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Hi there, 

So, I'm looking for some help and guidance please. 

I've had a heavy journey with OC [for about 5 years] and the last 2 years with someone I once did sweat lodges with [he can manipulate energy]. I don't wish to give energy to him - it makes it worse but I will describe what is happening. 

I'm having a lot of rubbish dumped in me - it is heavy, makes me nauseous, I can become feverish, regurgitate it and generally it really weighs me down. 

A few days ago I had a decent start to the day - and actually felt - I’ve had enough of this rubbish and this dumping of dirty energy in me - which is a healthy reaction I don’t often have - so attacks then followed.

I am aware he is playing a role and have had the knowing land of a contract of sorts to push me into awakening. Yet, it is on this level that it is to play out. 

I am unsure of the direction I am to take with this and wondering of any guidance/insight.

Is it? 

1. Keep trying to integrate - and this will push him and OC out
(Though it really hard when every feeling of him [which is all day] and the attacking re-traumatises (dissociates) me.

Or 

2. There’s something in my subconscious (or past life experience) which I still haven’t looked at and need to see/admit ...so need to go into stuff deeper - which why I’m allowing it to continue. 

I don’t wish to elaborate on him etc - it increases the energy/affect but it’s not just him, there is entanglement with the whole network of energy he uses - I think in 4D. 
 

Where I'm at - is increased dissociation and psychosis. For the first time in five years of really heavy attacks and interference, I'm worried and scared about where I am, what to do and feel I need support here please. 

Jennaya 💛

Comments

Hi Jennaya - firstly I know of course that you've been exploring this for some considerable time, both with myself, and other Openhand facilitators. It is indeed very challenging, and yet at the same time, I believe offers the opportunity for important self-realisation, and especially soul integration and sovereignty. So do be patient and persistent with the process.

You asked...

 

1. Keep trying to integrate - and this will push him and OC out
(Though it really hard when every feeling of him [which is all day] and the attacking re-traumatises (dissociates) me.

Or 

2. There’s something in my subconscious (or past life experience) which I still haven’t looked at and need to see/admit ...so need to go into stuff deeper - which why I’m allowing it to continue.

I'd say it's both, and 1 happens as a result of 2. I can clearly feel the surface longing to remove the energy. But at the same time, I feel there's a subconscious victim energy that gains something by being focussed on - to someone who might feel lack of love and acceptance from those around, any attention becomes twisted into 'some attention is better than none at all'. It's a replacement for the lack of self love and acceptance.

So, as I and other facilitators have similarly expressed, I'd say you have to get into the victim mentality - the deep karma of that. You have to be sure with yourself that you really do want to heal past this, and let go of the unwelcome, distorted, attention - to become accepting of your own self, in your own space. Maintain connections with supportive communities like this one, yes, but let that not be the source of your own power. Take reflections, yes, but work to embody your own self acceptance, as who you are, by yourself.

Then over time, as you integrate self-accepting soul, and embody it deeper, it will naturally push out the interference without undue efforting.

It won't necessarily be an easy journey, but I do believe it's a straightforward one. You have to be committed, and focussed about it.

Wishing you well, much love

Open HeartPraying Emoji

 

Hey, Thank you very much. I just read what you wrote - though will need to let it settle deeper. 

The one bit I instantly don’t feel (though I am also aware there’s things we can take time to accept..)...so I could well be wrong. But I really don’t feel the ‘some attention is better than none’.

I’ve not had this characteristic before, though I can feel an outside energy trying create.

There is some stuff coming from him - I still feel so much of him - I pick up his laboured breathing, his distorted views and believes (separate to my own ones) and various other characteristics.... 

I feel this characteristic is his and not mine. And if it is I don’t wish to do anything with it, except separate myself from him and it ....... 

Do you still feel this is mine? 

I am wanting to find the truth in me. 

Thank you. 

Jennaya 💛🙏

I do want to heal past this - yes. But don’t feel like I can make it past it. That’s honestly how I feel. I’ve had enough of this whole experience - him and entities.

i don’t feel like I have the time  - I don’t feel I have much more in me before I loose it. 

I am not wanting attention or sympathy but help to move through this - because for some reason I am still here.

I am not trying to dramatic - it is where I am. 

J. 

Hi Open, 

i just re-read your reply - and read it a bit differently. 

This bit

“You have to be sure with yourself that you really do want to heal past this, and let go of the unwelcome, distorted, attention” 

I maybe get a sense of the cult past life - maybe being abused and used a sacrifice and some similar stuff to what is going on the Shaman now - and something about the liking it then - the attention and something being special - very distorted. 

Though this lifetime - I can’t feel anything with attention of it. 

If I was to say any reason why I am allowing it (and so much entity interference) this life - it would be because of a feeling of being alone. I’ve felt this for a while —and it’s hard to accept/imagine. 

....

but maybe it back to the past life....someone recommended doing a regression so could see anything which might be relevant ..... 

thank you for your feedback.....had a few emotional reactions in between. 

Much love, 

Jennaya 💛🙏

 

Hi Jennaya - Maybe the feeling of being alone is what causes a subconscious seeking of attention. 

Something to consider.

Open Praying Emoji

Hey Open, 

I'm a bit confused.

........

A few days ago, I yelled at the universe..."that I'm over this, I'm almost done and am not doing this for much longer".

The next morning, I was sent the following music clip. It felt like a response to my outbursts from the day before. 

https://www.facebook.com/edoandjo/videos/901733066518483/

[It's on a facebook page - I can't seem to find it anywhere else - hope it opens]. 

.........

I'm still not sure about the "attention seeking", but want to sit with it a bit - there's an inkling of something. Thank you for persisting. 

I am noticing when I'm directly engaged with people, there's less interference .....as their attention engages another; the interference in me increases again..... 

I do find people [and animals] bring me back to this reality.

........

The confusion bit. 

I know I have "stuff" (insecurities/distortions etc) but I also know I am really ok (heart/essence). I don't believe I should have to (or be) suffering like this because it is there or until it all transforms. 

Maybe it take both parts - and my mind wants to make one right. 

.......

"Grace" and "redemptive love" keep coming up. And then I feel "how?" with so much tension and interference.  

......

Thank you Open. 

Much love, 

Jennaya 🙏