Perhaps my turbulent experiences early in my calling were simply the idea that I was somehow separate from the Universe. Admittedly, I was proud and arrogant, living in a world of images, invincible in my own reality, and too preoccupied to check my self image with my actual manifestations. Today I now understand the importance of getting inside nature, being grounded and responsible for the now, but the ego I had built around my self then became a nook that would no longer allow me to grow. My greatest challenge.
When I received my calling I wasn't surprised at all, and I even welcomed it. But, not long after I was sending pleas to the Universe calling for aid. The turbulence, the devastating blows, why? The idea of separation had to be dropped slowly.
The aid from the Universe was far from sparse, and I became almost obsessed with learning from the materials I was receiving. Everyday, I would acquire my own impressions from the knowledge I was acquiring second-hand from others well before my time. I know we like to think this sort of thing is a new phenomena, but it's probably as old as the written word.
Anyways, my first real break through was several years later during a breathing exercise routine in the mornings while the sun was rising. The layer of separation became thinner and thinner until I experienced, to be brief, a very blissful state. Naturally, my most powerful manifestation occurred later that week, the same blissful state that followed, something I'll always vividly remember for the rest of my life, and I was a little frightened of myself after that receding away still even to this day.
I'm certain it's a natural reaction. I'll probably return to the oneness pursuit eventually, and until I set that goal for myself again in the meantime I've found creation and control to be quite entertaining (and safe!).