Sharing the flow of things

A place to share the inquiries that are going on for me =).

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I feel like the events unfolding in Hong Kong are the precursor of a wider emergent wave of rebellion against unjust political leadership. Something to watch I would say...

In reply to by Open

Yea, it seems more difficult for them now. Some years ago I was reading some spiritual articles about about how society needs to become without leaders, just small groups cooperating somehow without really knowing how they are cooperating together in to achieving the same thing... If such a movement was to occur, then it would be harder to stop as there is not head to target.


And here's a quote from one of the Hong Kong protesters:

“There is no long-term agenda, no leader. We all feel the same and want the same things, but we don’t have to follow any one person,” said one black-clad participant in his early 20s, who gave his name only as Jojo.…


Yea, who can they target? They had to suspend the bill, for now, so this is like a tactical retreat for them. Everyone assumes they will be back, but it has been shown that they had to do a tactical retreat! The Taiwan people are paying a lot of attention here....


The LeaderLess movements coordinated not on this dimension are beginning I think.





I wondered if anyone else experienced something very odd yesterday? Several friends and I who are energetically sensitive had a range of 'symptoms' yesterday including being unable to feel connected spiritually in meditation. I also had a clear sense of my energy field being constrained in some way and a physical energy drain. We are spread out between Essex and Warwickshire so it wasn't local. Those not 'sensitive' (friends and family) didn't seem to be affected at all. Things seem to be back to normal today but I wondered if anyone else has experienced this and what the best approach is to overcome this if/when it happens again?


In reply to by Pam

Hi Pam - I was travelling up through Wariwickshire yesterday - I picked up some disruptive energies myself - put the wrong fuel in my car as a result!

Not sure what it was though - will keep feeling.

Best wishes

Open HeartPraying Emoji

In reply to by Open

Hi Open,

I hope you realised before you drove away!

I will be interested to hear what you discover and any suggestions as to the best way way to deal with this kind of thing. I will be unable to access the internet for the next week but will check the website as soon as I have access

Best wishes

PamPraying Emoji

In reply to by Open

Yeahh, on the 12th of June I experienced a bit more than just disruptive energies. Been getting terrible sleep these past few days as there was protests and upheaval in Hong Kong, where I live.

It is about passing a law that will allow the Chinese government (in Beijing) to extradite people in Hong Kong (even if you are just passing through the airport on your way to another country) based on political crimes.

The title of this news article

Hong Kong Is on the Frontlines of a Global Battle For Freedom

Yeah, this thing goes beyond Hong Kong. Soo here's the background info for those curious and unaware: The current politics of "Two systems, One Country" under which Hong Kong operates was meant to be implemented as a way for China to reclaim Taiwan in a smooth and peaceful way, as opposed to just installing a different political model overnight. Soo Taiwan is watching how things unfold in Hong Kong... But you know, this political puppet show of USA vs China also has random effects on this, since if China is to become the dominant country in this world; well everyone will pay attention to this.

Ultimately, as I see it, the current dominant power is currently being handed over to China from the West since the people in the West have been rich for a while and thus are no longer happy with only being given a few monetary breadcrumbs (compared to the rich elites). Where as since the Chinese people were poor for the last 100 years, and they are now receiving a little bit more breadcrumbs than before so they accept things as they are.


Things have just become a bit more calmer since the big boss of Hong Kong has said she will be suspending this bill for now, and it is funny how this statement comes after some rich people in Hong Kong started to move some of their money to Singapore ^.^

This bill has now literally pissed of everyone! The protesters wouldn't be out if they were happy, then the police might have been having fun but now they have to listen to the local Buddhists sing their mantras a 1 million times because walked into hospitals and detained unconscious protesters (who were made unconscious by the police firing rubber bullets upon them). I just said the rich have started to move their money. Hmm now the USA might remove Hong Kong from list of special trading partners, giving another card Trump can play against Xi next week... And even Hong Kong people who didn't care about bill were harassed by the police on the grounds that might cause public nuisance...

Hi Jen,

That's the curious thing about the paradox of relativity and life itself - everything I see is an aspect of me. AND...

We are here self-determining as souls, deciding who we are, and actualising that.

The more accurate we become about how we are being, the more the distortion separates out - the less wrapped up in it you are. Yet I find there's always some distant reflection.

Take "Opposing Consciousness". There's definitely a defined energy challenging the natural consciousness of the planet and of humanity. I can feel its actions very separate and different to mine. Yet I know I could still be more aware, more aligned, more tuned in. And so it still reflects that aspect which is not.

For me it's about living with the paradox. I work continually to be all that I can be. I look in the mirror of what I am, and what I am not. Then I work to make a clear statement about who I am in relation to the landscape.

I trust that makes sense!

Open Praying Emoji

In reply to by Open

Thanks Open,

Yes, I do see this. The tricky part for me is judgement coming from strong resistance to the way things are. There IS a struggle against the reality that seems to create more frustration and friction because the world (or at least those inhabiting it around me) don't seem to bend according to the vision I yearn for. And why should they? It's there experience, not mine to control, bend, fix, mold (though I often try to). I feel there IS a way to honor the way it is and still hold a sense of something else inside...though I have not nearly mastered that!!

I feel the ego is more active then it's ever been...everything seems to trigger this control and anger...and the feeling of IT'S NOT OK!! I AM NOT OK!!! I am sure this will all unwind and settle in some new way...the friction is a wake up call to another way of being. I get the sense that touching into the authentic feelings of Not feeling A-ok - is stirring the more active, courageous, and willing to feel heart broken aspects ...which are also mixed in with control and aggression.

 There is something important to me at the moment about wholeheartedly feeling the brokenness and with it this crystal clear a note struck on a crystal glass.

Much love,



In reply to by .Jen

I'm with you Jen - it's NOT OKAY!
And also you're right, PEOPLE ARE NOT LISTENING!
They won't listen, right up to the point they slip over the edge - to me that's very clear. So I've stopped efforting to shift their direction and instead simply to work with who shows up. But I have to say, that has been a real journey of letting go over the years!

You speak of molding and bending - I know you know there's distortion in it, but I can also see the truth reflected in your words.

I see it like this...

Imagine for a moment you rest completely in the Void of Infinite Potential. To give it tangibility, imagine it as being the heart. The heart expands outwards and you're there in the illusion shaping things. Sometimes it is your role to bind creation together. Sometimes though, this will not happen, for various reasons, such as other people not being on the same page. So you let go and contract back down again, ready for another beat, another creation. And so there you are beating outwards and inwards, continually creating and letting go. You give you're all, and yet keep surrendering. You are not the creations, but the heart that keeps beating. Personally I find enormous joy and satisfaction in that, even if things don't work in the outer.

Open Praying Emoji

Dear Jen,

If it’s any source of comfort, I’m right there with you! As I move into the preparations for the Divinicus course, it’s with a sense of leaving everything I ever knew and found support and comfort in, behind me. Due to current family circumstances, I’m even leaving with the feeling of completely abandoning my children (especially my 2-year old son) when they need me the most. 

When going to Bruge, I went with the excitement and confidence of a child/teenager, but this time I go with a deeper sense of maturity and humility in knowing that the death of the ego is NO JOKE. If you think you can tuck some little shady or attached part of you away in some nook or cranny of your consciousness, thinking it may go by unnoticed - think again! There is no escape. No compromise. You either (let) go all the way or you don’t!

It will be ok, Jen. You’re in a good place. And you’re not alone. I’m glad to see you’ve gotten in touch with the RAGE. I sensed that in you back in the fall when we had that exchange in our Circle of Angels. I believe I mentioned it in one of my posts to you. There was also a dream you talked about then. I think it was something about you being on the Second floor of your childhood home and not being able to go down to the bottom floor. Sound familiar? I didn’t say anything then but I felt this dream was connected to the hidden rage, the rage somehow being on the bottom floor but without a staircase to reach it. Disconnected somehow. The two different floors resonated with me as the two lowest chakras - the second (emotional) and the base. And the base was cut off, not accessible for some reason...

I don’t know why I feel to tell you this now, I just do. See if anything resonates with you.


It will be OK.


I love you and I will see you very very soon! ❤️




In reply to by Anastasia

Thank you Anastasia and I look forward to seeing you soon!!

Yes, leaving behind the comforts is a big one for me at the moment...mostly in the form of emotional attachments that give a sense of security. It's become clear how important it is for me to internally retrieve the energy and stop seeing myself in this horizontal pairing which has already completely changed, save for my holding open to wide of a doorway. Not sure if this is making any sense. lol!

Yes, yes, yes, that dream has stuck with me and I have been feeling into that sense of not being able to connect to the ground...interstingly in a meditation last week, I was processing these feelings of rage around what feels like a beast that wants to devour the surface of the planet. I was watching the surface of the planet be swallowed into a giant sharp toothed mouth and into what looked like a black hole with nothing on the other side. However when I dropped fully to the Earth and let myself be pulled into the hole, it turned out I was inside my own body ...a younger version of myself was carrying a torch down my throat (which was a cave with old letters and a horse carved on it...which interestingly I lost my voice all this week - and it's appropriate as I have felt like no-one is listening) . My younger self passed by my heart which was glowing like a fire, and down to my pelvis where I sat inside the bowl shape of my pelvic bones and drew a purple flower with a puffy yellow and orange center in which my younger self sat. So, lots is being stirred between the 1st and 2nd floors now and I continuously dream of going up and down the staircase...

It's funny how surprising it is to me that people pick up on the tucked away 'not okness" inside...I notice how that brings up feelings of anger too! At being so transparent? Maybe the defenders don't like that... It feels more like, if it's so obvious, then why didn't anyone notice (I am guessing this is more from the child's point of view).

Anyways, I am gonna stop for now - I am sure we will chat in person plenty soon! Thank you for taking the time to relate and to share!

Much love,


Hi jen - I feel for you, and I've been there with people in this space quite frequently recently.

There are no sacred cows as you approach The One.
There are no rosy futures or beautiful outcomes to look forwards to.
There is no "saving this or saving that".
The ego is utlimately obliterated in the light of pure awareness.
Afterwards comes a deep peaceful acceptance.

Much love to you.

Open Heart

In reply to by Open

Thank you Open. It seems a tricky thing to feel the program reality, and not condemn it. What an epic challenge it seems to accept that I am not separate from any of it. Ironically, the distancing from it only seems to strengthen the identification with it and blow it up in living color all around.   

Still processing a lot of this...appreciate the support!!

Anastasia - thank you for your post! I would like to respond to you...tomorrow when I am more rested. <3

With love,



Hello All,

It's been quite a while since I have shared...everything has been intense...just everything from every direction.  It's all too much sometimes, I yearn for some escape from it all - maybe we all wish for that sometimes?  These last months I have seen my "sacred cow" - the attachment to MY WAY - that organic, sustainable, plant based, holistic one...and the surrender is not to some rosy beautiful ideal, it's a surrender that says ok to a path I judge, the things that my "principles" say are not right...the pharmaceutical companies, big business, feed the machine...YET, it seems that from the place inside that doesn't exclude a way because it doesn't fit in my ideals, ....from that place, there is a yes, it's ok, you've done what you can, it's ok to let him find comfort in this way. Being with another in their pain (my son)'s released some of the rigidity, the need to fix it...the need to have his life be a certain way....the need to manage his pain, his path. It's all revealing much of my own unfelt or unwelcomed pain of course.

At the same time, anger like I have never felt in my life is coming to the surface. I have been doing some dreamwork and in meditation, revisited a time where I was three years old having a temper tantrum in my room...tearing my room to shreds because I was locked in my room the meditation I find myself mid-air as I jumped on my bed, my body boiling with rage, yet frozen in place, overwhelmed with the feeling of being so out of control. The anger begins to turn inside of me...shifting into intense self-hatred. And now, it's reflecting everywhere, encounter after encounter is triggering this massive rage, usually in places where I can't express it. There is a certain distance/coldness/detachment, especially, though not exclusively, from someone who use to be a warm source of comfort, that is triggering it...this feeling that it doesn't matter what I want...the feeling of being disregarded, unconsidered and especially seen as ridiculous or making a big deal out of "nothing".  It feels like a fog falls over me and I feel victimized and isolated - alternating between intense rage and a despair/desperation. Once I am away from the situation, my whole field changes, I feel a sense of natural well being. It's very strange. 

Anyways, just sharing....just been rough and I guess it feels helpful to verbalize it. Much love to you all here. <3 Jen

In the aerrly days I did wonder if one could live hear totally in the higher vibe. But it most definitely is possible. It unleashes an incredible flow of divine sycnhronicity. I find there's nothing quite like it. I always got great reflections of that in the Coldplay music. Here's one. What does it for you?...

I observed something interesting while being out there in the drama related to talking about Openhand with other people and events.  I was filling out this personal assessment form and one of the question was to list affiliations or belonging to any of groups/communities and originally felt resistance listing Openhand there.  I remember myself coming with all kind of excuses (it is not a religions nor organization and so on ...).

After some time, I have realized that it may have to do with the message that Openhand brings and how people would react to it.  For me, possibly it was a sense of being rejected, abandoned, not accepted.  I know I have to stand my truth.  I did go back and added Openhand there even no one is going to pay attention to it.  The Ray 4 diplomacy can be used to get a sense across and still stay in my truth.  

I may have to work through things as they come up and I am not going to abandon myself and the team anymore.  The time is now.

With Love,


Wow!  The insane amount of growth and insight that you guys bring is mind boggling!  I am so grateful for even the tiniest nugget that sparks exploration to further my connection to the source.  I have been exploring why my feminine/masculine has been so out of balance and trying to discover why I brought such injustice to my life and doing breakthrough breathing and other techniques to coax forth that "truth" and "light" that will guide me towards my "answers".  Funny that the man that harmed me and my children was named Ryan and I actually nicknamed him "ORyan", lmao!!!!!  When I ready both of your posts and explored the guidance I am blown away by the insights you have both offered!

Megha, you said "Something that you cannot swallow about the masculine needs examining." and that was like a freight train to the forehead!  This whole time I was so concerned that I was not feminine enough, because I am so afraid to show or explore sexuality and this whole time it could be just because it is highly imbalanced...I invited (by manifesting) one sexual abuse after another (or denial of sexual impulses, thoughts or feelings).  Deep down I realize that I must have invited the darkness within Ryan (who ended up being the man who gave me biological children after multiple doctors said it was medically impossible and multiple miscarriages) because there were wounds needed to shed the skin of this trauma surrounding sexuality that I just kept putting band aids over and re-inviting into my life..

I read a lot on here and don't always post, but when you share your deep (and often vulnerable) truth it ALWAYS sparks something in my that takes me to that place where I can release something that has been holding me back and then I do whatever activity brings me the most joy and I don't feel bad about that joy, despite what my mind is telling me I "should" be doing instead...I know that this path is right and true and I am so blessed to have such lovely beings of light exploring and sharing, guiding us through this together!

Jen, I also want to say that you are the first "Open" person that I met in person...the light you shine is so lovely and being around you is warm and comforting.  I appreciate you beyond words and, because of our "work" at the intensive, I can see your loveliness as my reflection...especially in our exploring/navigating these energies here with Megha and knowing that we are peeling away the illusion...we are eternal!  

Sending Giant Ether Hugs and Love,


Dear Jen and Heidi,

The return of Ray 1 masculine has also been a big theme for me this past year. Just like you Jen ,I used to shut down in presence of strong wilful men who express Ray 1 quite emphatically. Also, I was never entirely comfortable with my sexuality  and so it was a double whammy as far as connecting with such men was concerned. This was ,in my workplace typified by a man I felt very uncomfortable with because he was very expressive of his masculine sexuality . In the last year ,as so much has moved for me ,I have started occupying my sacral chakra more. That's how it feels . After all the bawling on the yoga mat ,I feel like I more deeply occupy my own body especially my pelvis. Yesterday I had a very intense conversation with him interestingly about consent and the Me Too movement . There were a couple for times he ' crossed the line ' and  expressed fairly physically how he found me deeply attractive  . This time, rather than retreating into fear and lashing out ,I was able to get him to see how this was not a good idea all without shutting down my sexuality. It felt like a conversation between friends and I felt as if  some circle.has been closed , regained. 

As far as your dream was concerned ,technology stood out for black eyes and I got.Orion. The examination of vomiting was also.something that spiked. Something that you cannot swallow about the masculine needs examining . 

Hope the reflections help ! Heidi ,so great that you were able to attend so many esoteric things. I confess I am a little envious 

Lots of love to you ladies 



In reply to by Megha

Hello Megha!! 

As soon as I read the title of the post, my heart kind of skipped a beat. Yes, befriending the masculine...ugh...not sure why that's my actual response hah! 

The other day marked a major relationship shift  and later that night I had intense pain/heaviness/cramping in my pelvis - like labor pains. Things are changing also as I am suddenly being approached quite often by men...I am not liking that so much and it's causing me to notice how uncomfortable I am with it all. I sense some major sh*t coming up here - stuff I haven't had to look at til now. Yes, it feels very related to sexuality as well as transparency/intimacy.  It's coming to me now that it has something to do with not wanting to be deeply seen and perhaps something of feeling unloveable/undesirable. 

How awesome that you were able to navigate the situation with your co-worker in a way that you may not have in the past. I can relate to that, having drawn many strong willed people to navigate staying present, embodied  and engaging - it's felt good to see how that changes! Though I have not navigated this piece of feeling drawn to an energy and then scared of it at the same time - I pretty much run from that! haha 

Well, surely life is stirring the pot and I get the feeling that things will be showing up on the scene to see what it is that's freaking me out and find more freedom in these situations. 

Very interesting what you said about Orion, that has been coming up multiple times lately...there was definitely another energy coming through the men in my dreams...something that scared me and brought up the feeling of physical vulnerability and being preyed upon. 

Thank you so much for your sharing and reflections. Big love and hugs to you!! <3 Jen

Thank you for sharing Jen!  I really felt like I was walking through your dream as I read and had to laugh when you used the word "random".  I keep seeing SO MANY (especially Full Moon Solstice with a meteor shower booster:) and I find myself elated and delighted when they occur and always say "weird" or "random" when I have zero belief of that being what is happening.  I wonder if the wonder will ever go away ;)  

I appreciate your dream on a very deep level and find that my post last week elicited supportive advice and encouragement that led me to have a similar experience regarding my masculine divine energy, which I had not even realize I had been attempting to stifle for my entire life.  The part about vomiting really got to me, because I physically spent over a year vomiting and ended up in the hospital one day (literally according to the ER doctor) away from death.  They "fixed" my physical problem, but I continued the vomiting in my dream world (in some form or another) for a long time following.  My deep exploration and breakthrough techniques helped me come to such a place of calm peace and unity balance that I have been feeling tempted (randomly ;) to create something to offset the balance because I have, as it turns out, been doing that for my entire life! 

I had NO IDEA just how deep this conditioning stuff could go and I appreciate your sharing as I feel we are all helping each other grow so much more quickly in the exploration!  The synchronicities that we see so often are speaking even louder now.  A woman that is in my conscious dance class is studying healing techniques and asked if I would be one of her subjects.  I went Friday morning (solstice) and had the BEST healing where she said she saw dragon and fire and a snow owl and that it felt as though my whole body was ignited and at odds with itself, but then calmed down completely during her healing and my fitbit watch even registered the calm! 

I had seen a picture, the day prior, of a person's phone lock screen and it said 4:44, 4 % battery and was a post on FB and the background was a fire breathing dragon.  When I was on the way to her house I was thinking of how I felt a bit of Shiva destroying so many attachments and constructs...I then looked at my directions and saw that the road I was about to turn on said "Phoenix", which is in the picture that I have attempted to post with this entry. 

After I got home from the healing I attended a global stargate activation meditation and yesterday was literally the BEST day of my life.  I have NEVER EVER felt so free.  I know that there is so much more to explore on this journey and I REALLY appreciate how learning from and how you navigate your experience enhances my life experiences significantly.  Sending you so much love!!!!!  

Big Loving Phoenix About To Rise Ether Hug,



In reply to by Aphroheidi

Dear Heidi,

Thank you so much for your sharing. The dreamworld contains so much richness...I am in awe of what the subconscious can produce to illuminate whats not yet fully conscious or integrated (or at least that's how I see it at the moment).  Wow - I love the enthusiasm with which you share your story. =) Vomiting is interesting theme isn't it...fascinating that the theme went in and out of physical manifestation for you. It sounds like you have had some big realizations around the expression of the masculine. I am feeling like there is a new layer of stuff to "look through/feel through/find me in" at the moment - thank so much for just being there and reflecting back to me. 

I love your dragon/phoenix synchronicities - awesome!!! Thanks for reflecting with me Heidi. Big Hugs!! <3 Jen

Hello All,

Lots of new things are coming to the forefront and it always helps me see more clearly when I express it.

I have noticed for a long time that I feel very uncomfortable around men with strong Ray 1 energy - at the same time I am very drawn to it as well. The discomfort causes me to avoid this type of character or shut down internally in a variety of ways - kind of going numb on multiple levels. I will feel a strongly attractive impulse and then close down or go into heightened states of anxiety.  I get the feeling this is abut the inner rejection of this type of energy...seeing some connections to a dream last night.

In the dream, my youngest son (who is 11 - I share this as I feel its pointing to how I felt at this age) died choking on a celery stick. Immediately following I am on a trip with a group of people that I don't feel at ease with - a group of couples that I don't hang out with. I am carrying this sadness of the death of my son, but still going on. It's very clear that I don't belong there and three of the men start finding fault with me - specifically that I gave someone a gift -  a lip balm - that exploded all over their technology and they are angry about it - their eyes have turned completely black. 

Then the scene changes and there are people choking and vomiting around me and then looking through the contents of what was brought up. 

I see a few things here:

-lip "balm" and exploding stand out as I re-read this and perhaps the way a stronger expression can cause things to come up

- expression of inner masculine, expression of gifts,  it's impacts and the resulting choking

- death of the young inner masculine 

And yet I don't feel this is exactly about expressing Ray 1 - what feels right to me is that it's about being willing to stay present with the wanting to run away or going numb in the face of that strong masculine energy - it is a reaction - one that seems so deeply encoded and I can imagine all the ways in which this was wired in. Yet at the bottom of all the reasons and specifics of experiences, there is still just a willingness (or not) to remain open to the flow of what is moving within...feels vulnerable - wide open in a way - not knowing what will come ...facing this energy actually feels like an invitation to meet myself more nakedly and being open to how to be in the moment.

Lots of sort of random things related to the masculine energy ...just putting it out there. <3 Jen

Thanks for the support Open! 

The last two days I have woken with a stiffness through my neck, shoulders and back...the feeling you might get from holding one position too long. Those words seem to ring true for me - becoming a fixed position in the flow.  I am perceiving it as the tension I have been holding through the resistance of feeling through the chaos.  And I do have the question inside of what is chaos? It's felt as lack of order, lack of harmony.

Parts of this have truth as there is plenty of disharmonious vibes. But there is also an internal need to get rid of the disharmony. There is then a judgement about what is occurring the disharmony serves a purpose -reflecting where there is a lack of alignment (in me). And even if the disharmony locally was resolved within, there are within the manifest plenty of knots in the flow, 'grey areas', 'dark areas'. If I am able to be ok with that (on a felt energetic level) then I am the One in it, otherwise I am an identity that needs to have things be light and harmonious.

Can I allow this to be? (self-inquiry) - to feel the general mix of things and trust that all is moving toward alignment in its own way, without my need to hasten it for my own comfort. It seems, hastening happens naturally, if it's right to,  through acceptance of the energy and realignment within. 

Much love,


Your inquiry keeps taking you into deeper layers Jen - deeper down the rabbit hole! The Sun Emoji

The chaos is a big one too - yes it'll test all those boundaires around 'right' behaviour. But that's okay - bring it on, it leads to a tremendous sense of freedom in it all.

There with you

Open Praying Emoji

It seems we all have certain feelings, experiences we run from in all the ways we do...and then there is the realization that I can just be in this feeling or experience without needing to make it stop, change it, fix it, release it etc. At times I find it's just the emptiness that I am running from...interesting to watch the psychological spinning (self-judgement, analyzing, story reliving or making on a mental level) that goes into that exploration and see how that is also part of the avoidance (though it all has it's place).

At the moment the contemplation is around the feeling of chaos and the resistance to it's impacts. I am recognizing the resistance I feel to loud voices, witnessing physical roughness between people (even when playing), intensity of emotion when people are experiencing anger, harshness, judgement etc. It's beginning to click with me that this is re-experiencing of that which I have become identified with not being able to handle. The key seems to be to allow those vibes in fully, just feel it all without reacting to it and then FINDING A WAY TO EXPRESS IT - which is the big piece I have not been getting on this. I feel like I do let this in (kind of choicelessly...though not always graciously) but I don't express it.

I have definitely numbed it in all the common ways (including bringing myself into a more stimulated state via caffeine, slower state via wine, detached state via tv, less sensitive state via overeating). Then of course,  I have  tried to control externals to minimize feeling it (and yes there are definitely healthy boundaries in place as well - though I see that I go beyond that to control and limit the impacts of what I am feeling). 

The last few days with the music playing on this site, I recognized how good it feels to just move (thank you to all of you musically inspired friends!!!!)...and how helpful this is in unwinding the overstimulation. Feels like a great wait to cleanse and recalibrate the system!


Hey Jen, Paul and Anatoly, hat's off to you, great inquiry! Thumbs Up SignThe Sun Emoji

Jen, this stood out like a thunderbolt...

If it were me and this were "coming up", I might ask myself...
"what am I having trouble digesting in my life?"

I would commend the advice given on a physical standpoint, yes. Over the years, diet has been a huge area of inquiry in my own incarnation here and it's been a full-on challenge to get the balance right - constant exploration, constant tweaking here and there. There were many challenges along the way, bloating, over eating, acid reflux, imbalances etc etc. It struck me how convoluted the human digestive system really is, how no one diet seems to be right for everyone - although we can each reflect particular approaches and experiences.

I feel like after about 16 continual years of inquiry, I've now reached a balanced harmony in my own system. I know what works and what doesn't. And throughout all this, one fact became abundantly clear:

Dietary exploration is never just about the physical. It's a powerful journey of spiritual realignment; an invitation to find the right way of living and being in all aspects of life. And it'll precipitate the emergence of karma in a major way too. To gain balance then, is to keep progressing forwards in one's diet and life. They seem to be inextricably interrelated.

Great to see the inquiry here. Awareness is always the key!

Open OK Hand SignThumbs Up SignThe Sun Emoji

In reply to by Open

I love what you said here Open. I wonder if I came across a bit prescriptive? Watching that. Seems there is still alot of focus on the physical symptoms even within the herbal modality. It feels like a great place for me to learn the intellectual piece of it, however, I am drawn to foster the relationship with the plants and to bring in herbs and other overall wellness modalities as support of spiritual unfolding. I don't see myself working with people who simply want to solve the physical ailments if they are not open to seeing the purpose of the experience they are having. I am trusting that I will naturally draw the people that match the ways I connect and share. =)

Great reflections and tips Jen and Paul!  Thank you!  On a physical level, most likely this stomach imbalance was triggered by too much play with coffee.  However, this also coincided with a feeling of being stuck on 'spiritual' level.  Heck, I don't even know what that means! Probably a story that ego created where I am supposed to be or how to progress.  I am probably not digesting well a moment when not being challenged in some way.  Becomes a Groundhog Day.  I think maybe the situation calls for deeper penetration of the everyday routine.


Hey Jen! 

Wow - your knowledge on this subject is very extensive and artfully shared and above all effective.  I wish I would’ve read your exact words this time last year! :)


In reply to by Eric.

Happy to share Paul...glad to hear that you have found things that work for you! Funny, I wouldn't have known this last year as I have been studying herbal medicine over the last year so lots of new things are integrating. I really enjoy making the connections and seeing the reflections of the energy within the physical. Much love, Jen

In reply to by .Jen

Hi Jen,

Thank you so much for ... being you. I was surprised when a very strong wave of emotion ran through me when I noticed you had posted - I just saw the name “Paul” in the title and couldn’t even read the rest of your words it was so strong.   I realized I have always felt connected yet somehow far away from you and never understood why - I hope you don’t mind me sharing that. :)

Interestingly, I am right smack in the middle of delving deeply into my relationship with Divine Mother energy, and synchronistically, also my relationship with my earthly mom. 

I have been exploring specifically the sense of restriction, of limitation, of structured imprisonment that I’ve held inside all of my life while unconsciously projecting much of the blame onto my mom. 

I am in the midst of the deep realization that her structure, her relentless parenting strategy, her seeming distance ... it was all designed PERFECTLY for me. And I saw the unfathomable time, consideration, commitment, uncertainty, agony, and LOVE that went into her expression of motherhood... and I am eternally grateful to the point where tears of gratitude are flowing again now just knowing and feeling it.

What I thought was a prison for so long - wasn’t a prison at all. It was a trellis for me to climb and grow in the right direction - towards the sun. She was and is the perfect mom just being who she is

Just like you.





In reply to by Eric.

Wow Paul! How beautiful! Thank you for sharing with me and no I don't mind at all - I am grateful for it!

What you said here "I realized I have always felt connected yet somehow far away from you and never understood why" I can greatly resonate with struck me quite seems perhaps my way of being or expressing has represented something to you ...something which you are connected to yet feel (or felt) distanced from? 

This phrase stirs something deep in feels like my own words...often in close relationships I have perceived a "dead space" where I feel I can not traverse any further...and I feel a connection but also distanced at the same time. Now I feel it in relation to being somewhat abandoned or distanced from what? I don't know what? Myself?

I love how you shared about the realizations that have come around your mom and the perfection of our experiences...the honesty and vulnerability touched me and made me smile. I can really relate to how you described her challenges. Thank you for sharing! I was contemplating on why my son keeps going through these long periods of intense physical pain...every time I go through this surrendering process and it deeply changes me, and then I realized he is also realizing so much through to be in physical pain and not need it to go away, and not be completely identified with it. Sometimes all he needs is the sense that he is not alone in his pain and that brings so much comfort and ability to be in it and find some freedom within it.  Same for me I suppose =)

What a kind and touching message - thank you so much! <3 Jen


Hi Anatoly,

I can relate, and have experienced stomach and heartburn issues in the past. Mine were related to core distortions around consuming past the point of satiation - for pleasure, as well as for emotional comfort.  Sometimes it was subtle and sometimes I would literally inhale my food. 

The physical symptoms were throat and chest tightness and intermittent heartburn, physical pain when pressing on my lower stomach, along with the background feeling of being unable to draw a full breath. It gradually progressed from mild intermittent discomfort to the point where I was not able to eat a wide variety of food because they would cause a histamine reaction.

I know it was partly related to the nature of my initial forays into intermittent fasting - where I would go without eating for most of the day and then sometimes explore the opposite polarity raptor style.

I would also drink black coffee on on an empty stomach many mornings and sometimes afternoons because I LOVED the way it made me feel. 

When things got really challenging I finally got the message, began to eat more consciously, and gave up caffeine for about two months. I did a lot of internet research and self diagnosed my condition as having low stomach acid based on my symptoms. I would sip on a capful of apple cider vinegar in a glass of water before most meals and believe that really helped my digestion.

I can do coffee and black tea now no problem, but normally opt for green tea these days. Just noticing the black/green snake realignment parallel there actually!

The challenges I was experiencing in my life at that time were around personal sovereignty/solar plexus in my career, and suppressing my authentic self expression/throat tension.

It’s still very much a work in progress, but maybe some of the extremes I experienced will help give some added context to your own issues.

With you!


I have been having issues with my stomach recently, some kind of turmoil (maybe acid reflux with a bunch of air wanting to release). At first I thought maybe my experimenting with intermittent diet and coffee (occasionally) caused misbalance but i have been doing it this before and didn't have the symptoms.  

Now, I am feeling it may be something else possibly related to the latest Openhand meditative work (breakthrough/chakra/implants/bow) i have been doing on the regular basis and integration of these in everyday life.  I seem to get more challenged/distracted with various thought patterns amplified.  Also, some other shit seems to be coming up to work through (nothing intensive though).

Also, the density (some kind of very dense material highlighted at the lower back and head) in my field has amplified many fold during the meditation practice.  Very distracting, consciousness eater it seems.  I am working with it but haven't moved it yet, only managed to amplify at this point.

Thought would share my experience if it resonates with anyone. Reflections are welcome as well.

With Love,


In reply to by nialet

Hey Anatoly!

Happy to see you here =).

This may be quite off but here are some things that flagged for me...

- reflux, shit coming up, consciousness eater

On a physical level, I wonder how your stomach acid is? Often reflux is actually an indicator of low stomach acid and digestive enzymes - low digestive "fire" which challenges the body to really digest and assimilate what it is receiving.  

Don't know if that resonates? If so, some key things that may also reflect to you energetically (possibly):

Drink plenty of water throughout the day and 20-30 minutes before a meal

Slow down, chew your food consciously and completely

Pay attention to not taking in too much at once

Do not drink fluid while you eat

Begin your meal with a small amount of bitter greens with a bit of ACV (if tolerable)

Include fermented foods and enzyme rich fruits and veg in your diet - like avocado, papaya and pineapple

If it were me and this were "coming up", I might ask myself "what am I having trouble digesting in my life?" Do you notice how you feel in the body when the thought patterns are amplified? Where is your consciousness in those moments? There are many questions you could explore in relation to any of the above.

Much love,

In reply to by .Jen

I find it so interesting how I am responding to my response - so much of what I said applies to my experience =). 

It struck me how equally important it is to release the things that are not for me....what wants to come up and be released out of my field?  This is just as important as what wants to be fully embodied. The concept of digestion is so it involves the transmutation of food/energy. There is the energy that is assimilated...and the release of what is not needed.  Lately I have found myself overeating and feeling sooo full ...for me it's reflecting the need to release some things that I have been taking on materially, emotionally and energetically.  And of course to look at why I am doing that? At the moment it seems to come down to a restlessness and not being with the restlessness to see what's there. 

Thanks for bringing this in Anatoly. <3



Just had to add a funny synchronicity today to add to what I shared above... 

I stepped out my front door and saw a little blue square on the ground near my car it was a clothing tag from the store call J C Penney and it reads 3T BLUE PRINT $22... It made me laugh, feel grateful for the support and wonder about the 3D blue print, how that's been impacted and how that's impacting the present experience. Hmmm... 

More landed that it's the 4d blueprint (the square) ... And impacts on 3D... I keep getting reflections of massive changes in people's lives.... A lot of inner chaos being uprooted.


Hello Loved Open Ones,


I have been offline for a bit, during which time my life has become amazing beyond my comprehension... I am the most happy that I have ever been, the most relaxed and I have been plugging away at the open process diligently and fervently.  It has been phenomenal. 


It is interesting that you bring up this particular topic, because one of the hugest attachments I found that I have is regarding when people are rude. I remember Michael mentioning it at are intensive and I identified with him at that time, but I had no idea how deeply rooted my attachment is to people being rude, inconsiderate or acting in unconscious ways as a whole.  Fortunately for me I have found a 5rythms conscious dance group and I get to meditate then dance almost every day, which keeps me centered and on point.  


Another reason this particular topic is of great interest , and I am excited to take part in the thread, is that you mentioned creativity.  I have been so creatively engaged with my grant writing that I seem to be getting funding right and left for the creative projects I have devised and I am having the opportunity to help so many people that my head is spinning… It is what I always hoped for and dreamed of and, honestly, knew was coming…I feel the flow in the way that everything that I need to complete my projects instantly comes when I express the need...almost like angels are standing by to deliver all of the things that will help me unite my community and help those who are less fortunate...I LOVE my job so much!  I actually get paid to be this happy!!!!!  


They only minor agitations that come out throughout my day are regarding the very things you mentioned, including the interactions of my children... One interaction that really left me feeling like there were major conditionings that needed to be removed from them was when I told my son that I love myself… His first response was to look at me as if I was out of my mind and tell me that I was vain... of course I had to spend some time telling him that people should be proud of what they contribute and their accomplishments and love themselves for the good things they do, but when you think that you are better than someone else it becomes hubris, which is the definition of vanity... in these times where our children are surrounded by people who do not understand this process, we have to soften ourselves and remind ourselves that doing the best we can IS the best we can do and to honor what we are able to accomplish with that. Guiding our children by being the best version of ourselves in front of them is really the only option we have.  Any struggling or efforting we do is in vain (like Scott said we will never be able to control what we are not meant to control and it is wasted energy to try;).  Like you said, Jen, our kiddos have their own path and the HARDEST thing we will ever do is watch them learn from their own mistakes...


I know A LOT about feeling impotent as a mom due to a bad man making a bad decision... I have suffered for two years with my ex-husband (who abused us severely) having majority of the time with them, and doing absolutely zero parenting. When they are with me the rules are different, but it is like re-training every time for them to be even polite or grateful. 


The good news is that I asked for the judge to be out of my way so that the children could be with their mommy safe and sound.  While  I would never, ever, wish someone to die, the result was that he died… I get my kids back. I now know, due to their absence, that all I have to do is be me in front of them and move towards the highest good in all situations pertaining to my older daughters just told me, on the holiday, that they now love me more for those things that they hated me for as teenagers...they KNOW that all I ever did was out of love and out of the desire to raise good people/humans.  When your soul tells you to act on their behalf you will know...when your mind is in the driver’s seat you also know...if you yield to your inner “knowing” and gut feeling it will be “right” and you can’t go wrong as a mom... especially someone like you Jen… Your energy is amazing and your knowing is so much deeper than you think… You taught me so much at our intensive, just by being around you. Trust yourself, because you are a good mom and where our conditioning challenges us to want more for them, you know exactly how much of what to give them to be their guide and their protector, which is our number one job :-). The rest is their

 journey and we can love and support them through it :-). I hope this makes sense and, if it doesn’t, just know that I am supporting you with all my love and all my might :-)


Scott, good to hear from you and love your wise and supportive words :)))))






“The Difference Between Ordinary and Extraordinary is the little extra”


In reply to by Aphroheidi

Hi Aphroheidi!!!

So great to hear from you! I smile and feel lighter reading your words - your joy is quite contagious. <3 So happy to hear that things are flowing so well for you and that the creative endeavors are so abundant. 

I liked what you said here,  "in these times where our children are surrounded by people who do not understand this process, we have to soften ourselves and remind ourselves that doing the best we can IS the best we can do and to honor what we are able to accomplish with that. Guiding our children by being the best version of ourselves in front of them is really the only option we have.  Any struggling or efforting we do is in vain." 

Yes - at times I get stuck wishing for different circumstances on the planet, in communities, in schools - yet the challenges are here for a reason. And yes, I agree that being our best version of ourselves - doing our inner work is the only way...anything else is just ideas and expectations being repeatedly imposed by each generation.

I loved this..."When your soul tells you to act on their behalf you will know...when your mind is in the driver’s seat you also know...if you yield to your inner “knowing” and gut feeling it will be “right” and you can’t go wrong as a mom." Thanks for this's the "not knowing" that is the crux...staying open in that space so that the mind's mechanisms aren't the only thing in play. 

Big hugs to you Heidi! Thank you for your sweet support. <3

Love, Jen

Interesting that this is coming up Jen - the intensity of the need to control. Also the frustration it's creating seems to be mirroring a lot of what I'm seeing in the rise of the divine feminine - or more accurately, the re-ermergence of the supressed ray 1 in evolving/realising women (probably in guys of the right config too).

Interestingly I've found myself being strongly drawn into creative process right now - almost to the point of distraction.

It may well have something to do with what I perceive to be the accelerating shift of the Earth's creative Torus. I feel the energy of the old construct unwinding now. And it's as if a huge vortex is now building. When you're tuned into that, it can bring enormous power to creative intent. I've frequently found myself in meditation with this swirling vortex around me, like a huge serpent. It makes pretty much impossible to rest. BUT, what I've found is just to focus on it and let it move. Creative possibilities come up constantly around me, but I'll work not to fous too heavily on them, rather the moving energy itself.

It's a subtle change that can have a big impact.

The challenge is that it seems you're so close to creative fruition, you just want to dive right into the completion, which can own the mind as control. But holding in the energy itself makes it manageable, the mind contraction unwinds more, and the creation just seems to happen out of holding the dynamic.

Maybe this reflection can help a degree.

Open Praying Emoji

In reply to by Open

Thanks for the reflections Open. =) 

I have been feeling a lot of restlessness and generalized discontent - too many possibilities and buildup of energy around indecision. What you said here is really helpful..."what I've found is just to focus on it and let it move. Creative possibilities come up constantly around me, but I'll work not to fous too heavily on them, rather the moving energy itself."  Yes, I am getting caught on the end goal/outcomes and building frustration.

This relates well to my inquiry around this anger/frustration that is being highlighted through my parenting role. It's hard to describe this anger because I don't feel it as the obvious distortion of expecting your kids to fulfill your wishes and being angry when they don't's more about how I am feeling unable to witness the reflections of harmonious flow in my surroundings and my frustration with that. Clearly if I was more in internal harmony I would experience more of that =). So of course, this is perfectly right that I confront what keeps me from harmony within...these knots of energy that are swirling around inside - hot and bound up. I too often get pulled into external fixes because the internal disharmony that is amplified by my kids being in pain/chaos brings me into overwhelm. I keep going over and over this same issue. It always sounds so easy to work on these things in theory, yet the internal intensity and need to resolve the disharmony can be unbearable to me (the identity that needs things to be harmonious).

What you said above struck me and resonates so focus on the moving energy itself...I needed that reminder. 

Much love,


Life has been highlighting this deep broiling anger that I can not create the outcome that I think needs to happen.  There is also frustration that no-one will listen and their choice to not listen is having impacts on my reality. I feel livid about this - I can't seem to see the situation with "perspective" as I have been advised I need.  The distortions are bright, shiny and you can glean from my first sentence =).  My attachment seems to be in needing to create a "smoother path" forward, seeing how that can happen and no-one listening - instead choosing to continue along the way they feel to - which inevitably affects me.  This is all playing out with my children...which keeps showing me over and over that I have no control and that I will only feel more and more pain when I need the outcomes to be a certain way.  

There is immense anger at myself for not being effective - for failing to prevent future painful outcomes. This parenting role seems to be the vehicle through which I learn to forgive myself, to surrender to the natural unfolding of what wants to happen,  to learn where real effectiveness lies (not in forcibly leading the horse to the water lol!). 

Over the last weeks it has been 22, 22, 222222222222....over and over - to a comical level. My need to control and manipulate to reach a "better" outcome is causing me overwhelm and frustration and it seems I could use some real softening up - and yes perhaps some perspective..a higher one...a connect one. though I feel fear in abandoning the "lower one" do I trust that this is right? how do I trust that I will know when to step in? What if I am suppose to act and I don't? 

I know intellectually that all have their own path and will find their own way to navigate it...why do I feel so much energy around how they explore and what they explore? Who am I to say that it should be this way or that way? 

Thanks for the space to share...just needed to put this out there. <3

In reply to by .Jen

Hi Jen,

I feel your pain and understand the struggle to let go and trust it will all work out, especially when it involves our children.  Sometimes it's difficult to accept that the "pain of failure" is the outcome that was supposed to happen.  Our children also chose the lessons they need to learn in this lifetime and what you are seeing as a painful failure, may be the lesson your child needs to learn so that they may themselves grow, heal and eventually succeed.  I think the hardest part of being a parent is realizing you have no control, especially when we know our child is heading for hurt or failure and we think we see the right path clearly.  Once our kids reach a certain age all we can do is hope that in raising them we've given them the tools and the foundation to make the right decision.  We can advise and nurture and love them, but in the end it's their path to walk, their mistakes to make.   All we can do is hold the space, let them know they are loved and supported no matter what, and then be there to pick up the pieces if it all goes to shit. 

Big Hugs!!


In reply to by Scott Tampa

Hey there Scott!

Thank you for your heart warming message. <3 Yes, I do feel the same...for me the challenge is containing and unwinding the energy in me that is triggered by their paths. 

Deep inside I do trust their souls unfolding and what I see is that anything that is on their soul path that challenges and triggers me is my internal work to be with.  I never considered myself a "controlling" person...perceived myself as nurturing and open and accepting - sometimes to a fault where boundaries were concerned. Over the years, I have found a greater sense of boundaries and balance internally and that reflects well in the family dynamics. What I have seen lately is that the nurturing and acceptance had layers of control in it and these are getting "plucked" like a guitar string and playing this frequency that causes me to want to fix it so that I can stop feeling this. Of course we know that's not gonna ultimately serve anyone nor does it work! Nor does it work for me to just "let go" - which for me can mean emotionally detaching. BUT, yes there does need to be a gradual letting go of the internal need for harmony and smoothness - through these "opportunities" =)

I so appreciate your warm and grounded support.

With love,


Hi Open,

Thanks for your response and the reminder about patience (not my greatest strength!!). The programming indeed feels deep and complex, and when in my parents’ presence it can feel like drowning under the many layers of conditioning that I have accumulated over the years! I think I have managed over time to create a lot more space away from this energy and put more boundaries, but sometimes it feels that has increased the contrast when I am in their presence, making it more uncomfortable and tight than before, when I was unconscious of most of these layers. At the same time, when confronted with the layers/filters, there is a lot of frustration coming up about not yet having managed to untangle and work my way through them (patience….!). I guess that’s the internalized parent telling me that I am not good enough/not getting it right when it comes to overcoming parental conditioning J.



Hi Marye,

Synchronistically your inquiry about the influence of parents ties in with one of the deep explorations that's happening here on the New York Paradigm Shift Retreat.

Often, from the place of perceived love, parents are mistakenly telling kids, in effect, that they're not good enough and alright as they are, which happens from an early age, every time you're corrected for 'not doing something right'. Or else 'this' or 'that' could be better. It even boils down to tying your own shoes! I've watched teenagers cramming their feet into shoes just so as to contradict what their parents are telling them (the maverick kids). But so often, children aquiesce to their parents 'guidance' or that of teachers and society, which in effect, keeps conditioning in the idea that you're not good enough as you are.

Now in many people, I've seen how this has become a tangled web of neural programming, from which all manner of behaviourisms have developed. Being shy and retracting for example, or else being purposefully contradictory. Sometimes the pain is concealed through comfort eating, or seeking out love in different relationships or else looking for approval.

These complex webs embed within the brain, and the hypothalimus (an organ at the centre of the brain), then releases neuro peptides into the bodily system which reflects the negative programming that's been conditioned. Now emotions are also embedded within the identity filter. In effect, when you look out into the world, you're seeing through these filters, which are invisible, but nevertheless colourise many of the choices and decisions people make.

So this programming becomes deep and complex, with many different layers plastered on top over the years, so as to somehow find a degree of normality and coherency in the world - just to be able to function. It's also essential to realise, this programming will have been embedded over many years, the essential point being....

Do not expect it all to unwind in 5 minutes! And even when you know what's going on, still it requires concerted unwinding deprogramming action (such as the Breakthrough Approach) over a considerable period of time.

There's also the question of requiring space away from the influences that fire off this energy - for example space from parents. Why is this so important? Because the false self consciousness will relate to the conditioned identity filters, and when the neural pathways of the old identity fire off, then they easily pull you back into the false self consciousness.

So stepping away from the circumstances and relationships of the old consciousness for a good while, can be a very good thing, because you then predominantly feel your True Self consciousness more of the time, and this progressively becomes your established way of being.

You don't necessarily have to break off all ties, or completely stop seeing them, just being clear that you have plenty of space from that constricting consciousness. And when you feel established more in your True Self consciousness, then you can go back into that previous environment more, which will activate the old programming, but which you can more easily see and break down - because you're not constantly being sucked into the old self.

So I would say space is essential, and being very clear with yourself what is right and true for you as a being. The from that place, unwinding the conditioning that will have built up over the years - but do expect this to be quite a journey, which then leads to Transfiguration - the unification of lower and higher self.

Wishing you all well in the inquiry

Open HeartPraying Emoji