as someone whose buttons I pushed said to me ‘there is something like responsible communication’, as if there is a kind of communication standard that everyone should comply with). Or perhaps it is just in my case that this black snake energy happily feeds of/attaches to my sense of guilt when people project their discomfort back at me?

While I am becoming more aware of such dynamics and the role that guilt plays in it, still remaining ‘bottlenecks’ are also becoming more apparent. I have managed to overcome quite a bit of guilt about hurting others, but I can see there is still a major bottleneck there when it comes to my parents. Particularly as they are getting older, I can feel a strong sense of responsibility for not hurting them unnecessarily and how this is stopping me from making certain choices, because the guilt I would feel over their discomfort would be too painful. This is a dynamic that has been going on for as long as I can remember and I have given them enough discomfort with the choices that I made in life, but I would somehow always go for half-baked choices, halfway between what I really felt to do and what they would have liked, so as to ‘reduce the damage’. It is interesting to observe how when I tune into something that might feel like a ‘right’ choice for me, but potentially something that would make them uncomfortable, the sense of guilt comes in as an interference and then the mind takes over coming up with reasons why perhaps it wouldn’t be such a good idea. For example, I can feel a pull to move out of the Netherlands again, yet I know that particularly my mother wouldn’t be very happy about that (‘then at least stay within Europe’), so here I am still finding myself in limbo…  and my mind finding reasons why I should perhaps stay in the Netherlands a bit longer or at least move somewhere within Europe. And in the end it leaves me confused about the flow and what feels ‘right’ and where the guilt distortion comes in.

Coming back to the internal pressure cooker/fire cracker that I started with, the challenge of how to deal with this is also related to the guilt of making others uncomfortable. If I am honest I couldn’t care less about releasing whatever internal shit wants to come out, but it is often the possible discomfort for those around me that holds me back from doing so (when I am alone, I have no problem ‘dry heaving’ with the craziest noises, as soon as I am in the company of someone, it feels like the heaves get stuck or otherwise come controlled and silently). Recently at Divinicus I went into quite a process at some point, which came with some very primal noises, while the rest of the group was meanwhile doing something else, and I remember overhearing Open reassuring someone, not to worry about the noise I was making, that I was just in a process. I remember the instant tightness I felt, because I was making others uncomfortable. Luckily at that point I was so far into the process, that it wasn’t possible to hold back anymore in response to the tightness J.

Not sure what I was exactly trying to say with my rambling above, but I am just going to put it out here and see how it might resonate with others or not….

Much love to everyone for 2018!

Marije

P.S. Something I felt to add after posting this, is that this guilt also applies to feeling that I can’t be enjoying myself or having too much fun when others are struggling, similarly impacting choices that I make. For example, during the sweat lodge in Australia I quite enjoyed the first two rounds, while others were clearly struggling with the heat. So there was a sense of guilt about my enjoyment and a sense of relief when by the third round I also started to struggle with the heat, because I didn’t have to feel guilty anymore about enjoying myself, while the people around me were ‘suffering’.

Hi Marije!

Well I can relate to you sharing very much!! (not a surprise for you I am guessing lol!)

What you shared here is a dynamic I am quite familiar with

" I can feel a pull to move out of the Netherlands again, yet I know that particularly my mother wouldn’t be very happy about that (‘then at least stay within Europe’), so here I am still finding myself in limbo…  and my mind finding reasons why I should perhaps stay in the Netherlands a bit longer or at least move somewhere within Europe. And in the end it leaves me confused about the flow and what feels ‘right’ and where the guilt distortion comes in."

How can rightness truly happen when there are artificial boundaries put upon it?...it becomes the mind trying to feel for a "rightness" that fits in a particular box...this I imagine stirs up loads of energy inside...I imagine there is loads of frustration, confusion (as you said) and sense of stuckness (limbo as you said). When that happens to me (as it has been over the last very long time), I stay in situations that aren't feeling right for ME but relieve the icky feeling of displeasing or hurting others. It's not easy to initially step through it, but I have found as you did with your friend who called you to thank you for the honesty, that people surprise me when I am true to myself...those who care about me truly do want me to be happy. At some point the pain of staying in the limiting box of others expectations grew stronger than my discomfort with their discomfort. 

Something my daughter shared with me a few years ago has really stuck with me...she had a dream that either she could live or others could live but not both and in the dream she always chose the other. It showed me that I was choosing to support others dreams for me, others needs for me, others needs for how the world needed to be (and teaching my child to do the same)...it came with this realization that I can live, I can have a full life that feels right and satisfying and that doesn't belong to anyone else. AND that has the greatest impact and potential for truly serving the highest good of all. 

Just a little reflection...thank you so much for your sharing - I see so much of my own challenges in it! <3

Much love, 

Jen

hi Marije 

Just to give you some other perspectives - when I recognised your way of energy release I was sooo relieved to see you in action.  I too as you know, have phases releasing in that way- it's not easy to accept at first - and then to be accepted doesn't seem to happen easily. But just to also remind you before we went out on your birthday you let out a beautiful primal release - Premela and a visitor she had at the retreat centre were deeply inspired by it. It's not an easy gift sister - and family, friends and even spiritual folk won't understand - perhaps the guilt has some deep threads though? I'm just here to tell you I see it as a very effective alchemic tool/kriya. Shamans have been moving energy on like this for eons. Unfortunately we don't all have the solitude that would be ideal for these phases but that's ok.

Also the vessel will find new ways and channels to move energy through, I find it changes as we evolve so try not to feel as though it will always be this way. 

I guess some of us are here to work with energy in ways that's not easy to witness to the uninitiated but so be it. Some people will be inspired, some will run for their lives - I guess we work to stay present - staying open hearted to the impact. 

At times I find containment is OK to balance other times I need full permission to release without limitation. As long as the periods of no limitation are given then the containment gets easier too. 

Anyway big hug! 

No doubt the guilt will lead you on an adventure - sending love.

k xx

Hi Marije, 

Just wanted to say, I actually found your processing inspiring - it seemed very clean and complete. I remember thinking ‘I wish I could move stuff like that!’ 

Was thinking whilst reading your enquiry about guilt and wondering if when we carry guilt there’s another emotion under it....?

Lots of love, 

Jennaya

Dear Jen, Katie and Jennaya,

Thanks so much for your feedback and reflections!

Jen, not really a surprise that you could relate indeed, as I can relate very well to your response ;). You wrote ‘the mind trying to feel for a "rightness" that fits in a particular box’, which is so recognizable for me! This is usually where the confusion starts, because the mind will sidetrack me from any sense of rightness that doesn’t fit the unconscious boxes and make things that fit these boxes without a sense of rightness, seem as if they do feel right. As I am writing this I realise that this confusion causes a lot of distrust in myself/self-doubt. When I read your response it seems so easy and obvious to step out of the limiting boxes of others expectations, but in practice it somehow isn’t!

Katie, I was very relieved to find a fellow dry heaver too (which is not an easy gift indeed)! I can feel a strong internal yearning to just drop all the inhibitions and release without limitation. Yet at the same time that feels very scary, because if I would, I would definitely not fit into any of the boxes anymore, other than perhaps that of ‘mad woman’. I have a tendency to be impatient, which can easily make things look very black and white. In this case it makes it seem like either I have to drop everything at once or otherwise I am going to remain hopelessly stuck in the boxes forever.... It would probably be better to focus on smaller steps and see if I can release one box at a time... 

Jennaya, thanks! Interesting question about whether there is any other emotion underneath the guilt. There are two things that spring to mind, namely fear of punishment and the discomfort of feeling the pain of others. I should explore that further!

Meanwhile, exactly 20 years after becoming a vegetarian, I ‘officially’ switched to fully vegan at the start of the New Year. I was already eating about 90% vegan for the past years and only cooking vegan myself, but in the company of others I would still eat vegetarian if necessary. Again only to avoid feeling the discomfort of others about what to cook or what I would eat when no vegan options are available, as well as the constant ‘why’ questions, which I still remember so well from when I switched to a vegetarian diet. I already feel a bit apprehensive about the ‘confrontations’ and questions that I am surely going to face as a consequence of this new resolution for 2018 J 

Much love,

Marije

In reply to by Marye

Hey Marije! 

oh yes, what a challenge it is! How often I can see the distortion, can feel what is invited and then once the "play" button is pressed on the program, it can take enormous courage to honor what feels right inside and be the flow through it .  It can look like nothing from the outside...such a simple thing to overcome, yet the patterns are quite sticky and feel oddly attractive to stay stuck within. 

In my present experience, I am feeling challenged to bring my honest expression into the open...especiallly to express the grief I have been experiencing. Historically I haven't trusted people to be there for me, (that I am supported - that I can trust I am met), and have put on the  "I am totally fine face". Many around me are comfortable with ignoring the pink elephant in the room, mirroring and reinforcing my own behavior, as presently it helps me avoid feelings of shame and embarassment for the direction life is moving. Working to resolve these feelings inside of me - embracing the ride of releasing what I know is right to release and accepting the reflection of loving support from close friends. Interestingly I keep finding that the smallness I feel in this place where I stay silent and pretend all is well invokes such physical discomfort - I may be emotionally protected (seemingly), but I am contracting and shrinking and hiding in a way that I now find painful. There has been and continues to be intense pressure in my heart, an aching sense of gravity pulling inward and expanding outward. I have been finding a way to express what i feel from my heart, be real and true to my experience...a lot of me doesn't want to do that...lots of childhood needs of protecting my parents, maintaining their (my) perceptions of my perfection etc...but everytime I find such freedom in exploding the myth of my containment...I feel more and more supported in breaking down my self-held together boxes. I do feel it takes walking through it bit by bit at first and then there does seem to be a momentum...and a burning...old structures that catch fire and burn away.  

Sending you love on your journey and honoring your honesty and courage!!

Jen

Hi Marije, 

I thought about guilt some more this morning ! :) 

I really don't enjoy this word! 

Do you feel past life stuff in "namely fear of punishment and the discomfort of feeling the pain of others"?

On reading I felt some of my own maybe your's too?

Love and big hugs,

Jennaya ? 

 

 

So, we're well into the NewYear, where many a 'new year's resolution' has already bitten the dust. Haleluyah!

Instead, why don't we just inquire within, and bring awareness to what is. Rather than overriding with some intention, often based on sense of lack or non acceptance.

To truly inquire within requires great patience. Because you start hitting inner layers which will have distortion in them. You often hear the analogy of 'peeling off the layers of an onion'. It's a good metaphor, but incomplete. Because it's about reclaiming the lost fragments of soul, concealed within each layer, BEFORE you actually peel off the layer.

So what you're looking for, are subtle vibrations, subtle senses and feelings. To me this is far more important than the "cosmic light" and far out astral experiences. Get used to scanning internally, every day, and at different times during the day, until you're doing it most of the time. Then work on the subtle vibrations and feelings. 

What is the purpose, how do you work?

Notice a vibration or feeling and pay attention to it. Work deep in without trying to understand what it is about or what it causes. Work into it until you embody it with your awareness - this is the point where you start to 'explode' it up into your outer reality (it's already been subtly affecting it anyway). Now go out into the world and witness the affects it has - what synchronicities and reflections does it draw to you? Now see your distortion and the true sense of soul embedded within. Work to embody the fragment of soul. Then dissolve the distortion using something like the Openhand Breakthrough Approach

I was working with this yesterday on a train to Gatwick airport. I have been exploring how to catalyse but with as much empathy as possible. The inquiry manifested by finding myself surrounded by a group of exhuberant and quite loud teenagers. They were 'bitching' about someone they knew, and being pretty unkind - of course this is what it can be like at that age and in community groups. As they spoke of the character they were bitching about, it's like I opened an empathic bridge to the person - I could feel the quirky maverick misfit that this person was, and I felt great compassion for them. And I felt sadness too, that people would judge in this way. So I stepped carefully into the conversation and floated the question.... "have you ever considered that everything I see is a reflection of me?" 

It had a massive impact. First there was quietness, then a could sense resistance and antagonism from some, but one amongst them shone light from her eyes and a beaming smile - "yes of course, it's the law of attraction". The idea had landed in the group. They soon got off, but I had the sense something had landed and worked - that an inquiry would begin.

So what are you working with at the moment?
What happens in your outer environment as you work in?
What priceless nuggets of soul gold are you being invited to integrate?

In loving support

Open HeartPraying Emoji

I have been going through some darkest days recently and was feeling somewhat 'beaten' and putoff by it. Hence wanting to activate the old patterns just for the sake of it. When i read your post i got the sense that the hidden quality is deeper acceptance and surrender. The shift and difference was subtle but palpabale. 

Hi Open,

Thanks for offering to give intuitive guidance. This article is a bit old so I am keeping my fingers crossed that you will get to read my comment.

I often try to sit in stillness. The experience is not always the same - but there is one particular experience that I find troubling. 

I can feel a pipe-like connection from the back of my neck (base of the skull) or from the crown of my head. This connection creates a sense of sluggishness and drowsiness (lack of clarity) in me. It somehow does not feel good to me. I wonder what I am connecting with. 

I find it troubling because I can sometimes feel my energy being depleted and there is a vibration around the base of the skull (and at times also at the top of my head) when that happens. These are the same places where I feel the pipe-like connection when I sit in stillness.

Thanks Parag 

Greetings Parag,

What you've described sounds very much like an energetic implant - in the 4th Density causal body. They're designed to limit and disempower from full soul sovereignty. How to deal with this?

The first thing is to realise that ALL people have these - it's just most are unconscious of them because they haven't yet expanded into the causal body. So this is nothing that is special to you. In fact it's a good thing that you're feeling it - because it means (a) your consciousness has expanded into the 4th density (b) when you can feel it, you're ALREADY becoming free of it.

Here are some practical steps  be for dealing with implants...

1. First totally accept that it is there. It will likely feel unpleasant to know that this is in your field and purposefully placed there so as to limit - who on earth would do such a thing? The energy behind it is a parasite, just like humanity treats animals in the industrial food chain - something to thoroughly digest. When people ask me "why is this happening to me?" "Why did I manifest it?" I'll often ask... are you still eating meat and dairy? One is the direct reflection of the other - exploiting other sentient life for our own ends.

2. So the second point would be to contemplate why your manifested it? Take your power back by realising where your own internal blind spots are - where do you go unconscious un your day-to-day behaviourisms? Because these implants and the entities that operate them can only come into our field because we're not fully integrated through it. In which case, in a way, they're bringing awareness into your own unconsciousness and therefore serving a valuable purpose to the Universe - contemplate that deeply.

3. Once you've found total acceptance, to the degree where you don't even need to get rid of it, then you're ready to work on removing it yourself. This does require some practice and skill, but in working with it, you'll develop your consciousness at working in the 4D field no end. Feel deep into it - what is it like? If you had to describe its qualities what would they be? It is organic or metallic? What's the colour? Most important - where does it fix to you? (I see you've already begun to intuit this).

4. When you sense how it attaches, use your intuition to break the anchoring ties. This could be by melting them with heat, blowing through them with the breath, peeling them off with an energetic hand. Go with what you're intuition tells you. It's important not to force though or get angry. Do get wilful - yes. However stay grounded in your body, and get the sense your pushing it out in the 4D, but don't let your focus pull you into the 4D - in other words, stay rooted and grounded, calm and centred. Then the implant should come away.

5. As the implant comes away, give it to the angels - just by opening your heart and asking. They will know what to do with it.

6. Be aware that there will likely be one, or multiple, entities attaching to it, which will have been bleeding your energy - why you've felt dull. Be willful internally - they don't belond in your field. But work to be non-judgmental - or else anger simply creates polarity, which is another conduit they can come in on.

7. If you struggle at all, get back to me, and I can recommend a facilitator to work with. Alternatively do think about coming on one of our events - we help people remove entities and implants and the soul integrates and infuses.... Openhand Advanced Courses & Events

Wishing you well

Open OK Hand Sign

Hello Open,

Thank you for the detailed reply. You make a very good point - there must be something in my own unconsciousness that is causing this to manifest. I don't know what it is but I will sit in silence with that thought. Hopefully, something will come up.

I am trying to find acceptance with the situation - it's hard, but I'm trying. What I find hard to deal with is the sense of injustice. As long back as I can remember (in this life), I wanted to live a simple life and live in alignment with my Soul and The Divine. So it all feels very painful, strange, and bizarre to have to deal with such attachments as well as what feels like other people's thoughts and impulses manifesting in my own energy field. But I see your point - I must have done something in a past life to manifest this in my current life.

I'll work on the technique you mentioned. I am also learning certain healing techniques that are helping me clean my energy.

Thanks for taking the time to help!!!

I'd love to come for one of your events. Do you have any workshops planned for India?

Thanks Parag

Hi Open,

At the moment I seem to be processing a lot of feelings of loneliness. 

My partner and I broke up 4 months ago - this caused a fair bit of grief, but seeing as we're still living together and spending a lot of time with the kids as a family it's been a fairly smooth transition. I've got a small room in a nearby apartment block which I will start renting in May so I also have a little space to myself which is much needed. However, a couple of days ago we talked about splitting up the finances which brought on a whole new wave of grief for me.

This is all amplified by me feelings of not being able to connect with those around me. My german is now good enough to be able to hold reasonable conversations with people, despite there being many deeper concepts that are still really hard to express. But, the moment I'm in a group situation everyone speaks really quickly over the top of each other and in strong dialect and I pick up very little.  The last few days I've been on a course and everyone is getting along really well laughing and having fun with each other - but it's really isolating when I'm the only one who doesn't understand the banter and have to get everything explained to me. 

For me loneliness is not being by myself - I never feel lonely then.  For me it's caused by being surrounded by people that I'm not able to connect with.

So that's what I'm going through right now. There are lots of positive things in my life too, but the feeling of not being able to connect with people here is underlying almost all aspects of my life. 

Rich

Hi Rich - I feel for you, thanks for sharing - and I can assure you, I do know that one myself! Praying Emoji

If I'm ever in that place, I always use it as an opportunity to sit back and observe - to feel the interplay and dance of souls. How might that work for you do you think?

Open Heart

Hi Open,

Yes I've often done this - noticing where the energy goes, who is looking to express, what triggers it may cause in other people, the interplay of the different rays and how that works between people, any non-verbal communication that's happening and the different levels of connection between people. 

It's interesting for sure, but then I tend to switch off completely from the outer conversation and so if anyone does try to involve me I'm completely lost. It's really tough to be aware of so many different planes at the same time. 

It's been the case since childhood - when I don't feel I can connect with people, I just observe - but there seems to be quite a deep wound there because of this.

Do you notice if you go out of body?
If you notice a degree of that, then it could well be karma, in which case it would be good to go right into the heart of it as it's happening.

Open OK Hand Sign

 

It doesn't always happen, but yesterday I had a strong reaction to it and then I definitely did go out of body. I might be able to take myself off on a toilet break and work with it if I'm in the middle of the course. 

Thanks Open

 

 

Hey Richard,

I just read your posts. Holding a space for you while you're pulling more threads out. The energy of what you are experiencing with the group now seems like the energy of what went on in your childhood. I remember you shared that during the Transfiguration in Glastonbury. Also, the sense is that there is "too much to bear" before you zoom out. The last one might be just my filter as I do that sometimes, but maybe not.

With love,

Margaret

 

The biggest challenge for me is dealing with the every day agenda be it shopping, working and other stuff, even meditation may have an agenda of its own when mind gets in a way of what exercise to do next. It is challenging to embody - "I will not do a single thing unless it is coming from my soul"  No agenda feels like freedom but not completely possible for me right now.  I feel there is a way to work through/with agenda and still be able to embody great deal of the higher self.  I even feel like it could be fun to bend or ditch the agenda.

Energetically, there seem to be some dissonance through my body.  Strong pressure in the head which seems to be connected somewhere in the back/spine.  Sometimes it feels very strange to be around people or public places when i feel that.  Becomes stronger and distracting when meditating or lying down.  Still integrating from  the La Palma trip.  Sometimes, i feel like i am stuck but guess this is just part of the process.

With Love,

Anatoly

 

Hi Anatoly,

Yes the agenda one is a big 'nut' to crack. What you could perhaps do is set aside more time for "free wheeling" - at least two (ideally three) half days a week, then let the flow take you and see what happens. Also interrupting agendas - allowing yourself not to make a certain objective. I think these things would help.

Open Thumbs Up SignThe Sun Emoji

Hello Open,

I hope and believe you are having a great time in the midst of today's turbulences!

For me much is happening as well as unfolding on the path. I'm currently reading the book "Sri Aurobindo" by Satprem. In one chapter, essentially, he is describing that we should not just rise our vibration and freeze in nirvana, but manifesting "heaven on earth". The extent we rise up high is the extent we have to and will(!) fall down. So this was striking, and since then I daily get more signs that this is manifesting now for me.

So when I'm in uncomfortable situations, physical stress, pain, boredom etc. I fully feel into my body, seeing all this as experiences of my souls journey and at times when I widen my view, meaning seeing the bigger picture I slightly get a little smile on my lips. :-)

Now I'm at a point where I accept the manifesting kinds of "sufferings" as integral parts on my path. The resulting "rise ups" are of a whole new quality. The simple things in life, when I'm aware of them, give me expanded experiences of freedom. Just sitting and breathing, watching nature and feeling into it, eating vegetables and watching the sun, so softly...

Feeling and enjoying life as it is, ever expanding, up and down, is what is happening now on my path. If you Open or someone other gets a feeling to respond, you are welcome to say whatever is true for you! :-)

Thank you for being here and best wishes to everyoneHeart

Sascha

Hey Rich :) 

Really feel you, with the wanting to connect but can’t quite. 

I’m doing a stint in a work place I worked ten years ago - I felt an outsider when I arrived, not wanting to engage, be drawn in. It made other people uncomfortable and I felt alone. So over past couple of weeks I’ve slotted in to some extent. It is nice to be with people but it feel ls like I’m betraying myself to some extent. 

I did a faciliatation session this morning with Margaret. What came up was something karmic or maybe primordial - connection/separation. 

There’s been a couple times something in life caused me to really feel it - it felt like I was dying. It didn’t feel like a survival (living or dying) thing but I think hit me at the heart level. 

Feels like quite an art to feeling right into things without big trigger to catalyse. 

.....

Lots of love to you, 

Jennaya ?

Hi Sascha,

It's lovely to hear from you - great that you tuned in. Thumbs Up Sign

I completely resonate with what you're saying and experiencing...

We should not just rise our vibration and freeze in nirvana, but manifesting "heaven on earth". The extent we rise up high is the extent we have to and will(!) fall down.

Now I'm at a point where I accept the manifesting kinds of "sufferings" as integral parts on my path. The resulting "rise ups" are of a whole new quality. The simple things in life, when I'm aware of them, give me expanded experiences of freedom.

That's exactly the point! Everyone is here to process karma - where the soul has gotten buried in the river of (3D) life. So we have to dig deep into the density to retrieve those "nuggets of soul gold". And with each retrieval, we're going to experience beautiful expansions.

Wishing you well

Open OK Hand SignPraying Emoji​​​​​​​

Deep resonance with the sense of disconnection you have felt while with others Rich and in antithesis, the connection while on ones own. I know in my case it is karmic and because of life's flow and increasingly seeing everyone as the manifestation of Spirit, the sense of disconnection has been transmuting into connectivity. When feeling disconnection, unlike you or others who may tend to come out of body, the tendency for me has been to come into my body fully, into the pain of disconnection, not even observe the outer, and at least in the past, get locked/stuck in there because paradoxically it/the separation from out there felt connected and somehow comfortable.

I love what you say Sascha that the sufferings are an integral part of the journey. And so is disconnection and feelings of separation. I see 'sufferings' as a vibrating, alive experience that I am called to allow it to flow through me. Some 'sufferings' are stickier than others depending on karmic conditioning but the allowing to just be and expanding around the 'suffering' while it is there is the ground where transmutation - the Natural, Universal Law of change as Open describes - takes place. And Sascha, I LOVE this:

So when I'm in uncomfortable situations, physical stress, pain, boredom etc. I fully feel into my body, seeing all this as experiences of my souls journey and at times when I widen my view, meaning seeing the bigger picture I slightly get a little smile on my lips. :-)

So, to me, if agenda is happening in the moment because there is intention, then the invitation is to expand around it and see what it wants to become. I also have felt that 'trying to live without any agenda' is itself an agenda. The Form (Agenda) and the Formless (Free flow). One or the other?? What if the invitation is to drop fixations to one or the other?? And to allow deeper connection and trust to arise...

Wise Love x

Hi all,

Thanks for the lovely messages.

Margaret - I feel your connection here, thank you. It's not so much of a 'too much to bear' feeling but more of a disengaging from the the outside - kind of like, 'f@#k this!' It feels a bit like being a sulky teenager ;) There's also quite a connection between this and separating with my partner - I certainly observe a need triggering for a 'special someone' - still, I'm in exactly the right scenario to work with that now.

Jennaya - I feel you with that one. I have often felt this dissonance with, on one hand a desire to connect with people, and on the other hand a deeper, more soul lead feeling to be more in myself. When you said it felt like dying for you, could it be some kind of identity that was dying?

Aspasia - Lovely to hear from you. Yes, it's funny that the feeling of lonliness is not really there when being alone - perhaps the separation of relativity is just much more noticeable when around other people. I do resonate with what you're saying about staying in the body too. For me it's like a 'safe place' which always feels right even during times of great pain.

Dear all,

Thanks everyone for your sharings, I resonate with most shared above! Particularly, the sense of loneliness when surrounded by people that I don’t connect/resonate with and the challenging nut of agendas. Growing up in a culture that is probably most attached to their agendas and planning to their lives months in advance, I often struggle with the tension between just feeling to go with the flow and people around me wanting to arrange things long in advance, leaving little room for spontaneous or last-minute encounters (actually some people might even get throw off by such encounters disrupting the predictability of their lives J). Somehow there is a fear that if I don’t comply with the need of others to schedule things long in advance, I will be left behind very lonely, because nobody will be available anymore by the time I am interested in a spontaneous encounter. I can feel I still have some work to do here in letting go of this fear and to trust that even if I don’t plan in advance the spontaneous encounters will come my way….

My personal inquiry at the moment has been about self-judgement. I am quite a star in judging and beating myself up for pretty much anything. Recently, I have been observing how my mind has a creative and wild imagination that creates ‘evidence’ and possible scenarios that are fuelling the self-judgement, which can turn something relatively minor into a huge self-imagined drama that I then beat myself up about. And that without all the crazy imagination there would be a lot less to judge myself about, so somehow I make myself the ‘victim’ of my own creations!

Related to self-judgement, I have been having an inquiry around the difference between a judgement versus an intuitive feeling. When is an intuitive feeling that you speak/call out a judgement or when does it become one? It has happened to me on a number of occasions that I would voice an intuitive feeling and found myself being ‘blamed’ for being judgemental. My sense is that in a lot of (spiritual) circles judgement is seen as something bad that is to be avoided and looked down upon, and I wonder whether therefore when some uncomfortable ‘truth’ is being expressed, it is easily labelled as being a judgement, because it can then easily be discarded without the discomfort of actually having to look into it further?

Heart

Thank you for your support Open! I really get the feeling now of what you always meant by "soul gold retrieval". I'm sure much will happen until we meet again, so I will continue reading your posts, as every day... Smliing

I really appreciate your response Aspasia. Your words give me a warm and supported feeling! What really gets me is this:

I also have felt that 'trying to live without any agenda' is itself an agenda. The Form (Agenda) and the Formless (Free flow). One or the other?? What if the invitation is to drop fixations to one or the other?? And to allow deeper connection and trust to arise...

After some inner inquiring I come to a similar answer... From everyday observation, there is actually no right or wrong, but always a synthesis of both. I'm thinking of the "rise up and fall down" again. There must be a individual balance in everything! How can God be one but not the other, when we are meant to realise him holistically in creation? So I better see my "negative" behaviours as part of me. SURE! On the one hand they contain some truth to be realised, pointing me where I should put my awareness on to work on it, but on the other hand I really see it now as something humans just have. We are not perfect, but individuals, with corners and edges! For example I just do like to eat a lot, it's more like still holding a balance, watching for attachments and experience the enjoyment, than just dropping it as something "false" or "ungodly". I really feel that we must live our individuality, the souls as well as the one our ego expresses. So both will come to a divine union.

It really helped me realising this, as you mentioned it. Thank you warmly!Heart

Often there is the knowledge inside but I need someone to kick them out into the world of words... :-)

I wish you all a wonderful day! The Sun Emoji

Sascha

Great to hear from you Marije!  Self judgement is a big one for as well and resonate with what you said about it. Strangely, for some reason i thought it was not an issue for you.  Maybe i wasn't attentive enough.  Self judgement can be o so subtle, for me usually when engaging with people of something i may have said or done by being myself.  At the same time i know this is the best place to be for reflections and work through it.  

Right now, lower mind and its fixed behaviors/paths is the biggest challenge for me.  I quite often find myself taken away from presence by thoughts and pondering.  This is quite annoying as it can be distracting while internally processing energy or just being plain present.  Fixed nueron pathways can be difficult to break apart and i will keep working with it. Doesn't mean i want to ditch it just be more aligned.  

Speaking of free flow and agenda.  the other day me and my partner were doing our using dinner outing (broken kitchen over a month) and when asked where should we go, i just said follow that dark grey car, then follow that light grey car then white car, make a right turn and then out of nowhere we are in front of a place called "Souly Vegan Cafe".  Wow! and we found a new and interesting vegan cafe with egyptian theme. That was quite magical!

with live,

Anatoly  

One of the things im experiencing now is a lot of resistances to whats been invited of me. I feel anxious when im invited out of my confortable state. I kinda long for the excitement and will i had which drives towards it but i feel im invited to surrender into whatever im feeling at the moment. Despair is one of the reasons thats behind the feeling - not being able to see the point in anything especially the path. I have always worked by protecting myself from the situations that make me vulnerable and mostly its where other people are involved ,of being embarrased in public. For a period of time i was seeing the same pattern of meditating out the negative energy so that i can be better prepared of the world. I feel a resistant to this anxiousness. The tightness is usually in the solar plexus. I find i spend  a lot of time in my head still which drives me towards the situations which feels kind of an identity. But there is surrender of not needing anything else which is feeling of relief from all the efforting. I see that im still holding onto what it means to be spiritual which is based on needing an outcome and when there seems to be none there is despair. Synchronicty tells me that its an on - off thing ,that i cant expect myself to be excited and motivated all the time . There is gold burried in every feeling with surrender. 

Another feeling i have been feeling for the past few weeks is not being good enough and not being supported. Expressing into the outer world is for others to see rather than just expressing. Its not my fault ofcourse ,this inauthenticity but its how im for the moment. Im pulled in my creative endeavours between the feeling of joy,motivation and the need to be fullfilled , appreciated, perfection ,relief.  I have also been feeling a lot of anger towards my father to whom i think i cant express without a finger of blame. But i feel the anger is the warrior wanting to break free from the self imposed limitation. So maybe this warrior is my expression. I think some of the distortions has stemmed from the negligence i have felt in childhood and some of it is definitely karmic. Though im not in a position to discern between those. But i project this need to be acknowledged to the father figure and actions are usually distorted by it.

Marije and Anatoly - i definitely resonate with self judgement which i feel i have in excess. Some of it is usually connected with an idea of whats right and wrong. I know intellectually that there's no wrong way to do anything but i long for perfection and if there is none there is self judgement. I get a feeling of relief when i think i have done something in the supposed right way but what relief would it be to the drop the idea of right and wrong altogether!

Hi Vimal, 

If you want my reflection, i would say you are making a good progress just by noticing how you posted.  There is a lot less attention to the formal and more getting right to the core of the issue.  Keep doing it and breaking through the resistance and you will come out smiling on the other side.

with respect

Anatoly

Hi all! I have really enjoyed reading all of your sharings - love the honesty and self reflection! I have been coming into some new energies in pmyself...engaging more with the world... Volunteering mostly... Each time I meet the most incredible people and share just amazing, illuminating moments.

A couple big things that I have been noticing... Situation I think I need, like a job or a particular connection seem to manifest in hyper speed and interestingly I can see how I might have taken these things to be magically showing up and meant for me to proceed with, but actually the situations present and I then realize it doesn't feel right at all. These moments help me to see and refine what does feel right, what does bring a sense of aliveness - even if that rightness comes with a lot of challenge and self doubt. 

I am seeing how controlling I can be... I have a deep appreciation for aesthetic appeal-and do find I am pretty particular about environments and appearance. Some of this I feel is part of a love and appreciationof beauty, texture, fragrance, overall vibe and that becomes obsession with specific details and inflexibilty. This roles over into how I can be with my children - and how I have obsessed about things like food and technology.  I have worked on this a lot, but at times I still get pulled in. I feel I need to completely stop talking about it and find other ways to connect with them and others. I am not sure why I am so bent on it...at times I feel something related to anger at being stuck caring for someone who is sick and my perception of them not taking care of themselves and how it became a burden on me. 

anyways... Just some things popping up. ❤️ Jen

 

 

Hi Jen,

Thanks for your contribution - it raised a very important point on the path - that of obsessing on aesthetic beauty and the challenges of "glamour". You said...

I have a deep appreciation for aesthetic appeal-and do find I am pretty particular about environments and appearance. Some of this I feel is part of a love and appreciation of beauty, texture, fragrance, overall vibe and that becomes obsession with specific details and inflexibility.

I've noticed personally too, that in the dense 3D environment, it's very easy to embody filters that tend to have an appreciation for what might be considered 'beautiful' form. I believe there's a truth in appreciating the natural beauty in things - of course, yes. But it's very easy to fixate on mainly the 5 senses. I can clearly see that some souls, for example, chose limitation - or distortion of physical form - so as to bring internal attention and external expression of the soul's innate qualities. So personally, I find it essential to work to appreciate the sense of the soul first. That way, I find there's less of a tendency to fixate on the physical (but to enjoy it too!).

Namaste

Open Praying Emoji

Hi Anatoly,

You are always welcome. As you rightly intuited i had some shift after i posted that yesterday. I have been feeling a bit resistant to posting here lately. And it was good to break the streak as well. 

VImal :)

Hi there, 

Thanks for the question - was ‘an identity dying’? 

I’m not sure......I think I let go of some main identities I had a few years ago - prompted by life circumstances. It felt ok.  Empty and lonely but ok as it felt real and also lighter.

I think I’ve added some different ones since then. ...hmmm. 

Perhaps it’s an attachment, more than identity. Perhaps they are one and the same.

The dying feeling came a couple times when I felt rejected and disconnected with someone I feel close to.  The feeling of not knowing them/seeing them again was the most intense thing I’ve felt - not wanting to die but like I was dying. 

I’m not sure how long I felt it, I realise I didn’t pass through it. 

It still feel grief at thoughts of such a circumstance and  glimpses of a repeat still now bring me quite unstuck.  

...not really sure where to go with it. I’m not so good at feeling these things with memories to bring them up  - so far it’s mainly when it’s happening ...... still nice to express. 

??

 

 

Open, your post prompted me to share where I am currently.

Because I had to move away from my home of 30 years to a new town, I have had an interesting year after arriving somewhere new, on my own, and where I knew no-one.

I find new social situations very challenging and I see a pattern of old where I look to connect with new people. The pattern is I find something I want to do, and that will get me into the local community (yoga class, gym, meditation class), and as I am about to go, a little voice in my head that says ‘maybe I won’t go today’. I will normally go ahead, but there have been times I have parked the car ready to do something and driven away.

Sometimes I feel a sense of loneliness, which usually happens immediately after I have spent time with friends. It will only last a few hours.

I sense both of the things I shared are related to fear of rejection, so I am working on this.

Mark

Hi Mark,

Great to connect with you here Praying Emoji

Interesting that you would feel lonely AFTER seeing your friends. I can feel right into this. My initial question would be... "what part of you are you rejecting?"... hence creating the reflection (of rejection). So what part of you can your friends not see, and therefore not provide a feedback loop on?

And then, if you allowed yourself to express the unexpressed part, how might things be different?.... for certain you would draw different people and create differently.

Of course getting into the unexpressed - unconscious - part is the challenge. It's highly likely this would emerge from the aloneness - self acceptance perhaps, from which, a greater sense of divine connectivity. That's usually what happens for me!

Sending love

Open Heart

Hi hi!

 

My inquiry lately is a whole plethora of things!

 

Mostly random yet it seems to me how when I step back I can see how the random ties the connections within.

Such as: I was musing about how feral inside I felt I used to be . Basic auto pilot protector/guardian mode - don't cross her path unless your supposed to person.

 

I mused about this because my intuition is almost if not always on high alert, and I just knew something was about to happen to a wolf pack in my state. I even knew where to look, what website to go to. I read how a rancher was petitioning for the culling of a pack because they unfortunately feasted on three of his calves. They did so to ensure their pregnant female was well fed I suppose. The rancher's request was approved, a male and female were culled. I cant lie, I almost nearly lost my sh.. Not only were they wolves, a lifelong deeply personal thang of mine, but this took place in an area very dear to me. As I stood in my minds eye overlooking the entire scene, the absolute spectrum of it all I heard a whisper. Its just a view, another story. Nothing about it to me is alright, yet the rancher does what the rancher does. I would consider it an honor to feed any wild animal, he perhaps only wants to feed his cows.

I can choose not to interject my way onto him. Why should I?! I dislike being interjected upon, therefore interjection within itself must just be understood and filed away as just another interjection LOL!

 

Well, I cant describe how absolutely good that feels to just be able to understand that and completely free of that interjection. Its a theme as well lately that I must of chose somewhere along the way to understand the entirety of. Now I just feel peaceful about it and am praying the wolves go up the canyon and away from humanity instead of seeking food sources in the valley.

 

Then I mused about how perhaps I should of prayed for intelligence for myself instead of mass amounts of wisdom, then at the very least I would of understood some things better and not felt to be the daft twin of stupid! I wouldn't be going around half the time throwing my hands up in the air, thinking what the what is happening here and in turn running to a minds eye cave in search of understanding. Yet even that is just another view and not to be taken as anything but humorous :)

 

Now if only I could just keep my mind from wandering off constantly, it feels like its been ages since I just sat down and read a book. I used to read like 3 or 4 at a time. Yet lately I cant even get passed a paragraph before feeling like I'm getting pulled away. Makes me feel like those quiet times were the days huh!!! I suppose I need to just work on being very grounded so no one or no thing can pull me away from my task at hand.. Unless of course they are in extreme danger, then just yell help or pound on the walls hahahaha!

Or so that's what I'm telling all my friends and family.

 

I pray you all have peacefully ending inquiries :)

 

Wyndè

 

Dear Wyndé, dear all,

i feel for you, the injustice done to animals is something i witness regularly living here in Mali. The case of the wolves sounds pretty clear, however i have found myself wondering (in the case of the neighbours dog and donkey) for what reason the animals themselves do need this experience and consequently attract situations that are then interpreted in a negative way? Food for thought ...

The wandering mind is another reflection you are bringing up, sometimes feels like as if wanting to be still unleashes a whirlwind of thoughts that are not allowing for real relaxation. I know that the mind needs to be aligned within the experience of the soul, and that is where the path is leading all of us, but sometimes i would just wish to give it all up and have a minute of real calm. 

During the 5Gateways Retreat (thanks Open-What an experience!) we have used this chakra breathing meditation, which i now use daily and which gives me a lot of relieve from my job that is quite busy at the moment. I love it. I can feel the whirlwind settling down in a matter of a few minutes to see again the sun and blue sky.

Many sunny greetings from Mali,

Thomas

Hi Thomas,

What a compassionate soul you are Heart

You said...

I know that the mind needs to be aligned within the experience of the soul, and that is where the path is leading all of us, but sometimes i would just wish to give it all up and have a minute of real calm. 

The calm will come my friend, it surely will. And then increasingly, we find calm in the busyness too. When I'm busy, I'm always warmed by this great Lao Tzu quote...

The Tao (the way) is never huried,
and yet nothing is left undone.

And so the peace comes in the storm too. Praying Emoji

It was a real pleasure hosting you on 5GATEWAYS Thomas - a privilege.

Open Thumbs Up SignThe Sun Emoji

Heyas,

I agree with you Thomas regarding the animals. It seems to me they along with everything else here on this planet are having an experience be it positive or negative.

I really like this expression, the mind needs to be aligned with the experience of soul. Its quite profound!

Wyndè

Hey Thomas,

Lovely to 'see' you. :)

This sharing drew my attention:

however i have found myself wondering (in the case of the neighbours dog and donkey) for what reason the animals themselves do need this experience and consequently attract situations that are then interpreted in a negative way?

Im open to this inquiry and at the same time, I would like to share what I have observed many times happening because it feels very tender in me. NOTE: I dont imply that im observing this here in your post.

Very often some people will use the Law of Attraction to 'blame the victim' so to speak in that 'they' are 'responsible' for attracting this 'negative' experience' to them and so 'they' deserve it.  Abuse and exploitation, and in the case of animals too, has been justified and perpetuated in some circles because of certain belief systems, including that of the Law of Attraction.

To me, we are all interdependent. Whats 'happening' to the dog and the donkey, is happening in relationship to the person involved who is violent towards them (and as a result s/he is violent to oneself). And it is also happening in relationship to the persons who are witnessing. They are all in it together for learning. And (spiritual) learning is gearing one towards 'raising the vibration for all', towards a more connected, aware and compassionate Paradigm. So, instead of apathy and disconnection in the name of 'All is One or Love', or in the name of the Law of Attraction, I want to be constantly opening up in face of conflict, in face of violence, in face of exploitation and injustice so that Right action comes through for the good of all, including the neighbour.

We are all just walking each other Home

Ram Dass

There are many examples of people who spread love and harmony through their life and work and at the same time speak out when they see injustice and violence anywhere. Two of these people are an inspiration to me: Thich Nhat Hanh and Dr Willl Tuttle amongst many others of course. In my own experience, I have talked extensively with farmers, made attempts to connect with people who hunt animals in the UK countryside, and have connected with mentally vulnerable people who knew no other way but take their 'stuff' out on animals. And yes, I could 'do' more by 'being' That and so I am in the 'spiritual journey'.

Thank you Thomas for this very worthwhile inquiry - very timely for me :)

Wise Love

In reply to by Open

Hi Open, thanks for your feedback. I tend to 'dip in and out' of spending time with people. I like my own company, but I do like to spend time with friends. Possibly my feeling of loneliness is more like an energy gap between being with people, and getting 'settled' when I return to my own company. I wonder if I am holding back a bit when I am with people, and then there is a slight feeling of loss after I leave, or being unfulfilled?  I do seek to understand the unexpressed in me. (Openhand courses have removed many barriers but still constraints inside me). I am seeking the breakthrough.

I guess the rejection part has been related to actual events throughout in my life, but there have also been much acceptance in my life too.

Best wishes, Mark

 

 

 

Hi Open,

I had something very strange come up for me in meditation recently, and I’m wondering if you can help me identify it. The sense is that this is ancient and possibly historic, and I know you have a lot of knowledge and understanding of a broader perspective of human evolution.

For quite some time now, a theme keeps coming up for me. It is a difficult case of homesickness that has in fact always been there, except now I’m beginning to understand it better. I have come to realise I’m a star soul, possibly Pleiadian. Plenty of synchronicity points that way. I have clear memories and dreams of being in a much lighter, less dense form, working with blue light energy between my hands. I remember a completely different way of living and communicating (more telepathic). I even recall making love in a completely different manner. I’ve never particularly enjoyed life here on Earth, and most of my life, I’ve just longed to go “home”.

I also have a very clear memory of how I felt before I incarnated. I was like an immature child who did not want to come down to Earth. I felt it was too brutal a place for my ultra sensitive soul, and there was a lot of resistance. My elders however, insisted I could handle it, that I could learn my lessons, but the memory of previous failures caused me to severely doubt my ability. It was like being sent away from a warm loving home to a cold and unpleasant boarding school with no holidays or visitation rights. I reluctantly agreed, because I knew I had to learn my lessons, but as I was getting ready to be born into a life I knew would be harsh, I made one last obstinate declaration:

“I will go and do my lessons, but I’m not gonna like it!”

So I accepted to come here and do what I had to do, but only in order to get to go home again, and that was the primary goal for me. But in the meantime, no one could make me like the human experience or life here on Earth. This one thing was my prerogative. 

As soon as I discovered this I knew, of course, that this was one of my primary lessons. To learn to love or at least be ok with life on Earth.

But why is this so hard for me to do? Why don’t I feel completely at home anywhere or with anyone? Why can’t I be comfortable in and love my human form? I have become better at it over the years of course, but underneath it all, there is this deep constant source pain. An sorrow, a dissatisfaction, a bitterness, that taints many aspects about my human existence. It’s like I can’t fully engage in my experiences and relationships. Something is always holding me back. So after two arduous years of breaking up various human identities formed in this lifetime, I suddenly realise that my strongest identity attachment lies with my extraterrestrial origin. Does this make sense?

So now to this strange meditation, I mentioned above. I meditated on this feeling of homesickness and attachment to my “home” or origin. A strong unpleasant sense of bitterness came up, and the images of dark haired and dark eyed people. They resembled ancient Egyptians but it may have gone back even further. I actually felt hate against these dark people and a strong urge to declare that I was not one of these people. I was of a different kind, not one of them, not from the same place, and especially not of the same race. Yet I was involved with them somehow, and forced to interact with them. My star soul identification came in very strongly with waves of blue light, and I felt a strong urge to dissociate from these other people. However, I could also feel they were part of me, part of my DNA somehow. The feeling was as if my mother, a star being, had coupled with a man of this other race, and the unfortunate result was me. Unfortunate, because there was something about the conditions of this coupling that did not feel right. I was feeling quite confused at this point, so I asked for higher guidance. Two words came to me over and over, half breed and hybrid. And then, the source of my bitterness: I’m an experiment. I am a hybrid experiment!

As synchronicity would have it, I have been seeing the word hybrid everywhere, for quite some time now, knowing it has some significance for me, but not being able to figure out what it is. 

I’m somewhat familiar with the alternative human evolutionary theories, involving Pleiadian DNA, and although I can’t yet grasp all the details, I resonate with the general idea. In light of this, the info in the meditation makes sense. In a way, we are all these half breeds or hybrids. The question is why this feels so deeply personal to me? Like something was done to me personally. Why do I feel this powerful attachment and loyalty to my star soul home or origin, to the extent that I can’t allow myself to embrace my own humanity?

Any ideas as to what I am dealing with here?

With love and gratitude, ??

Anastasia 

 

 

Hi Anastasia,

Thanks for having the courage to write about your challenge. There will be many reading who can empathise - I'm connecting with star souls around the world who feel similarly. In a way, we are indeed ALL hybrids. It's very clear when you look at human DNA, and especially the chromosome configuration, a lot of the transitions could not have happened by chance - some of them, for example, are genetic downgrades from the original, that would never have succeeded unless intentionally synthesised.

For example, the second and third chromosomes have been joined together to create 'speciation' - a new species separate from the original humanity. It's why we have only 46 chromosomes and the hominids we desecended from all have 48. And there are over 200 genes in our make up that appear nowhere else in the 'tree of life' on earth.

I've written in detail about this and some of the star soul challenges in the book Divinicus.

It can indeed feel very 'brutal' here in terms of the sense of density, and the general disrespect for sentient life. So it's understandable if there are strong inclinations to want to 'return home' - meaning to go back to lighter vibrations and to soul families more resonant with our personal vibe.

However, you are indeed here for a reason, and although perhaps at times difficult to accept, your soul chose to be here for the experience it is having - there are lessons to integrate. I think a big one for the Pleiadian energy is to maintain a sense of lightness, curiosity and innocence, even in the dense disregarding and mind-led densities. How can we 'marry' intution with logic? I'd say that's a classic Pleaidian lesson, and also something to share with others.

Starsouls will have key vibrations that others can benefit and learn from. That will be another important reason you're here in these times of the great shift.

Sometimes my soul too feels quite 'split'. I feel a strong resonance with my higher dimensional home, and long to return. Yet I also know there is a job to be done here, and so I work to accept that with grace - although it's not always easy!

What has helped me greatly, is the renewal of my home vibration, and especially, working to embody that here and now. I'm not waiting for it to be realised when I pass on. I'm working to infuse it here and now. I would say that is the invitation for you too, and for other starsouls. You can here to resonate that vibe, but you must work to fully embody it first.

So I wouldf suggest opening your heart in meditation and inviting the renewed connection. Then to witness how that unfolds around you in signs and synchronicity. In time, you'll surely feel that energy around you and in the things that you do. You'll be bringing 'home' here, so to speak!

Wishing you well.

Open Praying Emoji

 

In reply to by Open

Hi Open,

Thank you for your supportive insights and for your personal sharing of your challenges. It’s easy to think that once someone is enlightened, they don’t struggle with things like that anymore, and it’s comforting to be reminded that human matters apply to all of us.

I see synchronicity kicking in already through the last words of your reply. A few days prior to writing here, I was at my regular yoga class. During the final relaxation, the instructor put on this beautiful piece of music that deeply touched that place of ‘home’ inside of me. As tears rolled down my face, I felt the presence of my ‘home people’ as beings dancing around me. What they whispered to me were your exact words, Bring home here, bring home here...

You said: 

“I think a big one for the Pleiadian energy is to maintain a sense of lightness, curiosity and innocence, even in the dense disregarding and mind-led densities. How can we 'marry' intution with logic? I'd say that's a classic Pleaidian lesson, and also something to share with others.”

This really hit a nerve with me. I suddenly remembered a side of me I haven’t felt in a long time, years. I used to be so creative and playful. When I was younger, small kids loved to hang out with me because I loved playing with them. Today, I have small kids of my own, but that part of me seems to be gone, or deeply buried somewhere. I play with my kids of course, but I’m hardly ever playful. It’s just a performance of duty. This actually makes me really sad. I always thought I would be the greatest mom, because I actually liked being with kids on their terms. But as it has turned out, my kids hardly ever enjoy that part of me. It really pains me. ?

You say that under every distortion, there is a ray of truth, wanting to express. This invites me to explore the idea that perhaps the distorted version of innocence is immaturity. One is revered as curious, pure, and childlike, in a positive sense. While the other is seen as being less evolved, not having reached your full potential, and most of the time regarded as undesirable. It’s a constant paradox. Innocence is eminently perfect, while being immature means being something less than what you should or are expected to be. This can cause a lot of trouble for a soul. How do you maintain your innocence - a state of perfection, when you constantly struggle to grow out of the imperfection of immaturity? Perhaps the invitation here is to ease up on the judgment. Maybe ‘immature’ doesn’t necessarily mean ‘less than’. Maybe it just means you are where you are, at a particular time on your journey...

My personal journey this past year has been all about retrieving my ‘original innocence’. To a great degree, this has meant forgiving myself, or someone else, for making poor choices, almost always due to immaturity. I can hear now, there is yet another part of my soul beckoning me to bring her back home. I’ve really missed her.

Thank you for the ‘renewed connection’ suggestion. I will embrace it as my spiritual practice for now, and see where it takes me. It’s nice with a new mantra. ‘Bringing home here’ has a pleasant  new ring to it. I was getting kind of tired of ‘I do not belong’. ?

 

With love and gratitude ❤️??

Anastasia 

 

Ps. You also mentioned ‘working to fully embody’ your home vibe here. Is that the same as walking the 5 gateways path, or did you refer to something apart from that?

 

 

Hi Anastasia - great question and example. "Transmutation" of distortions is something I'm passionate about. I'd say it very much defines the Openhand transformational work and is quite unique. Essentially.... seeing a distortion, but before ditching it, working into it to find the truth at the core of it.

I think you offered a great example...

Innocence is imminently perfect, while being immature means being something less than what you should or are expected to be. This can cause a lot of trouble for a soul. How do you maintain your innocence - a state of perfection, when you constantly struggle to grow out of the imperfection of immaturity? Perhaps the invitation here is to ease up on the judgment. Maybe ‘immature’ doesn’t necessarily mean ‘less than’. Maybe it just means you are where you are, at a particular time on your journey...

So we recognise 'immaturity' as a distortion - the sense of it might make one feel unsure or doubtful, not good enough for example. So we work into the tightness of these distortions - these judgments - and find the purity of innocence, then to express that instead. And so the 'immaturity' transforms into a different, much more productive quality.

So yes! There will be a judgement at the heart of every distortion - a 'condemnation' of reality, either by us, or those around us. Bearing in mind that no one can judge you but yourself!

Much love

Open Praying Emoji

Anastasia you also asked...

You also mentioned ‘working to fully embody’ your home vibe here. Is that the same as walking the 5 gateways path, or did you refer to something apart from that?

Gateway 5 is called the "Resurrection". It's about fully opening and infusing soul into all the higher bodily vehicles of expression that are available to you (and finally cleansing any remnants of distortion in the lower vehicles). I'd say where a starsoul recognises they have connections to other cosmic soul families, then yes, the resurrection might well include that. For me, it seems to be an ongoing and central part of my journey here - the more I connect, the stronger I find I can bridge.

Open <3

In reply to by Open

Hi Open,

Thanks again for your reply. Although I totally resonate with the 5 gateways, and the different steps and levels described. Still, I can’t quite make sense of my personal journey within the chronological form of these 5 initiations. I don’t seem to follow the general evolutionary process. 

For example, my first gateway, the awakening, is marked by a full blown psychic opening, a skill that seems to come a bit further down the path, and perhaps not from one day to the other, as it did for me. You also mentioned gateway 5, the resurrection. You said:

 “I'd say where a starsoul recognises they have connections to other cosmic soul families, then yes, the resurrection might well include that.” 

This confuses me, because this recognition and clear connection to my soul family has already taken place for me, but I’m nowhere near the 5th gateway. In fact, I’m still struggling towards the 3rd. Another difference for me is that I did most of my intense childhood and teenage deprogramming before I reached gateway 2, which was without doubt, a typical gateway 2 experience. (I shared that with you as a response to the “inner guru” video you posted a little while ago.) After gateway 2, my work started changing character to dealing more with karmic issues, such as past life and even off planetary experiences, which I understand is supposed to come after gateway 3. There are still distortions that come up from this lifetime, of course, but there always seems to be a connection to something further back in time. (Which makes me assume they are karmic issues). 

I can understand why I haven’t passed through the 3rd gateway, as it is about integration of the higher and lower vehicles, and that’s definitely something I’m still working on. However, my other experiences don’t make sense in the general mapping of the process. 

Do you have any insight as to why I may be experiencing it in this way?

 

Much love and gratitude ❤️??

Anastasia 

 

 

 

Thanks for sharing and inquiring Anastasia.

There are a three key caveats I pose in the 5GATEWAYS book - (1) that starsouls may well come almost in the reverse direction - they're often known themselves to be awake all the time, and many will know their connection cosmic soul families early on - maybe never forgotten. (2) The Gateways are all interrelated, so although they tend to be completed sequentially, it's likely you'll be working on several simultaneously (3) It should be viewed more as a framework for inquiry to step into your own experiential journey of it.

I think if you have been dealing with karmic issues from early on, then the likelihood is you retained your connection into the 4D as you incarnated. Hence karma would become active early on.

It is also possible that people will deprogram as they approach Gateway 2. But if there is still separation between lower and higher self, then there must still be identity programs in the lower vehicles causing it. Have you looked at parent relationships? (and siblings if you have any).

Wishing you well

Open Praying Emoji