P0rn addiction.

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Hey barb, Open and daniell

Thanks for connecting up and sharing. It's always good to be acknowledged especially when you become vulnerable. Actually opening up about these issues here and to a friend of mine has itself shifted something in me - ownership of my sexuality, reclaiming back sovereignty and sense of worth and confidence. Synchronicitically I manifested some circumstances in the outer where people didnt value my energy or time and I had to stand up and say no. If I don't value myself who will?

 I fully agree with the openhand way , that the pain is where the light enters and we have to honor to evolve through it. Not always easy though. Many times mind wants to take the easy route. Because sometimes it perceives it's not leading anywhere. I'm not getting what I want. So let's unleash and do whatever you want.  I know for sure , the addictive habit starts with some frustration, boredom,  need for resolution etc. But there must be something that draws me towards it again and again. Why would I create it otherwise? I have seen the pattern has shifted quite a lot for the last many years but same on many levels as well. Which is where self judgment and frustration builds. Lack of trust that it's truly shifting. How much of it more. Its like its going back in circles. I'm seeing ant medicine . Literally all over my bed and body. So patience isn't it? It's a life time journey - reclaiming your sexuality. When I see sometimes, this isn't working, then I go for the quick solution. But then its creating more problems than solution. More worthlessness and shame. I have tried that and got tired of it. I know I will go back to it yet again. But this time less frequently because the pain after is so much bigger than the small pleasure. Yes take the hat off. Because the mind doesn't have any solution. Even if someone tells you some solution it will be a quick fix. So real solution is acceptance , surrender , patience, will, passion or focus whichever soul qualities that wants to be activated through it all. Mind knows either suppression or indulgence. Awareness knows the middle way. And I'm trusting in that. Barb I resonate with it so much. Even when we think we are in the depth of density , the soul will carry us forwards. One of my first awakening blissful experience happened when I was lying down in my friends hostel room expecting to be hungover from getting drunk the night before! But instead light was shining through my body from his window. Ofcourse it's not the alchohol which did it but the inner inquires and confrontation of pain prior to that. But the point being the mind has judgment but the soul doesn't. 

 

I know this post makes me vulnerable but I hope in opening up, I would illuminate subconcious density and addictive patterns. And hopefully provide a space for others to share who pass through similar stuff. 

I know for the past few years I have been limited by addiction towards p0rn and/or sexual content. In moving through and seeing this pattern a lot , I know that addiction is a symptom which stems from conditioning and deep hurt and wanting. In my case it's coming from a sense of unworthiness , shame and need for love and support. Today I went for a trek and got lost inside a forest and then on a desert. After feeling the sense of abandonment and frustration, my mind concluded that I'm not worthy of love and a sense of being treated that way by my mother when I was young. And also the sense of being lost in this 3D world in many ways!

The impulse to look at porn always come from a sense of frustration , boredom and aloneness. Well why not ? There is no judgement against it. Only thing is that , I attract negative entities into my field every time I express the distortion and addictive habit. Then I have to work at removing the negative entities. Thankfully openhand implant removal meditation is very useful in doing that. There is a feeling of longing associated with body and with mobile and internet at your fingertip ans baitha curious mind! it becomes easy to go ahead search for it. But then it doesn't stop there. I know that's when I really have to break the pattern before Oc really plays in the field. Sometimes I do ,othertimes. Its curiously very similar with another drug I used to be on which was cannabis. The pattern eas kind of the same, attracting negative energy and going down the rabbit hole but then it was easy to cut the source or move away from people who uses it. It's a different story here. 

Anyone who had experiences similar addiction would know about the No fap movement which is stopping yourself from indulging in porn or ejaculation for a period of months. I think it works but only for a period of time. I think it takes much more than just determination and willpower to truly breakthrough an addiction. Passion comes to my mind. Interestingly when I embody and express my passion strongly I don't feel the need for any sort of completion other than that. Also when I was involved with a community and well connected to other people around I didn't feel the urge. Maybe the urge is showing me to honor an aspect of truth inside it like connecting with people more, honoring existing relationships and being more authentic in it. 

I feel much of the confidence and passion is buried under a heap of shame, regret and worthlessness and I feel the strong urge to reclaim those. Yesterday I was contemplating how much do I really want to be in the 5D consciousness? Sometimes taking the easy 3D pill seems like the way. Not very proud about that! 

I would welcome any reflection or sharings. 

In reply to by Vimal V

Hi Vimal, first off, bless you for your courage to share such vulnerability. The world needs more of that! You must remember that it is not your fault! Hyper-sexuality is only one of many ways the "powers-that-be" use to keep us down. You are not alone and you have nothing to be ashamed of! I have a history of all kinds of abuse and i struggle with sexual issues myself. One thing i'm wanting to explore is using sexual energy to wake up kundalini in the spine, and bringing the energy up to the higher chakras thereby transmuting the baser sexual energy into higher dimensional energy. i'm not sure of the discipline that teaches this but i'll be exploring. i feel like this will help me have more control over my desires. i also struggle with using food and cannabis as ways to avoid and stuff down the pain when i get impatient and want a quick resolution. But we know quick fixes only stunt our growth. We have to remember the Openhand way...we dive right in and face the pain full-on, we stay with the pain until it shifts. And your feelings about 5d...lol i've been having similar thoughts but thats just a trick! i KNOW that even when i'm falling back into the lower densities and the mind tricks start and i'm full of fear of the unknown, i KNOW soul will carry me through! Even when i'm in a fog of density and have trouble remembering her, i know i would rather be with her than anything this 3d can offer. I want to give up all the time but now that i know her, i cant give up on her. And it helps to remember too that these addictions and habits, they are not who we really are. we were conditioned, and we need to forgive ourselves. i'm 49 and still attract traumatic events from my childhood! and i still struggle with feelings of worthlessness and low self-esteem. i still feel like the little girl who got bullied because she couldnt manage the pain of her home life. BUT i can say that i'm less willing to go for the quick fix because i know that that road leads nowhere, and i want so badly not to feel afraid and worthless all the time. i want to see who i really am and what im really capable of. i hope this helps, and you will be more motivated to face the pain when the addictions start calling. The Openhand Bow is also a very important tool to help with the work! good luck and please be easy on yourself! 

barb

In reply to by Open

Truly great response! I guess all addictions are basically just OC wants to feed again and again, they can't feed on high vibration so they drag you down first. Here's from Osho about transmutation. 

osho1

 

In reply to by Danniel

Thanks for sharing Daniel - in many ways I'm with Osho on the approach he describes. Except I disagree when he says, "don't enjoy it"!
I believe the feeling is definitely there to be enjoyed. Why would we deny pleasure? Pleasure is entirely natural - the other side of the coin of pain - embrace both fully, and thereby identify with neither. It can only be identity resisting that. I see that Osho was very advanced yes, but also very dissolving into the Void. Don't get me wrong, I think he's offers great teachings - to a point. To my mind, the limitation is it's contained and feels a degree controlling, less free flowing, less spontaneous. Which in itself creates a degree of identity - that which is (to some degree) denying. You can feel that in the supression of expression - I see it in Ekhart Tolle too.

That said, I can see a lot of truth in how he transmutes the sexual expression as it activates in the base. My suggestion is to enjoy that. But to be 100% conscious in it. Not to judge it, not condem it, but allow it. The pinnacle becomes orgasm. Through this climax, you can apply the breath to breathe the energy up through the chakras and into the eight chakra, above the crown, where you hold it and continue to expand it. Use something like Breakthrough Breathing to do this. Now you're literally soaring and journeying multidimensionally in bliss, which can last for hours. As this happens the energy has completely transmuted from sexual desire or attachment. This is deification. An absolute blessing from the One.

These are secrets that have been distorted or perverted purposefully to deny humanity this powerful evolutionary possibility; freedom of expression and living all the time in active and thriving kundalini.

Open Praying Emoji

In reply to by Vimal V

Hi Vimal,

First I want to say, "hats off to you", for bringing the subject to light - the challenges of distorted sexual expression, which gets you lost in the lower density and then prey to entities in the field. I hope plenty of people are tuning into this, because it affects probably the majority without them realising it. I think the basis for many relationships of co-dependency is caused by this entity possession dynamic. So what might the answer be?

Synchronistically the words came to me right at the beginning, "hats off to you". What might that mean?

Vimal you said this right at the end...

I feel much of the confidence and passion is buried under a heap of shame, regret and worthlessness and I feel the strong urge to reclaim those. Yesterday I was contemplating how much do I really want to be in the 5D consciousness? Sometimes taking the easy 3D pill seems like the way. Not very proud about that! 

In this world, I witness healthy sexual expression is so often filled with taboo and self-judgmental limitation. Yet this has probably been predicated on some truth - distortions always are. The sexual energy is highly alchemical and powerful. Unknowingly it can be used to trap and ensnare by both parties, where there might be subjugation and victimisation - various "shades" of that (50 shades of grey!) which then lead to co-dependency. What's being lost sight of in the act of this "consumation" (including self pleasuring in p0rn), is the higher dimensional connection. As the energy flows, it's easy to get lost in the external, in the object, whether that's physical or visual. And because it's so pleasurable, it's highly addictive. Distorted behaviour patterns of lust, need, loss of self acceptance and shame readily build. As you've rightly discovered, denial doesn't work either, because you're supressing a crucial aspect of creative self expression,

But what if when you express the energy you learn to do so freely, without self-judgment, AND, within the expression, within the release, you bring the energy upwards, inwards, and connecting as a loop back to your own higher Twin Flame Self?

It becomes ecstatic. It drives consciousness up through the dimensions. Crucially, it stops energy bleeding away 'horizontally', which then gets preyed upon by entities.

For anyone else tuning in, here's that effective Removing Entities and Implants Meditation

What I'm talking about is recognising the external is a dream, thereby detaching from crystallisation within it. Instead living the dream of life, witnessing your Twin Flame in all things and experiences - the trantric actualisation of you. You're constantly working to consciously realise the completion of you. And this can be done with or without a partner.

Now there will likely be lots of self-judgment to overcome, that would limit connecting your consciousness back into the higher realms - "is that kind of sexual expression permitted, allowed or accepted in the higher dimensional expression?" Yes!!! It's the ecstatic connection with how reality is created, realised and enjoyed. In higher dimensional sexual expression, there is no embodiment with another, there is no fixed attachment. Proximity activates rising kundalini energy within oneself. It then becomes possible for many things to activate this - witnessing an astral sunrise for example.

The ultimate expression of trantra, is that in the active "sexual" expression (which could be applied to all types of creative kundalini with the universe), there is no loss of self within the expression. You're consciously riding the flow of energy (and let it flow!). BUT, you're also paying attention to the flow of energy - it goes out, catalyses similar expression in another, or the universe, but then you're focussing at least 50% of your attention on bringing the cycle of energy back to your higher dimensional self. Feel and express the kundalini energy rising at orgasm and looping back to itself within you - and usually in human form, the loop completes in the crown chakra.

So I would definitely encourage the expression of sexual energies and the illumination of distortion through them. But most of all, "take the hat off". In other words don't constrict the flow of energies to the lower densities. In the climax of expression, consciously bring the energy as a loop, back to the crown chakra and ride the energy higher. See how that goes.

Here is my lead article on the expression of tantra in life...

Containing Sexual Kundalini through Tantra, To then Manifest Creatively

In loving support

Open Praying Emoji