The Observer...Who am I?

Becoming grounded in the Observer. Experiences


Phew! Becoming grounded in the observer is in some ways surreal.

I am observing my movements, my thoughts, my feelings. Yet feel like none of these are 'me'. I am stationary while this drama, this movie is being played around me, whats happening now? I am not this. Even now watching myself type, thinking about what words to put down to adequately express myself. What is moving? I don't feel like I am controlling this, it's just happening. My body has it's own 'mind' controlling it without 'me' being directly involved (this is not quite the perfect way to express this but with limited words what can I do eh? ;) )

I feel disconnected with this, not involved any more, yet also more connected, conscious of whats going on. But its almost unbearable sometimes (ego clinging on, wanting to draw me back into the matrix?)
This is all very strange, and yet natural.

Amazing! Thanks so much for sharing Richard.

Yes when we truly start observing ourselves, thoughts and emotions, there comes that indescribable point where you simply know you are not what you thought you were.

It's often at this point people ask "who am I?" And that's the very question we need to hold. Because at that point, you start opening into the Source. It feels as if "no one is here". There's just infinite potential with a stream of experience flowing from it - your soul.

Then all you have to do is keep aligning with it - and that's the tricky part! But nothing to worry about, we're sure to master it in the end.

With best wishes

Open *OK*

Hi Chris, thanks for your clarity on the subject.
After that experience yesterday, I found myself almost going to the opposite side of the coin and losing myself in daydreams for most of the evening. Now I seem to be switching back and forth between moments of heightened awareness and moments of unconsciousness. Could this be opposing consciousness interfering or just a period of adjusting, swinging the pendulum so to speak?
I would love to hear other peoples experiences of switching to observer consciousness.

To me it sounds exactly like a swinging pendulum. Over time, lower and higher self will integrate as one, then things will steady again - but expect a good period of integration.

Hi Richard, I've experienced myself as the observer very clearly about a week ago. After that I've had feelings of depression and sadness wash over me. In the meantime I've had a dream my higher self (?) killed 'me' . It feels like the air is swiftly escaping my identity balloon. It feels my old self is dying and this is in a way a very scary process.
I felt a couple of years ago that this would eventually happen some day: I broke down in tears and discovered I was crying because I basically had to say goodbye to what I thought was me. Now I find myself holding on to scraps of old identity alternating with states of non-identification with the false me. There is still this battle going on inside of me between the new and old consciousness. I can also notice this in my dreams. There I constantly go back to my childhood reliving it so as not to lose the identity I built up there in that period of time. Also my body is twitching sometimes trying to hold back the kundalini energy wanting to rise up. I'm in a kind of void right now closely monitoring everything that's happening.

Hi Apollonius,

You said...

    "I broke down in tears and discovered I was crying because I basically had to say goodbye to what I thought was me. Now I find myself holding on to scraps of old identity alternating with states of non-identification with the false me."

That's it. Presence beginning to break up the ego. It feels like a death. But when we completely let go, we come to realise: up until that point, we've never really lived!

Open *OK*

Thanks Mike for your input. It feels to me I have no control over when the observer arrives. So in that respect you can't intellectualize your way into it (maybe that's also what you discovered?).
Thanks for your validation and further explanation, Open. I guess you're right that I never really lived. It's quite a statement but I believe I'm about to find out that it's very true. By the way, all of the Openhand material and especially the 5 Gateways movie has helped me immensely to understand the process I'm going through!

Grand sharings. Attempting to recall the experience brings back so much. I always felt uncomfortable in my skin so for me it has come in stages. I feel as though I have always maintined a level of acceptance and never recall really being affected negatively by others. There was always a feeling of separation that I started exploring early on. For myself everything began to slowly slowly slowly come to a halt until there was a sense of perceived stillness. Consciousness bubbled through with little light embers sparking awareness, lighting the way. Within the stillness when I was in perceived moments that might ilicit an emotional response, split seconds slowed as a letting go of any need to react with an emotional response occurred. Then just the impulse of energy was felt prior to the now recognized perceived pattern that wanted to instigate the response. I felt the physical reaction ensuing. At first I would only recognize briefly but as I experimented with myself in the matrix, the path was cleared internally to increase my tolerance level per se. Somewhere in there detachment occured as the mind became astute at recognizing the ensuing physical impulses and the soul passively observed almost soothing the mind in some way. Neutralizing and remaining free from any previously imposed and conditioned reactions.
At that point I was still living a life that felt unnatural. I was continuously absorbing much as I knew I was strong enough, knew I could remain whole. I remember the jolt that came through me when the words "Forgive them Father for they know not what they do," accelerated the observer experience ten fold. It was an outer body moment while fully awake. Shortly after a "suffocation" gripped me that seemed to suck the air from my lungs. Yes, I wept...pulled air in...
Much occured over the next 1-2 years.I left my life. I too was almost in a car wreck on the exact day I decided I would never look back. My senses were heightened due to weather and other variables..story for another day.
In the ensuing months I felt raw and kept mostly to myself as I embraced it all, felt alone, wondered how so many were blind, searched relentlessly for another who had even an inkling of gretaer awareness, was lead astray. Then I started to follow my intuition which was a tremendous amount of fun. I had not a care for how it all turned out and decided touching others as I had always done was enough. Trust grew, freedom ensued, presence was...So much occured over that time when i turned right just because the sun was shining that way, I let go of thinking. Anyway one day I was following my curiousity yet again and googled evolved soul and found all of you embracing your own unique experiences...Glorious day.

Wow, this is great everyone, so many insights and sharings! Interesting talking about intellectualising. I often find I am able to induce a kind of observational state myself, although I feel sometimes that this is directly connected with the mind and the really profound and deep experiences come by themselves. Yesterday I was walking home, and suddenly was hit by this very tangible feeling that this life was just a short 'episode' in the history of my soul. For that short moment I looked at my life as one whole bubble like I was just playing the game, just for laughs, but was not really that attached to it.

Interesting you say about the dreams Appolonius. I have had many dreams where I am being hunted by unknown assailants with many attempts on my life. But I always run away, or stay and fight. Perhaps one time if I'm conscious enough i should just surrender and let them kill me and see what happens....

Nice thread,thanks Richard. What I've noticed being the observer always takes some effort from my side. For instance if I'm reading a book its a lot easier to get immersed in the book rather than being the observer of my body as well as the surrounding and i think is it supposed to take this much effort. For the last few days I'm at my parents house surrounded by all this distraction like TV and all and i would get lost in them and then feel guilty of loosing my days which i could have used for my spiritual growth. Sometimes being the observer comes naturally , a few days ago when i was traveling in train at night i got this strange feeling and i thought to myself ,so many bodies are inside this train traveling at 100km/hr and I'm inside one of them or am i really?

Thanks to all of you for sharing your experiences. It is the same going on with me...
Time and space are disappearing, it feels so strange and yet so familiar at the same time.
Currently it is very difficult for my body to deal with it, it feels heavy, tired and exhausted.
And then all this thousand of thoughts running trough me and I am not able to recognize
where they come from, what causes it and how to go with, puuuh, really exhausting, all this
stories, dramas, complications and emotions coming up, falling down again and again...